Noukadubi (Kashmakash)

I am thoroughly convinced that Rabindranath Tagore was awarded his nobel prize for literature not just because of his quality of writing but because of his immense capability to think about situations that mere mortals like us cannot. He then make us feel even closer to being just “mere” by weaving a story that is a myriad of complicated emotions way beyond our comprehension. And what probably makes us feel so regular is that we understand what he writes and are able to relate to it in a manner that no one else can probably get us to. Noukadubi is one of Gurudev’s 8 novels and if the movie is remotely close to the novel (I have made a mental note to try and pick this up) then I am certain it will be an excellent read. But then again, who are we but mere mortals to shower praise on the likes of THE Thakur. A pity I have only seen his works translated into movies and not read his works – maybe it would be beyond my understanding.

In the same breath as I am elated to have come across a story like Noukadubi, I was also extremely disappointed to realize that Kashmakash is a version dubbed in Hindi. As of now, I am as convinced about Gurudev’s greatness as I am about Subhash Ghai’s senility. Dear Mr. Ghai – you have tried to entertain us for nearly 5 decades now. It is time that you take a break. You seriously need that. How else would you explain the crappy dubbing of a movie that can be seen at worst case with sub titles. The finer nuances of Bengali can never be emulated by any other language. Now I am a Tam Bram Iyer boy born and bought up in Mumbai city but who genuinely believes that he should have been Bong. Mind you I can only understand the language and have never made an effort to speak it (regrettably) and yet, I felt the job was extremely shoddy. Much as I am a Gulzar fan, I thought the lyrics were just not in place to substitute to Tagore’s melody and sweetness. Please to be watching subtitled Bengali version not dubbed Hindi version.

Raima Sen as always has landed a plumb role with that of Hem-Nalini and is as composed and calm as she always is. I would guess this is the 2nd movie that the sisters are acting together and I still believe that Riya Sen has miles to go before she sleeps. Some of the reviews call out her performance as commendable, but I was not too impressed. If speaking under your breath through your teeth as if you would hurt someone if you spoke louder is a great performance then maybe yes. Then again, I haven’t read the book so I guess I would not be in a position to interpret how the vastly over rated Rituparno Ghosh has. I have no clue to whats the big deal about this guy. He makes movies that are so damn slow that one could snooze in between 2 dialogues or even 2 frames and probably nothing would have moved anywhere. In this one, even the way everyone walks is like life in slow motion. A bit over the top I say. Jisshu Sengupta as Ramesh Babu and Prosenjit Chatterjee as Nalinaksha Chattopadhyay both provide solid performances. But then again, Noukadubi is not about acting or direction. It is the capability of the Thakur to weave a story around the complex emotions that 5 human beings go through in their day to day lives through marriage, friendship, love, parenthood and so on. 7 on 10 purely because of Rabindranath Tagore’s brilliant story writing capabilities. Thank You so very much Gurudev… and yes…belated 150th birthday!!!

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXBHnbzhCYA

Priest 3D

There has always been man and always been vampires. Since the beginning the 2have been locked in conflict. The vampires were quicker and stronger. But man had the sun. That wasn’t enough. And so it went like this for many years. The 2 races not only destroyed each other but almost removed each other from the face of the earth. Facing extinction mankind withdrew behind walls. And then the ultimate weapon was found - THE PRIESTS. They were swift and had phenomenal powers. They put an end to the vampire menace. But after that, the people who created them decided to disband them out of fear. They disappeared just like the vampires did. And as the days and the months and the years went by the last few were counting their final days. But now... They are back…. the vampires that is. They attack a city outpost and take away an eighteen year old Lucy (Lily Collins). They kill the girl’s mother Shannon (Mädchen Amick) and badly injure her father Owen Pace (Stephen Moyer). But the Vampires did not realize who they were messing with. Enter The Priest (Paul Bettany) who is coincidentally Owen’s brother. Oh Oh say the vampires – right? Wrong. The clergy, led by Monsignor Orelas (Christopher Plummer) doesn't support him in his request to chase down the vampires and bring them to justice. They also threaten to excommunicate him if he goes against orders. Monsignor Chamberlain (Alan Dale) knows that it will not be enough to stop the Priest. He speaks to The Priest but to no avail. The mission begins.

Ever get a feeling of not knowing whether there is more to a movie than what you saw? A little under a decade back is when Lord of The Rings would have released right? And the writer of these reviews did not know Tolkien from Adam. Sorry but had that phase in life where I refused to read for some inexplicable reason. But the writer is also maha excited about movies and so with a couple of folks in tow I did land up @ Symphony Theatre Bangalore (such a wonderful place – pity they had to shut it down and hand it over to the BIG guys). After about 3 hours, I was left with a feeling that said, “Unfair!!! This cannot be just it!!! There has to be more”!!! For those who know me, you can imagine how I must have fumed and fretted over the disappointment. A kid who was on the seat in front of me and would have been all of 3.5 feet, turns around and tells me, “Its got 3 parts. You didn’t know”???? Needless to say, I had to fetch my first copy of LOTR within an hour after this. 10 years after, I got the same feeling with Priest. Thankfully no kid this time. Ergo no embarrassment. But I must say that the movie based on the Korean Graphic novels / comics of the same name seems to be setting itself up to go the franchise way. Directed by Scott Charles Stewart, who hasn’t got out of the mould of his previous full length debacle called Legion – I refer to his obsession with vampires. Priest is filled with superb use of Special Effects and Graphics. Why the movie is classified as Horror is beyond me. Humanoid looking vampires who build nests like spiders spin webs don’t qualify as Horror to me. There is nothing much else in the movie very honestly. I would give it a 5 on 10 on the outside – must watch for the graphic novel / comic book enthusiast thanks to fantastic visual effects.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi4157250841/

Arthur

OK now here is one that seemed to be inspired from Bollywood. It would seem surprising and I was certain by the time I was through with the movie that my previous statement was true. But then again, I thought to myself that is this really possible and dived into some research. Sure enough I found out in a couple of minutes that my speculation was indeed too good to be true. Arthur (2011) is a direct rip off from its namesake made 30 years back starring Dudley Moore and Liza Minnelli. And in between all of this, 3 years after the 1981 movie from one-movie-wonder-director Steve Gordon, we saw the Big B starrer – Sharaabi. Yes my dear friends, Ladies and Gentlemen and children of all ages (sorry Vinay for copyright violation but Christoph Waltz already did this earlier this year) – Arthur (1981), Sharaabi (1984) and Arthur (2011) are all the same movie. Apologies if this needed a spoiler alert – I actually believe I have saved you the trouble of going to the movies and spending quite a bit on this. Regretably, the review is about 10 days late so if I haven’t been able to save u the money, my sincerest apologies. I have been trying my best to get the reviews up on time.

