Bodyguard

Eid Mubarak to one and all and much like previous times, the much awaited Eid release starring Salman Khan is out today. And I obviously had to ensure that I catch up with it at the earliest but this time around I had the misfortune of watching the movie in a really cramped PVR screen 4 at Ambience Mall Gurgaon. And that too from the 3rd row. Sorry about that Renu and thanks for patiently sitting through what turned out to be the least entertaining of the previous 3 Salman Khan flicks that released on Eid. There was a joke that has been doing its rounds over the past few days. 2009 – IPS Officer; 2010 – Inspector; 2011 – Bodyguard; 2012 – Chowkidaar?; 2013 – Chaprasi? Has Salman come to the end of his winning streak so to speak which started with Wanted that I would have easily rated as a 5 on 10 if not more. Dabangg was not a great movie from a perspective of quality of movie making but it was 100% entertainment to say the least. I had given it a 4 on 10 but also a 10 on 10 on pure entertainment value. Bodyguard sees Salman getting down to the abyss from a perspective of quality of movies over the past few years. One can only hope that the positive is – you can only get better from here. Only time will tell.

Bodyguard definitely gives the die hard Salman Khan fan and all the women in the house a lot to cheer about and drool over respectively. There are the magical Salman moments that can only be described as simply stunning & outstanding to say the least. The burst of water from a pipe that sprays itself with utmost force onto Salman’s torso forcing the buttons of his tight black uniform open – actually sending the buttons flying all over the place – and the shirt in itself is forced off those rippling muscles (at age 46 mind you) and onto to face of his villain who has to really put in some effort and goes by the name of Aditya Panscholi. An act that can be pulled off only by Salman and no one else (apologies to Rajani Saar but we are talking about Bollywood here). And then there is the most kick ass of all dialogues – Mujhpe Ek Ehsaan Karna… Ke mujhpe koi ehsaan na karna (Do me just one favour… that you don’t do me any favours). Just that the best Salman dialogue in this movie pales in comparison to – Ek baar mein commitment kar deta hoon toh mein apne aap ki bhi nahin suntan (once I have made a commitment then I don’t even listen to myself).

That there are a dime a dozen cheap dialogues thrown in by the ridiculously fat new comer Rajat Rawail who plays the role of Tsunami do nothing to add value to the movie is just one of the low points. These dialogues not only dilute the punch that Salman carries all the way through to the end. Performances from anyone else just don’t come upto the level that he has. Kareena will prove to be just well dressed eye candy to most people who are her fans but to those who aren’t fans like this writer it is just one painful scene after the other. The music by Himes bhai (Himmesh Reshammiya – with all the m’s in the world) is decent but not one of his better works. Overall, you will struggle through Bodyguard and will survive if you are a Salman fan. And of course Katrina looks heavenly in the 2 minutes that she comes on screen. 3 on 10 overall.

The trailer can be viewed on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoF4OJkWH3U

Blood Diamond

Now here is a movie worth watching over and over and over and over again. And then when you have seen it enough times over you can watch it once more for good measure. I think Leonardo DiCaprio came of age somewhere in 2002 when he did Catch Me If You Can. I could give him credit for The Beach as well but I guess he was just starting to warm up. But my word did he take off after his portrayal of Frank Abagnale Jr.!!! As the corny one liner goes – there was no turning back. Danny Archer was his 3rd role after Frank Abagnale Jr. and man did he get it to rock. Truck loads of effort gone into getting the accent right. Another few truck loads of effort gone into getting the overall feel of a diamond smuggler. Quite a bit of hard work Leo boy and a pity you could not grab hold of Uncle Oscar despite all of the effort. Hope in hell that you would have known about Mr. Whitaker and his portrayal of the Butcher of Uganda. Tough Luck Leo. I am quite certain you will get this sooner than later.
Now let me see. Why do you think Blood Diamond was never even nominated for an Oscar. I have tried to rack my brains for a long time over this. But then the Academy may have its fetishes for finer nuances which us lowly mortals are not familiar with. Did Blood Diamond have a storyline – hell it did. A cause that no one had picked up to date which also made it fresh i.e. never before told story of conflict diamonds which had started getting into the news a while before Edward Zwick picked it up. And it is an original. So was it the performances? Maybe. But then both Leo and Djimon earned nominations. So I guess it cannot be acting. Yeah I guess no one else had much of a role to play in the entire movie which I agree to but one cannot fault either Jennifer Connelly or Arnold Vosloo with bad acting. It was a well knit movie in terms of performances.

