Chatur Singh Two Star

The posters were quite obviously indicating a clear inspiration from Pink Panther and better sense should have prevailed over me before I picked up the tickets for Chatur Singh Two Star. But then I had to go ahead with a decision that on hindsight (a virtue that everyone has) is one that I really regretted for the next couple of hours. Now you may ask me why I spent 2 hours inside the theatre when I had a choice of walking out in the first 5 minutes – that’s all it takes to realize that CSTS is one of the worst movies ever made in the history of cinema? That can make it easily to Reader’s Digest’s “Mysteries of the Unexplained”.

I am a huge fan of Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers in The Pink Panther) and his hilarious side-kick Kato. And I was literally in tears and almost cried to see the entire concept torn to shreds by first time director (again) Ajay Chandhok. It is quite obvious as to why Chandhok took 16 movies as an Assistant Director before he was given this opportunity. Must have really done some big time favours to the producers for them to hand over their hard earned money to Chandhok. There is no point in speaking about script or cinematography or screenplay or dialogues or editing or consistency or narration or music or finishing or whatever it is that goes into making a movie watchable. Chandhok will need to consider himself really really lucky to have a chance at making any other movie after this.

Acting? What acting? Was there someone who did in this movie? Sanjay Dutt has all but put up a neon sign which says “My acting days are over”. Suresh Menon is expected to be slapstick and he sticks to what he knows best – slapstick. And Anupam Kher? Why? Why?? Why??? Ameesha Patel has also joined the neon sign club but this time it says – “I work in only C grade movies that expect me to show my ample cleavage”. There are a couple of item numbers showing Ameesha in various stages of cleavage – that she has quite a bit to show is not debatable. I guess this was the only aspect that caught the attention of the half a dozen couples who chose to walk into Sterling Cinema on a Saturday morning to make out.

I was extremely disappointed with the Steve Martin version itself which I thought did little justice to the extremely classy manner that Peter Sellers gets the concept of a bumbling bungling detective to life. Lets get that a few notches lower in the form of Chatur Singh who is rank insulting to the great man to say the least. The only reason I would give this any score is because it would be easier for my fans to search the 0 on 10 that I am about to give. Yes, this one even beats Milenge Milenge as the movie which would be screened most in most film institutes under the subject – How not to make a movie. The common factor – Satish Kaushik. Avoid like the plague.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qH0Gorau_QU