Arthur Bach (Russel Brand) is the spoilt rich kid who is heir to nearly a billion dollars ($50 mil short to be precise) and doesn’t give 2 hoots for the money. His mommy, Vivienne (Geraldine James) is more focused on managing the business right from his childhood and has left Arthur to the care of only Hobson (Helen Mirren), his nanny and Bitterman (Luis Guzmán). Vivienne runs the business along with trusted aide Susan Johnson (Jennifer Garner). Now Arthur is an alcoholic and a party addict and spends his time only blowing away the money from the empire he is due to inherit. And his wild ways aren’t going too well with the investors who want to see a Bach take over – the stabler Bach the better. Sizing up the opportunity, Susan suggests that it is probably time to tie Arthur down. And what better a way to tie a man down than that glorious institution called marriage. But who will marry Arthur? For billion dollars, my guess would be anyone. But the devious Susan intends to do so herself. Vivienne loves the idea and offers Arthur the dreaded choice – marry Susan or lose a billion dollar inheritance. Arthur doesn’t seem to have a choice but then on the same day he bumps into tour guide operator Naomi (Greta Gerwig – remember Patrice from No Strings Attached).

Not much of a script to look forward to honestly with the exception of some humour that has been enhanced thanks to the slick delivery from Helen Mirren who stands out from the rest of the cast. Russell Brand is surprisingly good in his role as Arthur. The rest of the cast including the cute Greta Gerwig is quite unnoticeable. Even Greta is thanks to her insanely loose and short skirts – seems more like a fashion faux pas than an intentional design. The direction is as good as the sitcoms that Jason Winer does – nothing much to write home about I assure you. Loads of consistency errors and editing is nearly absent. The movie could have easily been curtailed to 90 minutes but stretches a tad too much. Nothing you have missed if you could not catch up with it to date. Its only a 5 on 10 at best and that too only due to Helen Mirren and partially due to Brand.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi2575079961/

Pyaar Ka Punchnama

Now this one is going to be really difficult to write for the likes of me. Not because it is borderline case between a good and a bad movie but more so because this is the story of the mish mashed love lives of the likes of me in around 2.5 hours. So I cannot help but relate to the concept in entirety and also vouch for the genuinity of the sequence of events shown – I have embarrassingly experienced the same :P :$. I will, however, keep my critics hat on for the final ratings and that’s a promise.

PKP tracks the story of 3 couples. Couple 1 – Neha (Nushrat Bharucha) and Rajat (Kartikeya Tiwari) aka Rajjo which is a your regular love story. Boy meets girl at a Karaoke night. Makes some slick moves. Girl gets impressed and asks boy out (that happens???). Boy and girl quickly fall for each other. Move in. And then the irritation and the yakking and the reading between the lines and the misinterpretation and the crocodile tears and the hate for sport and the…. You know the story right.

Couple 2 – Not even a couple very honestly. Charu (Ishitta Sharma) and Ishant (Divyendu Sharma) aka Liquid. Girl is a newbie at a software company. Boy has never been with a woman before. Is nice to her. Girl is from out of town. She has a possessive boyfriend there. Boy doesn’t know. Falls for girl really quick. Soon enough proposes. She disposes and informs him about boyfriend. But would like to “stay friends” (Oh God!!! How many times have I heard that one!!!). Boy doesn’t know what to do. Girl uses opportunity to keep a stepney in Delhi. And when push comes to shove, throws boy down the garbage chute…. You have heard this one too right????

Couple 3 – Ria (Sonalli Sehgal) and Vikrant (Raayo Bakhirta) aka Chaudhary. Smart, good looking guy. Unassuming. Girl walks upto him at a party. Both hit it off. But boy quickly realizes that there is a 5 year relationship break up that has happened. However, the ex is unable to let go. And poor girl has to be nice to the ex. Boy obviously doesn’t like it but keeps mum – cant pick up a fight with the girl because “she needs her space”…. OK OK I know you have heard this one also.

PKP as a concept is a male RomCom which is a welcome change. Most of the audience in the hall seemed to agree. And I cant remember ever listening to the girls next to me laughing. I can only imaging, Luv Ranjan and I have a lot in common in this context :D. But that would not soften my stand against his direction which leaves a whole lot to be desired. The narration is not remotely tight and survives only on the basis of some slapstick dialogues delivered quite well especially by Divyendu Sharma who comes up with the best performance in the movie. Raayo Bakhirta is reasonable I guess but only because cannot make out if he is constipated or confident – he has a single expression on his face but he looks the best of the lot and will have some female following after this for sure. Kartikeya Tiwari hams his way through with the exception of a 5 minute monologue which the audience will like. The girls cannot act – period. Despite the use of numerology which doesn’t convert you from a really bad actress to a decent one. For crying out loud they cannot even dance!!!

PKP scores in my books because both the director and cast are debutantes. Not bad for a first attempt. Entertaining in parts but quite stretched out – I would have cut at least 30 minutes. I would give this 5 on 10, and I have added a point only for a decent first attempt and 2-3 songs which are good. Worth a dekko but can do so on cable or DVD whenever it comes out. Not worth spending a fortune to take the family out. The young males would definitely like it.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBIrTv-59kw

404

To what lengths would you go, to prove a point? Is proving to the world that your theory is right, only thing that matters to you? Do you believe in something so much that you would not care who comes in the way to ensure that the objective is met? Do you live by the adage – The ends justifies the means? One of two people who embody this spirit are Dr. Anirudh Kaushal (Nishikant Kamat) aka Charles to the dean of Dehradun Institute of Medical Sciences (DIMS) one of the leading institutes of medicine in the country. The other one is Abhimanyu (Rajvvir Aroraa) who is a first year student of medicine and determined as hell. Both professor and student are convinced that there is no such thing as the supernatural and that all of it is a figment of one’s imagination. They are a product of the modern world and believers in science and definitely disbelievers in ghosts, spirits or anything remotely related to them. And the good doctor’s next thesis is that on Bipolar Disorder – a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated energy levels, cognition, and mood with or without one or more depressive episodes (thank you Wikipedia :D). So when Abhimanyu decides to take on the legend on campus about the ghost of Gaurav Gupte which occupies Room 404, the doctor gives him all the support that he can. Room 404 is opened 3 years after Gaurav committed suicide in it and a brave Abhimanyu moves in.

In what is probably the first attempt to make a movie on bipolar disorder in Bollywood, director Prawal Raman gives us some really scary moments through the lovely use of camera angles. Just that the use of reflections on windows and cupboards and of course mirrors goes a tad over the top at times. And so does the use of music. It seems to be a common fallacy amongst Indian directors that deep resounding eerie music is the only way to generate thrill / fear in the audience. So much so that they forget that some of the best movies to create horror in the minds of the viewer have used just ambient noise and silence. But rest assured, Raman has come a fair distance after moving away from mentor Ram Gopal Verma with whom he made Darna Mana Hai and Darna Zaroori Hai.

The movie also touches upon aspects of ragging albeit in a good manner. I say good because it doesn’t taint the concept hollow. I am of the opinion that ragging is one of the necessary evils of society. I do not support going over the top but do not object to the healthy poking of fun of freshers into college. I may have stirred a hornet’s nest here but that wasn’t the intent at all.

I have always maintained that a director’s task is significantly eased out with the right casting. 404 is no different. Newbie Rajvvir Aroraa delivers a decent first movie. And Satish Kaushik & Tisca Chopra are both effortless as always. Immadudddin Shah in the role of the final year student Chris is calm and confident but a tad over the top. Needless to say, the genes do show. But a top notch performance from Nishikant Kamat is the hallmark of 404. The role was initially offered to Farooq Shaikh if the reports on the net are to be believed. I am sure Kamat is not complaining.