So it has to be editing right? But there again there was a nomination for the golden statuette. Well I kind of gave up after going through the list. Maybe the direction was not upto mark or maybe the screenplay. What it was, none of us will ever know. If there the nominations are based on a voting system then I would guess Blood Diamond would have lost out extremely marginally for some more awards. Or put this entire concept of a doubt to my account because I am an amateur critic – probably need that FTI class really really soon (makes mental note).

If you haven’t seen Blood Diamond yet then I suggest you catch up with it whenever it plays on any of these movie channels or better still – buy your own copy ASAP. It will truly be worth it. I give it an 8 on 10 easy. Yenjoy the show I say!!!!

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi180027673/

Chatur Singh Two Star

The posters were quite obviously indicating a clear inspiration from Pink Panther and better sense should have prevailed over me before I picked up the tickets for Chatur Singh Two Star. But then I had to go ahead with a decision that on hindsight (a virtue that everyone has) is one that I really regretted for the next couple of hours. Now you may ask me why I spent 2 hours inside the theatre when I had a choice of walking out in the first 5 minutes – that’s all it takes to realize that CSTS is one of the worst movies ever made in the history of cinema? That can make it easily to Reader’s Digest’s “Mysteries of the Unexplained”.

I am a huge fan of Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers in The Pink Panther) and his hilarious side-kick Kato. And I was literally in tears and almost cried to see the entire concept torn to shreds by first time director (again) Ajay Chandhok. It is quite obvious as to why Chandhok took 16 movies as an Assistant Director before he was given this opportunity. Must have really done some big time favours to the producers for them to hand over their hard earned money to Chandhok. There is no point in speaking about script or cinematography or screenplay or dialogues or editing or consistency or narration or music or finishing or whatever it is that goes into making a movie watchable. Chandhok will need to consider himself really really lucky to have a chance at making any other movie after this.

Acting? What acting? Was there someone who did in this movie? Sanjay Dutt has all but put up a neon sign which says “My acting days are over”. Suresh Menon is expected to be slapstick and he sticks to what he knows best – slapstick. And Anupam Kher? Why? Why?? Why??? Ameesha Patel has also joined the neon sign club but this time it says – “I work in only C grade movies that expect me to show my ample cleavage”. There are a couple of item numbers showing Ameesha in various stages of cleavage – that she has quite a bit to show is not debatable. I guess this was the only aspect that caught the attention of the half a dozen couples who chose to walk into Sterling Cinema on a Saturday morning to make out.

I was extremely disappointed with the Steve Martin version itself which I thought did little justice to the extremely classy manner that Peter Sellers gets the concept of a bumbling bungling detective to life. Lets get that a few notches lower in the form of Chatur Singh who is rank insulting to the great man to say the least. The only reason I would give this any score is because it would be easier for my fans to search the 0 on 10 that I am about to give. Yes, this one even beats Milenge Milenge as the movie which would be screened most in most film institutes under the subject – How not to make a movie. The common factor – Satish Kaushik. Avoid like the plague.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qH0Gorau_QU

Bad Teacher

What are the words or thoughts that come to your mind when I would utter the two words Cameron & Diaz? Lets see. Blonde. Hot. Bimbo. Tall. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Drop Dead Gorgeous. Luscious Lips. Charlies Angels. Anything else? Come on, I am sure you can come up with some more adjectives to describe Cameron Diaz. But I am quite certain that the noun “Actress” would be used by very few to describe her. Am I right or am I wrong? I have always found Diaz to be an exceptionally attractive woman but never one who can claim to be an actress. Rest assured she has more expressions in her repertoire than most “actresses” in this part of the world I assure you. But she still doesn’t make the cut to compete with the more intense genuine actresses in her part of the world. Which gets her relegated to the slapstick comedies like Bad Teacher or at times the more sensible RomComs like Holiday (which I believe is one of the best RomComs ever made and in my all time favourite list of movies as well – have I lost a few followers? :P).
The one thing Diaz doesn’t have that quite a few other actresses or “actresses” can boast of is a nice rack (I hope children don’t read my blog and that would also be the case of taking them to watch Bad Teacher. Don’t take children with you). Which seamlessly merges into the story of the life of Elizabeth Halsey (Diaz) whose only purpose in life is to enhance her assets. Her obsession with money and the boob job get her engagement to a millionaire fiancé to breaking point. The mother-in-law to be, ensures that it breaks off with little ado. Halsey who has just quit her job as a teacher – a job that she absolutely dislikes – finds herself back within the blink of an eyelid to sharing an apartment with a Hobo and with little or no money in the bank. Therefore, the only option left was to go back to the school and ask for her job back – which she duly gets.

