Shaadi Ke Side Effects

Many moons from now, there will be a question asked in any number of quizzes across the country. What is the significance of the dialogue, "congratulations - its a baby girl" in Indian cinema. The answer is that it is my good friend Sudhendra Sharma's first dialogue on the silver screen. To make things better, it is a credited performance. Notice Doctor in the Delivery Room in the end credits.

To me, that was the high point of Shaadi Ke Side Effects - an otherwise beaten to death concept of what happens with couples after they get hitched. SKSE begins after paying their respects to the 27 sponsors - I mean partners. The prominent inclusion in the script was the “pleasure partner”- SKORE condoms - yet another high point of the movie (nearly chokes on oneself).

Of course, in the list of high points, the interval would feature prominently. The fun of relieving yourself (for the not so hungry) or standing in line for super expensive popcorn (for the hungry) or watching meanigless commercials (for the lazy) would supersede a lot of parts of the movie. Except 2 dialogues that I thought, stood out, most of the others were corny or with no punch. I will, take this opportunity to call out these 2 dialogues so that we can tick the list off the the good points.

Aunty (Ila Arun) to Trisha (Vidya Balan), "Apni Khushi ke liye kabhi kisi pe depend nahin karna" (Don’t depend on others for your happiness).  Ranbeer (Ram Kapoor) to Sid (Farhan Akhtar), “Apne biwi ke hisse ka time kisi aur ko dena affair hi hai.  Fark yeh hai ki mera affair ek ladki ke saath hai aur tumhara ek young Sid ke saath” (Giving the time you were meant to spend with your life to anything else is an affair). Food for thought.

SKSE is concrete evidence that the script writers in this country have run out of ideas. The only other reason would be that the audiences are demanding old wine in a not so old bottle. The wine should be laced with the familiar boring taste that you have been acclimatized to - thanks to the barrage of below par and escapist movies over the past 3 years.  I am afraid that the latter is the truth.

Sid and Trisha are a couple who seek excitement through role playing strangers at a discotheque / hotel every now and then.  That will follow by an “Up in The Air” kind of affair.  A trick that they use to keep the spark alive in their marriage.  But as Sid says, “Only a fool would try to make a marriage fool proof”.  That is proven when they get pregnant and all hell breaks loose.

The rest of the story is about Sid’s inane efforts to get his importance back in the marriage.  That part of the story and a bit of the earlier one is laced with dialogue that will make you cringe with agony.  Even more so because the guy next to you is laughing out loud, unable to understand that he is being taken for a ride.

For most of its part, SKSE repeats what many movies have done in the past.  It tells its gullible viewers to avoid marriage like the plague.  It shows them that marriage sucks the life out of any ordinary human being.  And that kids suck whatever is left over as well. It also takes you through meaningful conversations about the impact of bananas, corn, spinach and curd on a baby’s faeces.

It will show fathers a side of them that they never knew even existed – like forgetting their babies at a coffee shop or not being excited at the thought of holding his new born.  It will tell the single guys what they always fear and joke about – the terrors of married life.  It finishes like any love story does.  Farhan and Vidya are the saving graces.  But not enough to avoid the cinema hall.  Wait for satellite rights.  5 on 10. 

Of course if you are looking for the corniest part of the movie – Farhan Akhtar’s name is Siddharth Roy.  Really? They could not have added a Kapoor at the end to seal the deal?

Watch the trailer on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu18_rNpTA0