Solid performances coupled with able direction give you a 7 on 10 movie for your Sunday. Be prepared for a hard hitting end. Do not take your children along with you. I was surprised to see 10 year olds in PVR Bangalore. Its definitely not for those below 18.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACTrF8OGQ5k

Pirates of the Caribbean – On Stranger Tides

Picture this – Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) has his arms held in a vice like grip, much against his wishes by 2 soldiers in King George’s palace and that too in front of his old foe or pal if you would like to call him that – Hector Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush). Not that its going to last for too long. In a swift move, Sparrow knocks the soldiers away with an unexpected jab on their family jewels. He then crosses their bayonets to fire into the chandelier above, jumps onto the dining table and proceeds to use all the lovely eats as his defence against the other charging 20 odd soldiers and running towards the window simultaneously. He uses a chair to shatter the window and also dispose a charging soldier through the same while in the same motion grabbing the curtain cord to propel himself upwards towards a ledge. He uses the same as a launching platform towards the chandelier that is half hanging and is therefore an extremely effective method to swing on to the balcony opposite the window, taking care of a couple of soldiers en route and yes not forgetting the sugar coated croissant that he had kicked onto the chandelier a few seconds before His Majesty came into the room. He then proceeds to knock off a soldiers cap – much like Jack Sparrow does – just to embarrass and un-expectant soldier and in the same breath leads him down towards a room but conveniently loses him by hiding behind a piano. He then goes to the nearest window and is making is way behind the horizontal flag staff but not before a soldier notices this and chops the cord off getting Sparrow to swing down towards the road, barely miss it and conveniently land into a chariot with an old woman who is as surprised as 2 year old getting her first birthday present. He kisses the old woman on the neck and relieves her of her earring (the kleptomaniac that Sparrow is) and proceeds to jump onto the roof of the chariot. He also manages to balance himself on another chariot for a few 100 meters before moving onto the roof of the other and eventually uses the signage of the “Spanish Daughter” to escape from the gaurds.


Hows that for vintage Pirates of the Caribbean???? Watch part of the snippet here http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi2399378713/

Sword Fights with gorgeous Spanish women (read Penélope Cruz - Angelica), Mermaids who are fiercely protective about themselves (Astrid Berges-Frisbey – Syrena), the Spanish Armada, The Royal Navy, Ponce De Leon’s grounded ship on a ledge where Barbossa and Sparrow fight for a couple of silver chalices and the piece de resistance – Zombies aboard the Queen Anne’s Revenge, the ship captained by the most feared pirate of them all – George Teach a.k.a Blackbeard (Ian McShane). The fourth edition of this absolutely fantabulous fantasy adventure has it all. The director of Nine, Memoirs of a Geisha and Chicago, Rob Marshall, has set himself up for another slew of nominations (read hopefully wins) at this year’s Oscars – Costumes, Make Up and Art Direction – and hopefully some more. Nearly picture perfect execution with just a couple of slip ups to the very trained eye. Lovely camera work and superb editing along with great special effects make this edition of the Pirates an utter joy to watch. Fabulous entertainment for even the uninitiated because this one is not related much to the ones that came in before. Garnished with the traditional Pirates Track albeit in very small 5-10 second doses, the 4th edition also smartly sets itself up for one more to follow. That would mean more happy Pirate fans all over the world - Lip smacking I say!!! The humour is slick as always and the dialogues nearly poetic in parts. Johnny Depp scores yet again!!!

What amazes you everytime you see a Pirates movie is the sheer capability to take up something simple and blow it into something that’s larger than life to say the least. My Pirates brain gives this a 9 on 10 but the earnest, honest critic in movie says 8 on 10 folks for certain. In pure layman terms - Superb movie!!! Must Must Must watch for both fans and non-fans alike. Would have loved this to be the 200th post of my blog but that credit will go to Arthur unfortunately. This post could not wait till I finish writing Arthur which would be tomorrow morning.

Watch the trailers at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi762617113/ & http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi3649608985/. This one truly deserves 2 trailers at least.

Haunted 3D

Haunted 3D

I am at no point of time even considering that I could write anything close to our good friend Vipurva Parikh (vipurva@gmail.com – refer mail sent last week which had most you in splits) and especially after the trauma that he went through watching Haunted 3D for the first time. Needless to say, yours truly, did not learn from him but thanks Vipurva from the bottom of his heart. Had it not been for Vipurva, I would definitely have been in some kind of rehabilitation facility in the deepest darkest recesses of Koti (where the movie is set) with very little chance of recovery. Thank you so very much Vipurva and of course my dear cousin Vijay for having forwarded the same to me.

I feel for Mimoh… oooops… Mahaakshaya Chakroborthy. No seriously I do. How can you blame poor Mimoh for the face that he has which cannot in anyone’s wildest dreams come up with more than half an expression. Little Mimoh… sorry… Mahaaskshaya (will take some getting used to) can put that blame squarely on his parents. But for the not so familiar with Bollywood, Mahaakshaya (finally got it right) is the son of the evergreen Mithun Chakroborthy and Yogeeta Bali. So I have come to a simple conclusion. Mahaaskshaya was adopted. Sorry Mahaaskhaya – your parents had to hide the truth from you. I cannot even begin to fathom the pain you are going through on this realization. But believe me – it would pale in comparison to the pain that we had to go through while watching you on screen.

Rehan (Mahaaskhaya) has come to Koti to broker a deal for a 100 year old house that is expected to sell for over 200 crores and get him 4 crores in the bargain. But his house helps are set to run off thanks to the spirits that haunt the place. But Rehan is a brave boy. He decides to find the truth. Because Rehan believes only in what he sees and not on hearsay. He tries to get some info from the landlord who dismisses him. But after briefing the landlord about his educational qualifications he begins his witch hunt which leads him to the story of Meera (Tia Bajpai) who kills her piano teacher Professor Aiyer (Arif Zakaria) when he tries to rape her. The peeved spirit of Prof. Aiyer then decides to rape Meera till she commits suicide in 7 days. After that the unsatiated spirit continues to rape her for 80 years till Rehan comes into the picture to save her.

Other than the few things that I learnt through Niren, I have the following learnings / forecasts to submit to all of my readers
1. Mahaakshaya Chakroborthy is an orphan
2. If you really want to help someone who is getting raped in spirit, think really hard about her and u can time travel.
3. Girls dig time travelers and name their sons after those who time travel
4. Use of active and passive voice in the same statement is supposed to create a better impact – For e.g. “Woh Tu Hai! Tu hee hai woh”!!! – refer to Vikram Bhatt for further details on this point
5. Similarly, a Hindi statement followed by the English translation helps communicate better when u are alone in a 100 year old home – For e.g. “Kaun Hai? Who is it”?
6. And lastly, Stanfords applicants from India will see a 100% drop this year unless of course they sue Vikram Bhatt for defamation and ensure that he issues a public disclaimer.
7. PVR 3D glasses are exceptionally heavy. Please do something about it.
8. LASTLY – VIKRAM BHAT IS A DICK (Sorry Niren – had to add this line. Hope u will not sue me for agreeing with u)

Final score – 1 on 10 for the intense humour that the movie gets to the table. And sincerest apologies to the members of the audience at the 1 pm show @ PVR Mulund on Sunday, 15th May 2011 for having disturbed you with my incessant laughter. Could not help it. Haunted 3D was way too funny.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlCdTN_vyc8




And read Vipurva’s review in case you have missed it below this



So in a latest act of misplaced bravado, i watched Vikram Bhatt's Haunted. A Horror film. In 3D. Starring Mimoh Chakrabarty.

