Alone (2015) (Hindi)

"Kabeer ke Bina birthday cake nahin kaatungi" says Sanjana (Bipasha Basu) at her surprise birthday party organised by Kabeer (Karan Singh Grover) himself but in absentia. Her friend says, "Kaun kiss se zyada pyaa karta hai pata nahin". (we don't know who loves the other more). That's the story for the rest of the world.  But at home Sanjana doesn't want anything to come between her and Kabeer and is mighty cheesed about His hard working and social ways.

Holiday – A Soldier Is Never Off Duty (Hindi) (2014)

Celebrated South Indian filmmaker A R Murugadoss (Ghajini), has cracked the secret of maximizing revenues from a story / film.  First make it in Tamil with a superstar like Vijay.  The audience will lap it up because the story really doesn’t matter in Amma Land.  A couple of years later, remake it in Hindi because of late, aspects that make good cinematic sense apparently don’t matter to Bollywood either.

Revolver Rani

Anyone who refers to Revolver Rani as an absolutely nonsensical, over the top, blasé, idiotic, unbelievable, ridiculous, ludicrous, abnormal, bizarre, eccentric, gross, unexpected, unusual, weird movie is absolutely right!!! You can refer to it with any of the adjectives that I have called out but you cannot say that it is a bad movie by any stretch of imagination. Anyone who does refer to Revolver Rani as a bad movie is taking life way to seriously and is no familiar with exploitation movies.

Phata Poster Nikhla Hero

With no offence meant to anyone or any fans or the person in question itself, the only time Shahid Kapoor can be and actor (excluding Kaminey) or at least pretend to be one is when he is playing and actor in a movie. Or should I say playing a wannabe actor whose mother, Savitri (Padmini Kolhapure) actually wants him to be a police officer - and an honest one at that. Now if that doesn't get you laughing then nothing else in Phata Poster Nikla Hero will get you to laugh.

Ramaiya Vastavaiya

I wonder what gave me the impression that Ramaiya Vastavaiya was to be the debut film of Chiranjeevi’s son – Ram Charan.  But that was the remake of Zanjeer.  With Ramaiya Vastavaiya, we are definitely in for a tight contest for the most disastrous debut of 2013.  Within a few seconds of Ram (Girish Kumar) entering the movie, you know that the only way he could be present in a movie is if his father has put in the money.

Sixteen (2013) (Hindi)

“Sixteen is a tough place to be in.  High School, Hormones, Exams, Bullies.  I don’t want to go through that phase again” – Vikram, author of the Booker Prize nominated book – Sixteen.  Just one of the deep lines from the movie.  So deep that I almost drowned in it (notice the sarcasm).  Coincidentally, one of the few lines of the movie that I agreed with.

Enemmy (Law and Disorder)

A gangster's truck load of cash is intercepted by just 2 people in black masks.  So you have one peeved gangster– Mukhtar (Zakir Hussain). His crony and associated family bite the dust. He launches a full scale offensive on all gangs. The cops led by Ekalvya Karmarkar (Suniel Shetty) have to intervene and lock him up. Ekalavya has Eric Colaco (Johnny Lever), Madhav Sinha (Mahaakshay) and Naeem Shaikh (Kay Kay Menon) by his side.

Saare Jahaan Se Mehenga

Indian cinema has always come up with some very interesting pieces of satire or comedy.  Every once in a while, you get some low budget comedy movies that provide wholesome family entertainment.  You know, the likes of Do Dooni Chaar (Rishi Kapoor & Neetu Singh playing a middle aged couple from Lajpat Nagar) or the more recent Vicky Donor.  You get what I am saying right?

Jayantabhai Ki Luv Story

Yet another joke that has been doing its rounds of late and is so damn true its not funny at all!!! The best way to hide your porn collection on your PC is to name the folder – THE VIVIEK OBEROI COLLECTION.  Oh I’m sorry.  Vivek. He has dropped the “I” from his name but it seems to have made little difference to his luck.

Paan Singh Tomar

One can be quite certain that if Irrfan Khan has picked up a movie to be part of, it will be a good enough for at least a one time watch. And the world is going all ra ra about Paan Singh Tomar. So much so that I seem to be the last person in the world to watch it. Surprising right? Not when u have had a jam packed weekend with commitments to conduct quizzes in front of a massive 25 teams (notice the sarcasm). Bad call. Will be more astute in my calls in the future. Quite certainly, it has cost me at least 100 odd hits to this blog.

Tigmanshu Dhulia is usually a dependable director. But despite the rave reviews, I was a bit cautious approaching PST because of my previous experience with Saheb Biwi Aur Gangster – a movie that I thought had so much more than what it eventually delivered. But somewhere deep down, as I went into the hall to watch PST, I was hoping that I would use the words “Scorcher of a movie” when I write this blog later in the day. I wasn’t totally wrong. I wasn’t totally right either.