What follows is the classic American Slapstick variety of Comedy which I believe goes very well with the crowds these days. People find anything and everything humourous. I am convinced that it is just me who doesn’t appreciate this genre where Justin Timberlake behaves as if he is a class A loser – and Timberlake showed with his performance as Sean Parker in Social Network that he is not a bad actor at all. Cannot pay the same compliment to Lucy Punch however. Don’t recollect her from any of her past movies although I have seen some of them – Bad Teacher will leave you with the same feeling. Nothing but irritation for her character – Amy Squirrel. The only guy who seems to be comfortable on screen is Jason Segel who does a decent job as the “never say die” gym teacher whose only intent is to get into Halsey’s pants (now that I would definitely not mind). Bad Teacher lived upto my expectations of being a 5 on 10. Easy watch for those who enjoyed the likes of American Pie. For the others, avoid.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi3131219225/

Sahi Dhandhe Galat Bande

This movie can be described with inspiration from one of the greatest leaders of all time – Abe Lincoln (coincidentally saw Bad Teacher yesterday which had a small snippet of Lincoln). Sahi Dhandhe Galat Bande is a movie of THE Pravin Dabas, by THE Pravin Dabas and for THE Pravin Dabas. I had thought of this line about a week back when I saw the posters of SDGB for the first time – hadn’t seen them because I have hardly been in Mumbai for the past few months. And believe you me, this is the first line that came to my mind. The poster had Dabas all over it. And if that was not sufficient, it is also produced by – no points for guessing – Preeti Jhangiani (for those who are unaware, she is THE Mrs. Dabas). Notice the use of the article before Pravin Dabas. Quite intentional since the entire movie is pretty much about him, only him and no one else but him – maybe some extended family but that’s about it. Right from the start credits, where you will notice at least 4 mentions of Dabas all the way to the end credits where u will notice probably 6 of them. And there is barely a scene where he isn’t present. How much of obsession with ones own self Mr. Chironjilal?
Sahi Dhandhe Galat Bande is actually about a social cause and due credit to Dabas here because he doesn’t waste too much of time actually getting to the topic. A few minutes of build up and we cut directly to a bunch of farmers led by Malik Bhai (Yashpal Sharma) who are fighting for their rights. Their land has been taken away from them forcibly and the government has paid them a princely sum which is 1/8th of the actual value. All a big scheme which is being controlled by business tycoon Agarwal (Anupam Kher) along with the Chief Minister, Jaya Gulati. To help manage the situation, they call upon the services of the local goon, Fauji (Sharat Saxena) who deputes the task to his trusted lieutenant, Rajbir (Dabas – god I thought I would never get to him  tried my best ). Rajbir has just returned from jail. He quickly gets around to getting laid by a bikini clad woman in a Jacuzzi, then gets laid by his ex girl friend Neha (Tena Desae) who is due to get married (so much for fidelity) and also gets to listen to a few senti words from his Tai (Neena Kulkarni). All of this changes his orientation and he wants to help the farmers out – Wow!!! That was quick!!!!

But the movie isn’t. It drags on a bit too much for my comfort. There is loads that I would have cut. But Dabas chose to make it the way it has been. Credit to Dabas in terms of being able to direct himself which not too many people can do. And the fact that he chose his support cast reasonably well helped him out significantly. Most of them are either seasoned actors or fresh actors who seem to have spent quite sometime in theatre. All with the exception of Tena Desae and Udit Khurana who were really bad. What Pravin Dabas sucks at though is all the other aspects of movie making – cinematography was almost non existant and also editing. The script was almost an excuse. Music had nothing much to write home about either. I give this 4 on 10 purely because Dabas tried to and I am quite certain he will get there in the world of cinema. Hopefully sooner than later. All the best Mr. Pravin Dabas.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDenL5FXomA