Yes, Government of India. I expect my Param Veer Chakra to reach me via courier in no more than 10 working days. Please do the needful.



Also, let me get something else of my chest.

Fuck You Vikram Bhatt. You're a dick.



And, Mimoh finally, like the rest of the country, saw the stupidity and hilarity in his name. So he changed it.

to Mahakshay Chakrabarty. Mahakshay. No, really. MAHAKSHAY.

He's back with a leaner body, shorter hair and One Whole Entire Facial Expression that he carries like a torch through the film without veering or faltering. I say the boy has a bright future.

He also has some intricate facial hair thingy going on. With his beard. Like it was carved with tiny scissors and precision tools by rajasthani woodwork artisans. Good for you, Mahakshay! I'm glad you're paying attention to all the truly important bits of acting.



Now to get to the film. Haunted, or to call it by it's working title - Vikram Bhatt's Paranormal Rape Fiesta , is about an old house haunted by the spirits of an UberHorny Piano teacher and the girl he raped and still does in the spirit world.

In walks Rehan (Mahamimoh Chakravarty), who's a broker for the house deal. He experiences a couple of nights of extreme haunting. This leaves him completely unfazed. Mahachutia knows no fear! Or well maybe he knows fear, but knows not how to emote! He just walks around the house at night in the midst of screams, piano playing ghosts, doors slamming, books flying off shelves and decapitated heads turning up in bathrooms with a look most reserve to compliment the thought `why does this underwear keep riding up my crack?'



He finally finds a suicide note from the girl talking about her ordeal. About how she bonked the pianoman over the head with a candelabra to avoid getting raped. it killed him. but he came back as a ghost and raped her for a week. till she committed suicide. After which he raped her spirit for 80 years.

Now,

Please dont get me wrong. I don't condone this sort of behavior. It's highly unnatural and very mean to rape someone's soul for nearly a century.

But you gotta give the man props for persistence. That's the kind of resolve and drive that'd put Ranjeet and Shakti Kapoor to shame.



Mahactor tries to save the girl's soul. He's helped by a stoner sadhu. Who, (and this is where shit gets weird), sends him back 80 years in time by blowing chillum smoke on him.

Mahafail is now in 1937 where he tries to prevent Meera (Tia Bajpai) from her impending fate.



The climax follows age old cliches - `tumhe pahadi ke sufi baba ke paas jana hoga' and `tumhe yahaan se bees meel dur ek kuwe mein yah sab daalna padega' ... with the ghost hot on the trail in the form of a Meera's possessed care-taker, Margaret (Achint Kaur).



Tia Bajpai looks heavily sedated and has dialogue delivery skills of an ape. Which is not that bad because most of her lines are , `AAARARRRRRGGHHHHHH.. AAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH AAIIIIEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEIIIIIII '



Arif Zakaria as the angry and horny `gotta have me some rape' ghost is menacing. But research says that that's a role most Indian men would be able to portray fairly efficiently.



So, finally this is all that I brought back from the experience -



1) Vikram Bhatt is a dick.



2) Ghosts can't read or write. Apparently, absolute illiteracy sets in once you become part of the spirit world.



3) Evil spirits are strongest at 3 am and weakest at 3pm. If you want to piss on their grave, afternoon would be a good time to do it.



4) Mahabali Chakraborty has a long way to go. But i still like him because I watched Jimmy in a theater with 3 other people a day after it's release. And i'm a sentimental m'f'r.



5) Do not go to a 3D horror film with 3 girls. They will talk all the time and refuse to look up at the screen while staring steadfastly at their cellphones sending BBMs to other women about how scary the film sounds from all the shrieking they're hearing.



Oh and the most enjoyable part of the whole movie?

Definitely the 30 second trailer of Amole Gupte's Stanley ka Dabba that played during the interval.

Stanley Ka Dabba

Before all you folks go ahead and read this review, I would like you guys to first SMS “Stanley” to 57827 (India only) to pledge your support against child labour. Will an insignificant SMS like this make a difference to some child’s life somewhere? I sure hope so. I would hope that instances have reduced over time but we are far from a level of complete eradication and I can only believe that this small gesture from each one of us may just about impact someone’s life.

Amole Gupte’s official directorial debut (he hasn’t been credited for Taare Zameen Par) takes us into the world of Stanley Fernandes (Partho Numaan), Class 4F from Holy Family School, Andheri East (There are direct references to Chakala and hence the assumption). Stanley walks into school everyday much before the rest of the world does and spends his time doing anything that keeps him busy – from watching Rosy Teacher (Divya Dutta) being dropped by her fiancée to drumming on the school desk. Stanley is also a master story teller and creates them on the fly. Like telling Rosy Madam about how the bruises on his face are because of a fight that he got into to save another kid who was being bullied.

Now Stanley has a peculiarity that differentiates him from the rest of the class. He doesn’t get a dabba (tiffin box / lunch pack). But his classmates always chip in to share their dabbas instead. And they also find innovative ways to ensure that he continues getting his share despite the Hindi Teacher, Verma aka Khadoos (Amol Gupte) whose only passion in life is to swoop down people’s dabbas because he doesn’t get his own. So much so that when push comes to shove and he finally catches up with the kids, he bans Stanley from entering his class till he gets a dabba.

Stanley Ka Dabba is characterized primarily by outstanding performances from everyone in the cast. Right from the School Principal played by Rahul Singh to the Science Teacher Mrs. Iyer played by Divya Jagdale and even the school peon played by Aditya Lakhia or the History Teacher played by Raj Zutshi in a very small appearance. Divya Dutta continues to prove that she is one of the most under rated actors in Indian cinema.

But the piece de resistance has to be – and this is a toughie very honestly – I am not sure who was better Partho Numaan or Amol Gupte. The softie in everyone would clearly go with Partho Numaan thanks to his amazing screen presence and confidence in front of the camera. But my vote on this count would go to Amol Gupte for his sheer capability to get under the skin of his character – a despicable Hindi Teacher who will eventually be humbled by a 9 year old child from Class 4F. I would imagine it is not the easiest task in the world but for Gupte – who by his own admission claims that acting was never on his radar till Vishal Bharadwaj pushed him into Kaminey – would be proud to see the output of his part in SKD. Pivotal and brilliantly executed.

Add to the brilliant performances, some superb camera work and some very good cuts as well. Shots such as the kids and teachers both eating to the background of “Tere Andar bhi kahin chhupa baitha hai… Koi Stanley” are wonderfully taken. There are some random shots as well which could well have been avoided. That would probably be the only flaw in an otherwise very well made movie. Oh and yes, the music could have done with some more life. I would put Stanley Ka Dabba in the must watch list for everyone. My rating – 7.5 on 10. And yes – the million dollar answer – TZP is distinctly better on the counts of better editing and better music.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fdd9Y166JXY

Luv Ka The End

About 20 minutes into the movie, I thought (actually I was convinced) that Luv Ka The End is a rip off of the Jesse Metcalfe, Ashanti starrer from 2006 – John Tucker Must Die. However, I am as of now not too sure if it is a copy of JTMD or some other movie. But the plot seems all too familiar for me to ignore the aspect of “inspiration” from Hollywood and sadly – once again. When will our directors start thinking of something original to work on?