Lets talk about the good things first. It was firstly heartening to watch a movie that was centred around an athlete for a change. Probably because it makes it easier? I am not sure. But then I am glad. Also, as mentioned towards the end, it is dedicated to the unsung heroes of Indian Sport. Paan Singh was one such hero. 7 times national champion in the steeplechase – the toughest race on track. Winner @ International events. Forced to take a gun in his hand due to circumstances – genuine ones. Not whining ones. So – a good story line. Well narrated. Some great camera angles too.

The icing on the cake would have been the great performances. Primarily Irrfan who single handedly carries the movie all the way. Ably supported from 2-3 corners. Mahie Gill surprisingly under stated and good execution this time as Indira – Paan’s wife. Brijendra Kala & Zakir Hussain also doing extremely well to keep the movie @ acceptable standards.

What ticked me off though is that where on one hand, Tigmanshu Dhulia pays so much attention to detail, on the other hand, there are horrible consistency errors. Like the pain taken to put up a Rs.10 note from 1980 was very commendable. That it was a cheap print out was way too obvious. The camera work during the ice cream run was quite brilliant. That Paan Singh reaches major saab’s house with a shirt that seems recently pressed is just juvenile!!!

But I guess these gaffes are noticed only by the pathetic, heartless, stone cold, amateur critics like this author. But it still gives me the right to be disappointed with what I though could have finally been Tigmanshu Dhulia’s moment of truth. Where he breaks into the league of an Anurag Kashyap or a Vishal Bharadwaj. Not to be. 7 on 10 of which half the points come from Irrfan. As good as Kahaani – actually, Kahaani is probably better albeit marginally.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enwaoPOO0Ik

4084

How often have we seen movies which has a star cast which is on the outside average and it turns out to be an exceptionally great movie. Take the case of Bheja Fry (the first one) or Tere Bin Laden. On the other hand you have movies which have exceptional star casts – actors who are known for their fantastic capability – which turn out to be damp squibs to say the least. Ones which make you tear your hair apart in frustration and disgust. Movies that make you really wonder about the possible weak moment at which the makers of the movie made one of these actors sign on the dotted line – and then used that signature to sell the concept to the other 3. Or were there methods which were not so legal utilized to get the 4 great actors to sign on the dotted line? Or is that that these actors are slaves to some exceptionally good quality marijuana that forces them to be high out of their wits (like those who predicted a 2-1 victory for India in the Australia series – sorry I had to get that in). Well if you haven’t figured out which category of movies tdoes Chaalis Chauraasi (4084) fall under then I am not quite certain who or what could help you out. Maybe the good quality marijuana that these actors are having may help out immensely.

When you see Naseeruddin Shah, Atul Kulkarni and Kay Kay Menon in the same screen you can be quite confident that there is a quality movie waiting for you right? Even when the 4th person in the cast is the not so highly rated but good Ravi Kissen. WRONG. When one of the cast plays the role of a car thief with a fetish for the age old Fiat which is fondly called Dukkar (Pig) in the Mumbai market – WRONG! And then there is one whose dream was to be a singer but is relegated to being a pimp because he gets into the good books of a dance bar owner – WRONG!! Or if you are a drug dealer with a Shetty sounding name and who doesn’t have much of a qualm in spreading the junk in society then – WRONG!!! And of course when one of them plays the role of a retired Head of Department (English) and has spent 10 years in jail for killing his wife then – DEFINITELY WRONG!!!!

Hriday Shetty hasn’t done his chances of a long term career in Bollywood too much good. What kind of a director makes actors with so much talent reduce themselves to the level of trite comedy – actually severely slapstick comedy? Even if it had to be done, then I would have expected some attention to be given to detail and some importance given to finishing or screenplay or dialogues or editing or story or cinematography or whatever it is that makes movies worth watching? Not sure about the actors but Hriday Shetty was surely smoking up when he made this movie because there is nothing much to really look forward to with 4084. A highly avoidable below par flick 4 on 10 is what I give it.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0SaVc24WlY

Not a Love Story

Ram Gopal Varma could not have picked up a better time for the trailers of his movie to be released and then the eventual movie release. It was bang at the time when the verdict on the Maria Susairaj case was about to be announced. A couple of weeks into the trailer and one of the most absurd verdicts (that’s what I believe – it is totally personal) ever by the Indian judiciary was announced. I guess it has been a little under a month since the verdict and unfortunately for RGV, Anna and the World Champions, for totally different reasons, have hogged the lime light. As of now, everyone in this country is interested only in the Jan Lokpal Bill. And maybe a few would be interested in knowing the build up of the Susairaj case and where it finished.

And why in the blazes would RGV start the movie with a disclaimer that this is a work of fiction. Surely all of us know that the movie is about the Susairaj case and it would only mean that Maria Madam and Jerome Sir refused to co-operate with the RGV Factory in terms on the money that was offered. Maybe they will cash in on it over time at a much higher level – crime is after all a very lucrative profession as has been proved in the past in more developed economies.