Not a Love Story

Ram Gopal Varma could not have picked up a better time for the trailers of his movie to be released and then the eventual movie release. It was bang at the time when the verdict on the Maria Susairaj case was about to be announced. A couple of weeks into the trailer and one of the most absurd verdicts (that’s what I believe – it is totally personal) ever by the Indian judiciary was announced. I guess it has been a little under a month since the verdict and unfortunately for RGV, Anna and the World Champions, for totally different reasons, have hogged the lime light. As of now, everyone in this country is interested only in the Jan Lokpal Bill. And maybe a few would be interested in knowing the build up of the Susairaj case and where it finished.

And why in the blazes would RGV start the movie with a disclaimer that this is a work of fiction. Surely all of us know that the movie is about the Susairaj case and it would only mean that Maria Madam and Jerome Sir refused to co-operate with the RGV Factory in terms on the money that was offered. Maybe they will cash in on it over time at a much higher level – crime is after all a very lucrative profession as has been proved in the past in more developed economies.

That being said, RGV also ends the movie with 4 dramatic statements – please don’t hold me to this because it may not be verbatim but I am quite certain it was something to this extent.
“The Prosecution wanted both of them to be killed
Their lawyers wanted them to kill each other
The two of them wanted to die together
Finally the verdict is still awaited”
RGV Sir – Gross!!!! How much cornier do you want to get?

The movie starts off with great promise and intensity thanks to Deepak Dobriyal who has put up another stellar performance and kind of keeps the movie alive. I was quite intrigued though with the choice of Dobriyal for this role but he comes out on tops. RGV uses his signature camera angles which are a bit off beat and it does make you think that RGV is back. But then one starts feeling a tad giddy in a bit. But for a couple of specific shots which gave the output that was desired, the other angles only made the movie look more like a horror story and not one that was based on a crime of passion. Mahie Gill has never been able to get back to the near perfect performance she gave in Dev D. I guess it will continue to be her nemesis in a manner of speaking. Needs to stop trying too hard to get there. The same syndrome as Jr. B after Yuva. Not much of a support cast with the exception of Zakir Hussain (remember Rashid in Sarakar) who is the only person who comes close to Dobriyal’s performance.

Overall disappointing. I was so hoping that RGV was back. I really like RGV and find it quite sad that he seems to have gone onto a different planet. Either we need to join him there or he needs to get back to Mother Earth. 5 on 10 is what I would give NALS. Watchable but don’t expect too much.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrbcn2k-FMI

Kick Ass

This is the 3rd Matthew Vaughn movie that I am reviewing. That would leave me with a RomCom titled Stardust. It would be interesting to note that Vaughn is not a uni-dimensional director by any mean standards. I thought his work in X Men First Class was average but that was more to do with the fact that X Men should have been directed by Bryan Singer always to maintain consistency. With L4yer Cake, which was his debut movie, Vaughn did quite a solid job of a fast paced action packed drug dealer movie. He then moved into fantasia with Stardust which I still have to see. And last year with Kick Ass, he joins the Super Hero genre. Next up from his table is the sequel to Kick Ass which is aptly titled Kick-Ass 2: Balls to the Wall. I must say though Vaughn has done a commendable job with Kick Ass as well. It was called out by many as a very solid movie and that I must see it. I was more than glad to stay awake till late in the night to finish watching a very entertaining flick and with the exception of the incessant advertisement breaks (which really really get to you every 10 minutes) it was a thoroughly enjoyable experience. Vaughn’s capabilities to pay attention to detail in a movie that would have otherwise been completed just as a random super hero movie, is quite commendable.

The only weak point in Kick Ass would be the presence of my favouritest actor of all time – Mr. Constipated or Mr. I have been recently dumped by my past 3 girl friends – you got it right – Nicholas Cage. I mean in what frame of mind did Vaughn decide to pick up Cage for the role of Big Daddy / Damon Macready an ex cop who is set up by the local drug lord Frank D'Amico (Mark Strong) and has to spend a few years in prison. His wife is distraught with the turn of events and decides to take her life. However, the excessive sleeping pills fail to kill the baby that she is carrying and leaves Damon to take care of Mindy Macready (Chloe Moretz) who will then go on to become Hit Girl – replete with purple hair, purple costumes and an HG belt as well.