The first time directorial venture of Roadies super star Bumpy is probably quite ironic considering that Roadies is meant to be a very rugged, in your face phenomenon. Why the famed Bumpy decided to pick up a soppy romantic comedy as his first movie is surprising to say the least. But then again I guess all men have a soppy side to us and Bumpy is at the end of the day probably only human. As is the direction that he gets to the table. But then again who expects any direction in a chick flick right?

Rhea Dayaldas (Shraddha Kapoor) is your cutie pie or girl next door from school. She is pretty but not hot. And needless to say extremely intelligent. That she has rich parents only helps even more. She may not be anywhere close to the high school hottie Natasha (Riya Bamniyal) but is still the girl of choice for the high school boy hottie Luv Nanda (Taaha Shah). The son of an exporter (read smuggler), Luv has everything that money can buy and loves to show off his toys, the latest of which is a Jag. But the first ride is reserved for Rhea.

Now Rhea’s friends - Sonia Lovani (Sreejita De) and Jugnoo 'Jugs' Shastri (Pushtii Shakti) – don’t quite approve of this relationship and try their best to keep dissuading her from giving Luv the pleasure of taking her virginity from her. Its Rhea’s 18th birthday and she is all set to “do it” tonight. And its only the persistence of Karthikeyan Ramchandran (Rahul Pardasany) – who coincidentally is smitten by Jugs – that gets the threesome introduced to the BBC – The Billionaire Boys Club. The BBC is a club of young kids whose parents are all Billionaires and run an annual contest aligned around who has “scored” the most – be it in the form of fooling around with hot teachers or naïve young girls. Rhea is obviously shocked and decides that today it will be Luv Ka The End.

Chick flick to the core. Nothing that is terribly exciting in any form whatsoever or anything that you haven’t seen before. The same old hunky men and hot girls with a fat boy and fat girl thrown in, the high school geek, the daft best friend, the mother of the friend who is over the top, understanding parents, a senile grand mother, a pesky little sister – the list is endless – but life in a RomCom is just perfect. And this one is no different. And therefore, I give it 4 on 10. Not really worth seeing on the big screen. Disappointing debut for Bumpy. Not a great second for Shraddha Kapoor – she better start showing some more acting skills coz her dad is not getting her anywhere.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8x5JXJviWt4

Ragini MMS

OK now I seriously need to have something different when it comes to horror movies. And something with at least a little bit of originality. And a tribute to Paranormal Activity and Blair Witch project presented with a disclaimer that the movie is based on a true story which happened in India doesn’t amount to originality. It would seem, as the writers claim, that the story is based on what a south Indian girl experienced in the year 2009 somewhere close to Mumbai. But the stark similarities to the movies mentioned earlier cannot be ignored – no matter how hard you try. It is indeed time that Indian directors take a long hard look at themselves when they are attempting to make movies under the genre that is supposed to scare the heebeejeebies out of the viewers. Very honestly, it has been a really long time since I have actually seen a decent horror movie that scares me like the way an Omen did a few decades back or for that matter how Ring did less than a decade back.

Now I am quite a “fattu” (scaredy cat for those who are unfamiliar with the colloquialism of India) and very honestly, I had forgotten that Ragini MMS was supposed to be a horror movie before I walked into the theatre. By the time it was too late to change my mind and watch Arthur. So given a lack of choice, I had to go through the couple of hours of a movie that was more hilarious in parts than the parts in which it was scary. If you are a really big fan of horror flicks like a few of my friends, you would be a tad disappointed with this one is what I can assure you. But if you get your kicks from some kind of a gory looking apparition continuously screaming in a guttural voice, “Mein Chudail (Mangala Ahire) nahin hoon. Maine apne bachche ko nahin maara. Yeh Mera Ghar Hai. Mein yahaan se nahin jaane waali hoon. Aur mein tumhe bhi yahaan se nahin jaane doongi” (I am not a witch. I did not kill my baby. This is my house. I will not leave it. And will not let you leave it either) – then Ragini MMS is just the kind of movie for you. And of course did I mention that there is a decent amount of Soft Porn thrown in to add to the spice. Soft Porn that alternately shows Ragini (Kainaz Motivala) and Uday (Raj Kumar Yadav) in heat and leaves me wondering if women are actually that daft?

Nothing too great in the direction department from first timer Pawan Kripalani. But then again not too bad either. There are some scenes that make you jump up and actually scare you. And coming to the acting department, Kainaz Motivala hasn’t come too far ahead from her previous 2 attempts at Bollywood – Paathshaala and Wake Up Sid. Yes she has finally got a lead role. But if anything is going to make an impact from her side as of now, it would be the posters and not her acting skills in anyways. And it really doesn’t help her at all that her co-star, one Raj Kumar Yadav has done a commendable job to say the least. That’s the only saving grace of the movie as such. I don’t think it makes the cut from my end. 3 on 10 is what I say.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0570q7nNxHc

Fast 5 - Rio Hiest

And for the action geek, for those who thrive on speed, for those whose fix is a chase sequence in a movie that lasts for a good 7-10 minutes, for the ultimate action aficionado – there is one name which gets their juices flowing and rushing to the theatre with a willingness to spend whatever is put up as the price for the ticket. That one franchise from Hollywood which has regaled action freaks for exactly a decade now and promises to entertain for a few more typically has 2 words. One of them is called Fast. No points for guessing the other one. In its 5th edition, the makers have chosen to ignore the 2nd typical word and go with a more compact FAST 5. There are man movies and then there are more man movies and then there are those who scream out MAN MOVIE!!!! Fast Five is in the 3rd category without a doubt. And for those who genuinely have a doubt I suggest you watch Fast 5 and judge for yourself. If you still have a doubt, a serious brain over haul is recommended by this writer.


Replete with sequences of car heists from trains, stealing safes from banks and high speed car chases through the streets of Rio de Janeiro, Fast 5 is a treat for even those who can tolerate action movies. Starting with the first sequence where our lovey dovey couple of Brian O’Connor (Paul Walker) and Mia Toretto (Jordana Brewster) decide that they are not going to let Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) spend 25 years in jail. So they first get him out of the prison car in absolutely daring fashion. But Dom decides to disappear after that. The couple continue onto Rio where they are supposed to hook up with Dom @ Vince’s (Matt Schulze) place. Dom doesn’t turn up at the place but does appear miraculously in the train when they are jumping 3 cars. What the 3 of them are unaware of is that the cars are under supervision of the DEA and that the job is for Hernan Reyes (Joaquim de Almeida) who owns Rio. When 3 DEA agents are gunned down, the blame of the killing falls squarely on our heroes. They need to redeem themselves and so get their strike team back together - Gisele Harabo (Gal Gadot), Han Lue (Sung Kang), Roman Pearce (Tyrese Gibson), Tej Parker (Ludacris), Tego Leo (Tego Calderon) and Rico Santos (Don Omar). But there is one teeny weeny problem who goes by the name of Special Agent Luke Hobbs (Dwayne “The Rock” Douglas Johnson) who has been deputed to bring our “killers” back home.