That being said, RGV also ends the movie with 4 dramatic statements – please don’t hold me to this because it may not be verbatim but I am quite certain it was something to this extent.
“The Prosecution wanted both of them to be killed
Their lawyers wanted them to kill each other
The two of them wanted to die together
Finally the verdict is still awaited”
RGV Sir – Gross!!!! How much cornier do you want to get?

The movie starts off with great promise and intensity thanks to Deepak Dobriyal who has put up another stellar performance and kind of keeps the movie alive. I was quite intrigued though with the choice of Dobriyal for this role but he comes out on tops. RGV uses his signature camera angles which are a bit off beat and it does make you think that RGV is back. But then one starts feeling a tad giddy in a bit. But for a couple of specific shots which gave the output that was desired, the other angles only made the movie look more like a horror story and not one that was based on a crime of passion. Mahie Gill has never been able to get back to the near perfect performance she gave in Dev D. I guess it will continue to be her nemesis in a manner of speaking. Needs to stop trying too hard to get there. The same syndrome as Jr. B after Yuva. Not much of a support cast with the exception of Zakir Hussain (remember Rashid in Sarakar) who is the only person who comes close to Dobriyal’s performance.

Overall disappointing. I was so hoping that RGV was back. I really like RGV and find it quite sad that he seems to have gone onto a different planet. Either we need to join him there or he needs to get back to Mother Earth. 5 on 10 is what I would give NALS. Watchable but don’t expect too much.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrbcn2k-FMI

Allah Ke Bandey

The trailers were mightly impressive. The cast – extremely strong to say the least. The story seemed to have been inspired from the 1996 movie by Barry Levinson – Sleepers. The reviews on twitter were very positive. And I was hoping to see the next 7 on 10 movie of the year. But it was not to be I guess. Never judge a book by its cover or a movie by its trailer.


Vijay Kamble (Sharman Joshi) & Yakub Ansari (Faruk Kabir) are a couple of 12 year olds living in Bhool Bhulaiyya, a Chor Bazaar. They live with their aging and dying mother (Suhasini Mulay). She is Vijay’s biological mother and has adopted Yakub since his parents died in a train accident. Bhool Bhulaiyya is controlled primarily by Mafkaan Yeda and his right hand man, Nana. The kids understand that if they have to get anywhere within the place, the best way out would be to join the gang. They start running drugs and doing small time “Bhaigiri”. But these petty crimes aren’t going to get them into the big league. When their mother is diagnosed with an extremely weak liver and has no other choice but to be operated upon, the kids decide it is time to take the next step. They approach Mafkaan with a plan to rob a local jewelry store. Nana doubts them but Mafkaan is impressed with their spunk and gives them the green. The boys commit their first serious crime. When they are done with the job, they are about to run off with all the spoils without giving Mafkaan his share of 50%. But Mafkaan lands up. A scuffle ensues and Yakub shoots Mafkaan.

It only takes the cops a couple of days to track them down thanks to the detailed description given by Nana. But most importantly, Nana has taken advantage of the situation and shot Mafkaan already. So when the kids get rounded up they get charged with multiple counts and eventually find themselves in juvenile prison. This is the beginning of their worst nightmare. The Jailor (Nasseeruddin Shah) and KT the in house gangster use most of the kids for their own pleasure. And also run a drug racket within the premises. Our enterprising duo soon find themselves in trouble in an attempt to take on the system. When they get violated for the first time, Vijay decides its time to play it cool and strike when the moment is right which they soon do and take control of the situation instead of succumbing to it.

AKB is not a complete take off on Sleepers. It seems to be inspired in bits and pieces though. There are streaks of almost every slum movie that has been made in the past few years from the likes of Slumdog Millionaire to City of God. Somewhere it doesn’t seem original. Faruk Kabir as an actor looked like a good prospect in the rushes but eventually turns out to be a damp squib. The support cast is average with Zakir Hussain playing the lead duo’s trusted lieutenant – Ramesh Bhai. One wonders why Anjana Sukhani and Rukhsar were ever involved in the entire movie. Even the sex scene that Anjana Sukhani is part of is fairly insipid to say the least. They were both furniture and not even the best looking furniture one can expect. The saddest part is that a fabulous talent like Atul Kulkarni is all but wasted with barely a few minutes of screen time. There is nothing that Nasseruddin Shah has to prove anymore. His execution of the nasty warden is almost flawless. Sharman Joshi proves once again that he is definitely one of the best that we have on the block currently. And lastly but not the least – the child artistes – who I believe were very good in parts but not completely awesome. I hate to say this about kids and don’t mean to be a dampner but seriously there have been better performances by children on screen even if it was required to be as raw as AKB. Having said that, there is tremendous potential in both. And if someone can help me out with their names it would be great.

Marginally above Average direction and decent editing + cinematography make AKB worth a watch. But it doesn’t do justice to the power packed cast. Yet, it’s one of the better movies released of late. I am only disappointed because it could have been so much better. Watch it for the supporting role from Nasser and a strong lead performance from Sharman. I give it 6 on 10.