Fast Cars – really fast cars, Fast bikes, men with rippling muscles, hot chicks – correction super hot babes, Super sizzling woman on a bike, Extremely hot Brazilian cop, Awesome chases, great fights – especially one between The Rock and Vin Diesel, a absolutely apt background score to complement the action and did I mention sizzling babes (I must have) – the only thing that I can think of that was missing was acting. Now Now dears – whatever made you get your expectations up on that front. If that was present then Fast 5 would have reached the Oscars. Justin Lin has directed 3 movies in the franchise including this one. And I see no reason why he will not do so in the next one – yet again, please stay till the end credits – the 6th edition will have some even more sizzling babes – Eva Mendes and Michelle Rodrigues to begin with. As mentioned earlier, if you think you can tolerate action movies even a wee bit, you will find Fast 5 entertaining enough. 12 on 10 for the action. Overall rating of 6 on 10 from my side.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi1723702553/

Limitless

Eddie Morra (Bradley Cooper) has writers block. He believes that he can write a decent book and for some reason the publisher also feels the same way and gives him an advance. However, a few weeks down the line, Morra has not written a single word. Things come to a head when his girlfriend, Lindy (Abbie Cornish) decides to get out of his life. She truly loves the guy but cannot see herself staying with a loser who cannot write. Needless to say, Eddie is quite shocked with the turn of events. He too loves Lindy and tries to keep her back by making a meek attempt to propose (Note – never propose to a girl out of desperation like Eddie Morra does). As he is making his way back home, he bumps into the last person in the world that he wants to see. His ex-brother in law Vernon Gatt (Johnny Whitworth) who also was a drug dealer, the last time Morra had met him. Eddie was married to Vernon’s sister Melissa (Anna Friel) albeit for a short period of time – a few hours as Vernon jokes.


Compelled to have a drink with Vernon, Eddie finds himself in a bar where Vernon tries to sound concerned about how Eddie’s life has been panning out. He tells Eddie that he is no longer a dealer but a consultant for a pharma company. He is currently testing a product which enables the average human to access parts of their memory which would normally not be available on demand. Just the kind of answer that Eddie needs for his problems. Vernon leaves a sample pill with Eddie which not only helps Eddie finish nearly 100 pages of his book but also gets him to score with the hot wife of the landlord – helps when u are behind on the rent right. The next morning, he wakes up to find the old Eddie and he wants more of NZT48. Because what you could achieve with it is LIMITLESS.

Extraordinary concept – Average execution. Pardon me for being from the Christopher Nolan school of movie making. But when you come across a concept like Limitless, the possibilities are indeed as many – and the makers seem to have missed a point there. A very well adapted story from the book Dark Fields by Alan Glynn written for the screen by Leslie Dixon and shot quite well I must say. If you were to ask me how could they have bettered it, I may not have an exact answer but from a lay person perspective like mine, the movie just didn’t seem finished well. Bradley Cooper comes up with yet another decent performance but just doesn’t seem to be able to go to the next level with his acting. That he was in the shadow of Robert DeNiro for this movie didn’t help him at all. Most of the other cast is quite passé with the exception of probably Andrew Howard who plays the Russian “money lender”. Neil Burger’s direction is again just about decent. The movie does hold you to the screen for the better part of 105 minutes but still leaves you with a feeling that so much more could have been done with it. Overall, an entertainer for sure. Do put it into your must watch list. I give it 6.5 on 10.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi2114755097/

Thor

When I first saw the trailer of THOR, what excited me more than the concept of yet another Marvel comic being converted to a movie was the fact that Natalie Portman was part of the movie. So here is probably my first disclaimer – I thought I was but now I am completely sure about this. I know I will be joining a very long queue of people in the world. I also know of a few friends in my life who are in the same boat as me chief amongst them being Sumantra Mukherjee (sorry Sumo – your competition just increased by 0.001%). I also know that one Benjamin Millepied is probably feeling insecure and yet smirking under that smile of his that he currently holds the principle rights to Ms. Portman. So without much ado here goes – I AM IN LOVE WITH NATALIE PORTMAN. So it is going to be extremely difficult to keep this movie review unbiased. However, I am trying my best to do so. In case there are any differences of opinion then it can be attributed to the state of mind that I am in currently which concerns one of the lead actors in the movie.


Now let me try and get you back to the review. Thor (Chris Helmsworth) is an arrogant young man. Along with his friends Volstagg (Ray Stevenson), Hogun (Tadanobu Asano), Fandrall (Josh Dallas) and Sir (Jaimie Alexander) have fought many a conquest to protect and to extend the rule of Asgard. He is the first born of Odin (Anthony Hopkins) and Frigga (Rene Russo) – The King and The Queen of Asgard. He believes that his father is not being fair when he refuses to attack their worn enemies – The Frost Giants of Yodenhime. He decides to take his father head on thanks to the instigation from his brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston) who secretly harbours the thought of becoming king after Odin. Thor attacks Yodenhime on his own and barely manages to get back alive. But Odin doesn’t take too kindly and banishes him to Earth and takes away all his powers. He also banishes Thor’s hammer along with him with a caveat that only a worthy person would be able to pick it up and then gain all of Thor’s powers. That’s when our hero crashes into astro physicist Jane Foster’s (Natalie Portman) car who is trying to investigate some strange but gorgeous Aurora which seem to be appearing at regular intervals of late.

I had no clue that Kenneth Branagh has a directing side to him as well. I have always known him to be a solid actor. In his first movie after Sleuth (starring Michael Caine and Jude Law) Branagh uses truck loads of special effects. Some action sequences especially the first attack on Yodenhime by Thor and Co are visual treats to say the least. I guess Branagh had to up the ante on that count. He must have tried his best to make Chris Hemsworth act. But the fine specimen of humanity that Hemsworth is, proves it once again that acting talent is inversely proportional to good looks. Long way to go for Hemsworth to make a mark of any sort. That he will continue to be Thor in the sequel i.e. The Avengers (stay till the end of the credits to have the first look) is good news for him I say. My inputs on Natalie Portman will obviously be coloured and hence I will refrain from any comment. So to round it off, Thor is an average superhero movie with great special effects and not too much acting on display. But its definitely a big screen movie and not one for the idiot box. So watch it on the big screen while it still lasts. I give it 5 on 10.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi1431476761/

Chalo Dilli

I maybe working in the fashion industry for now but that has nothing to do with what I believe is fashionable in Indian Cinema these days. And I am not talking about clothes – just to clarify. I make the “fashionable” reference to the profession that is considered to be “in” as far as Bollywood is concerned these days. It’s a 2 letter word and I don’t mean vegetable vendor or movie star or managing director. It is the exceptionally lucrative profession of Investment Banking. Every alternate movie has the lead male and in this case female star who is an Investment Banker. How in the blazes does one of the most coveted professions of all time generally land up being portrayed as if it’s the only one available is just beyond me. There are so many other professions that Lara Dutta could have picked up for her role in Chalo Dilli but the choice of heading a 635 employee 200 crore turn over investment banking firm was too tempting to pass. That her description of her job leads you to believe that it is more to do with FOREX (or maybe it was too fast for the comprehension of lowly mortals such as this writer) is not going to go too well with the Investment Banker’s Association of India (if there is such an organization that exists).

Mihika (Lara Dutta) – and I like that name – has to take the 1630 flight from Mumbai to Delhi to catch up with her husband who for some strange reason doesn’t stay with her. She is used to the frills and fancies of quick check in, business class and the likes. But for availing these services, one has to get to the airport and preferably on time. Mihika manages the first part but fails miserably on the 2nd part. Despite her meek and vain threat about how much business the airline makes through her, she is asked to take the next flight @ 2300 hrs (I assume it is not 11 am) which coincidentally takes off in reasonable sunlight – unless of course she takes an alternate airline. En route to the airport, she gets delayed by traffic and as luck would have it, the same despicable Dilli Wala – Manu Gupta (Vinay Pathak) – gets onto the seat in front of her. With great pain and with the help of her i-pod (which has all of one song loaded onto it) she manages to touch down. However, thanks to the i-pod – and Apple is not going to be too happy with this – she doesn’t hear the announcement regarding the diversion to Jaipur. She does manage to get a car with a driver who is half asleep and again bumps into Manu Bhaisaab who offers to take over in the driver’s seat. And so begins the journey through the desert with various modes of transport – that too in expensive high heels.

I missed out on Shashant Shah’s first, highly lauded Dasvidaniya. But if Chalo Dilli is anything to go by then I am exceptionally surprised at the accolades that his earlier attempt received. After a point of time, it gets insulting to the audience if certain basic consistency errors are overlooked – a clear indication of the “chalta hai. Audience ko kahaan pata chalne wala hai” attitude that’s used across the board. One would have expected more attention to detail than what was paid. That he cannot make the gorgeous Lara Dutta do better than what she managed also doesn’t reflect too well. But the casting coup from Shah comes in the form of probably the only actor who could have pulled off Manu Gupta. There is nothing else to speak about in the movie. Watch this one for yet another scintillating performance from Vinay Pathak. I give this a 6 on 10 – out of which 10 are for Vinay Pathak and -4 for all the gaffes and the atrocious version of Laila O Laila. There should be a ban on remaking all things Zeenat – no one can come close.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khRB85bwj-8

Water For Elephants

In these days of exceptionally brilliant and new concepts that keep cropping up, it is indeed a welcome change to watch a sloppy old school drama in a manner of speaking. One that is filled with romance, animals, a circus, heart break, action, tears, a despicable villain, a happy ending – in short, the whole shebang. A fail safe combination that most of our local directors and even the international ones have utilized to the hit but it was only director Francis Lawrence who was obviously smarting from his previous experience with science fiction (I am Legend) who found this to be the only method to kind of redeem himself. And he has done so quite reasonably. Not a brilliant movie by any stretch of imagination but definitely watchable and quite well made. Mind you, don’t get your expectations too high or inclined towards Oscar glory etc. This is just a nice movie to watch with the family (with some parental advice through in for good measure) on a Sunday afternoon / Saturday evening. Apologies in advance for not posting the review earlier so that you could have caught up with the movie today. Do try and catch up with it during the week if possible. I doubt it would survive till next week.


“Ladies and Gentlemen and children of all ages – Welcome to the most extravagant of extravaganzas”!!!! That’s how August (Christoph Waltz), the owner of the Benzini Brothers Circus welcomes his audiences in every town, way back in 1931. He takes over the business when the Benzini Brothers decide to give up on it and manages to take it to a respectable level in the market. However, he is still a long way off from making profits consistently. His star attraction is an acrobatic display on horses that his wife, Marlena (Reese Witherspoon) conducts. Things take a bad turn when they realize that the lead horse, Silver Star, has developed what they fear is an abcess. And it only gets worse when a stowaway Jacob (Robert Pattinson) joins them. Jacob is a drop out from the Cornel Veterinary School. His parents pass away in a car accident on the day of his finals and he is unable to complete the course due to the resultant financial situation. However, he knows when its curtains for Silver Star and much against August’s wishes puts him down. And along the way also falls for Marlena since both of them share their love for animals and don’t like how August ill treats most of them as well as the humans who are part of the show. The replacement for the lead attraction is a 53 year old gorgeous elephant who turns out to be an instant hit. But along with it, the initial attraction that Marlena and Jacob have for each other goes to the next level and love blossoms. August obviously isn’t too pleased.

Standard love story as mentioned earlier with some good stunts thrown in with animals. If Reese Witherspoon has done her stunts then I must say it is quite commendable. Working with animals surely can be tricky. Robert Pattinson is definitely in the movie only for providing eye candy for the female audiences. Christoph Waltz is superb to say the least – as always. The movie is made just about well enough to deserve a 6 on 10 rating from my end. Not that there could be something out of this world that could be done with an average love story. The narration could have been done better – maybe we allow the luxury of long romance movies only to Baz Luhrman these days. But then Luhrman does stuff to hold you riveted for over 150 minutes. Lawrence on the other hand could have chopped off a clean 15-20 minutes of this 2 hour attempt. Worth a dekko for certain. But even DVD would be fine.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi1397594649/

I Am Afia Megha Abhimanyu Omar

I Am Afia, Megha, Abhimanyu, Omar. Not the name of one movie. Not the names of the lead characters either. But 4 different stories. Each dealing with a topic that is extremely sensitive and has been portrayed quite boldly on screen. 4 short stories with a minor extent of intertwining through the appearance of one stray character somewhere in the story who is the lead character in the other. I Am is directed by Onir, who seems to have finally got his sense of direction in place. He seemed to have lost interest in film making with Bas Ek Pal and I was dead certain that he has lost his ability to direct with Sorry Bhai!!! It would seem that our man, who coincidentally was born in Bhutan, seems to have found his groove. Now, I haven’t seen My Brother… Nikhil yet and therefore am ill equipped to comment on whether he had it in the first place. But with I Am, Onir seems to have pushed back his detractors just that little bit. In a little under 100 minutes he has been ably supported with screenplay by Urmi Juvekar of “Oye Lucky Lucky Oye” fame and Merle Kroeger.


The first story is - Afia (Nandita Das), a 30+ woman whose only goal in life seems to be motherhood. Her husband, however, isn’t ready for the concept of fatherhood. While he keeps stalling her attempts, he is also happily cheating on her with another woman. A few months after he leaves Afia, she finds him with a visibly pregnant wife – shattering her even further. That’s when she decides to take the route of artificial insemination.

Afia’s friend Megha (Juhi Chawla) is clearly against the concept. But has problems of her own. Her ancestral place in Srinagar has to be sold off and she is extremely circumspect about going there today. A Kashmiri Pandit by birth, the scars of being forced out of her own land and leading a life that was far from enviable has built a sense of disgust and angst against the very people who she grew up with. She does build up the courage to fly over and complete the formalities but all through the visit, she is nothing but crabby towards Rubina (Manisha Koirala) who used to be her closest friend.

Afia’s business associate Abhimanyu (Sanjay Suri) is quite shocked when she asks him to donate sperm for the procedure. Abhi has been bought up in a household where his step father (Anurag Kashyap) would abuse him when his mother was away. Abhi is now bisexual and doesn’t quite value relationships as much as he should.

Abhi was involved in a minor fling at one time with Jay (Rahul Bose). Jay has been a victim of a con job at the hands of Omar (Arjun Mathur) and a cop (Abhimanyu Singh) in the days preceding amendment of Article 377.

The usually popular names – Manisha, Juhi, Nandita Das and Sanjay Suri falter with their performances all through the movie. But the dependable Rahul Bose comes up with a solid performance yet again. Ditto for Purab Kohli who is fast growing into a mature actor who can comfortably hold his own. I do hope to see more of Purab in the coming days cause I believe his best is yet to come. Rounding off the cast is probably one of India’s best actors today – Abhimanyu Singh – who yet again delivers a splendid performance in the small but pivotal role of a corrupt cop who abuses his position not just for sexual favours of a gay kind but also for extortion. What disappointed me with Juhi and Manisha – and I guess they aren’t to blame for it – was the obvious struggle to speak Kashmiri. Now I am no language expert per se but I do understand when people are struggling to speak a tongue that is not native to them.

In a nut shell, I Am is a well made movie with some good performances and definitely worth a dekko. But for certain only meant for the mature audience. I was honestly not surprised with the laughter that erupted in the hall during the stories of Abhimanyu and Omar. We live in a country of literates but not educated. Watch it if you can. Don’t know if it is still playing though. wouldn’t be surprised if it isn’t. 6 on 10 from my side.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdWQZFFGdBA

Source Code

I have always been a firm believer in the concept of a parallel universe…. Actually parallel universes. Everything that we do can lead to millions of possibilities and there are millions of such possibilities that are existent somewhere in the fourth dimension. That somewhere is a place unfathomable to woman, man or child with the limited intelligence that we are bestowed with by the person upstairs. And every once in a while a movie will come along that will reiterate it to us and leave nearly 90% of the audience in a state that can be only described as – confused. You can add Source Code to that not so long list of movies and be prepared to be thoroughly confused for a while before you can actually figure out what exactly is happening. This is not a spoler. Just an advance warning for whats in store for you.


Captain Colter Stevens (Jake Gyllenhaal) is dead. Or is he? Well for all practical purposes he seems to be. His last assignment was flying a chopper in Afghanistan where it would seem he has been KIA – Killed in Action for those who are unaware. But that’s not to be. He does wake up. But he wakes up in a train that’s headed towards Chicago as he finds out when he wakes up. He finds himself right in front of the gorgeous Christina Warren (Michelle Monaghan) who seems to think that he is not Captain Stevens but someone completely different – a George Troxel if my memory serves me right (I may be wrong here but the name is honestly irrelevant). He slowly but surely tries to get his bearings right but is unable to understand how he got into the train in the first place. He tries to put up with the conversation that Christina is having with him but kind of gives up after a while. A few minutes later, the train explodes that’s to a bomb and takes a passing Frieght Train also along with it.

Suddenly, Captain Stevens finds himself suspended from the ceiling in some kind of a capsule or a pod for lack of any other word. He has a screen in front of him on which an officer (of the air force probably) Colleen Goodwin (Vera Farmiga) is trying to calm him down. Stevens, it would seem is part of a programme code named Beleaguered Castle. Before he can find out much about his whereabouts he is buzzed back into the train and finds himself at the beginning of it all. But this time he is told that he has 8 minutes to find out about the bomb, its whereabouts, disarm it and if possible help apprehend the bomber because the next one is supposed to go off in Chicago City. Stevens is part of a programme called Source Code which used the capabilities of the human mind that can retain everything upto 8 minutes even after the physical body has given up.

Duncan Jones’ first major attempt into cinema is one where he tries to desperately build a concept like Nolan did with Inception. An interesting concept for certain but the execution is far from Nolanesque and Jones doesn’t quite give you any hope to expect anything superlative in the near future either. The shuttling back and forth between the pod and train give you a minor headache for certain. Jake Gyllenhaal continues to show signs of desperation in his performance. He has always seemed so confused to me. Michelle Monaghan doesn’t have much of a role. Vera Farmiga is calm and composed as always and it only helps that her role demands that from her. She has to be the single most gorgeous 38 year old in this world right? Definitely the saving grace of an otherwise quite average movie. Interesting concept but not very well executed. I give it a 5 on 10.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi3948911129/

Rango

It is inexplicable how movie houses fail to see the magic that a movie creates and move it off the screen within the blink of an eyelid. Just when I thought that I would take the opportunity to add another movie to my “must make everyone see” list, Rango moved out of screens this week. It’s a sad but true story of how quality work will never get enough critical mass in this country. In the same breath, an average animation movie such as Rio – and I tip my hat to 20th Century Fox’s marketing team on timing – is ringing in the cash across the country for over a month now. I say fantastic timing because it coincided with the kids vacations and every parent that I see at the box office counters is going nuts. Thank God for small mercies that there is no merchandise that has yet hit the stores. Is TCF missing a point here? I would guess so. But this write up is more to do with probably the best Animation movie released since Toy Story. An I would not be incorrect if I were to say that Rango moved out sooner than it should have because people just did not get it – because it is not a kids animation movie. It is one, for the more cerebrally evolved.

Lars (Johnny Depp) is a chameleon who has been relegated to the position of a pet. Yep – a pet chameleon who stays in a glass box with a few inanimate objects. A decapitated miniature doll, a plastic toy fish, lots of gravel, a bowl of water amongst other not so exciting things. And I can only assume that the family is shifting or doesn’t want to leave home without their darling chameleon – which explains why Lars is in the back of the car under the hatch. He is biding his time here by honing his acting skills – he believes that he is God’s gift to acting in the chameleon world. However, in between a skillful rendition of a romantic hero, an unexpected bump on the road and a near accident finds him ejected from his comfort into the desert – a place that he has never been in. After saving himself from an eagle on his way to a town called Dirt, he finds himself with Beans (Isla Fisher), a lizard who helps him to the town. He gets there only to find out water is as good as gold. But Lars’s survival instincts get the better of him and using his passion for acting he weaves a story about how he single handedly killed seven notorious brothers and how he is close pals with Rattlesnake Jake (Bill Nighy) the most dreaded animal other than the Chihuahuan Raven. He then begins his conquest, along with the Mayor John (Ned Beatty), a desert tortoise to find out where the water has disappeared.

I would have to agree with my good friend Vinay Zende on this one (not that we agree too much these days). Rango is not an animation movie. It’s a western. And I strongly recommend that you watch it like you would if you were watching a classic Clint Eastwood – who is by the way the inspiration for the character of The Spirit of the West (Timothy Olyphant). The quality of animation is lifelike – almost alive – as good as Clint from TGTBATU – and if u don’t know what that ridiculous abbreviation means I suggest you have a relook at your status as a lover of Western Movies. The voice overs especially the ones by Bill Nighy for Rattlesnake Jake send a cold shiver down your spine. The narration by the four Burrowing Owls is amazingly amusing and yet so creative. I honestly cannot find fault with Rango in too many places, but there are a few consistency errors which can be noticed by probably the seasoned movie watcher only. The Gore Verbinksi and Johnny Depp combination has done it again I say!!!! Don’t miss Rango – its definitely a 7.5 on 10 if not an 8. My first pick for the nominations from 2011 for the Academy awards.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi2047646233/