But in this entire scheme of things who or what is Kick Ass??? Kick Ass aka Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) is this loser boy, the average nerd in high school who no one gives a second look, the absolutely ignored soul or whatever else you would like to call him. Now Dave has always wondered as to why is it that no normal human being has ever taken inspiration from comic book super heroes and gone on a super hero spree in regular life. Like fighting crime on a day to day basis and ensuring that the streets are kept as clean as possible of crime. Not the easiest job in the world because you consistently get beaten up and get back home bloody and sometimes land up in the hospital. But Dave keeps at it and eventually gets into cohorts with Big Daddy and Hit Girl in the noble intent of putting an end to the D’Amico legacy. It’s a totally fun journey I assure you. You will be kept entertained all the way. Safe bet – 6 on 10.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi1572603673/

Aladdin

It is so wonderful to watch a movie that was released nearly 20 years back and still feel that it was a timeless work of art. I had watched Aladdin around the time of release itself way back in 1992-93 thanks to my movie addiction (which has still not been cured coincidentally) which started a really long time back. I still remember humming “A whole new world” by Brad Kane and Lea Salonga for the movie and then the single by Peabo Bryson and Regina Belle all through college and how much of a sought after track it used to be. A truly ever green number that deserved every bit of the Oscar that it received that year for Best Song. A pity that Animation movies did not have a separate category at the Oscars till 2001. Aladdin would have been an auto qualifier for the award and would be if it were released even today. Not too many movies in the history of animation have the timeless quality that Aladdin gets to the table. No wonder that Wikipedia calls it out as part of the Disney film era known as the Disney Renaissance.
There are obviously very few of you out there who would not know the story of Aladdin (Scott Weinger) so I really would not waste my time or yours in explaining the gory details. It would suffice to say that Disney has stuck true to the classic Arab tale of the street urchin who stumbles onto a huge treasure, gets conned by an evil wizard, Jafar (Jonathan Freeman) who is also the minister of the Sultan of Agrabah, falls in love with the Sultan’s daughter Jasmine (Linda Larkin) and also gets the services of a wonderful Genie (Robin Williams) along the way.

The casting of Aladdin is simply superb to say the least with the stand out voice casting being that of Robin Williams. If you click on the video link at the end of this review for the trailer you will notice the absolutely fabulous performance from Williams as the Genie. It is outstanding to say the least. I would consider it as probably the best performance in the field of animation to date. The ones that would come close to Robin Williams as the Genie would be Ellen DeGeneres as Dory in Finding Nemo and Jeremy Irons as Scar in Lion King who have voice overs which are fabulous. Even then Robin Williams would be miles ahead. Incomparable to say the least.

Ron Clements & John Musker are something of a made for each other pair in animation movies. They have made only 6 movies between the 2 of them and all of them have been together. How is that for a sense of commitment? I guess we could all learn a thing or two about collaboration from them. However, I would guess Aladdin was their moment of truth and they have not been able to recreate the magic at the same level ever again. Having said that, their future creations have still been miles ahead of the crap that we have seen over the past few years. Needless to say, Aladdin is a fabulous watch and definitely a 8 on 10. Don’t miss out on it. Playing these days on one of the movie channels.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2421621785/

Hancock

If ever there was an award ceremony for the world’s worst super hero movie then Hancock would be there somewhere in the top 5. For the life of me, I have not a clue as to why Hancock was never nominated for the Razzies in the year of release. In fact it was defended quite strongly by the razzies that the movie was actually not all that bad. I beg to differ with the Razzies on this count and retain my point of view. There is hardly a point of view that Peter Berg even attempts to make through the movie. I definitely give credit to Peter Berg for his versatility of acting and directing which very few people can claim to do. But just putting your name in the director’s slot does not a director make right? One has to pay careful attention to aspects that go beyond stating, “Lights, Camera, Action”. There are several elements of movie making that you would be best placed to identify and us amateur film critics would not be so sure about. But I would guess that the list would include, acting, editing, screenplay, dialogues, cinematography, script amongst the more important aspects and would then go on to the lesser ones. Dear Mr. Berg – with all due respect, I would guess you have missed out on almost every single aspect of film making and focused on just putting together 90 minutes of crap based on some really big names in the business of acting.

Well you weren’t all that ill placed Mr. Berg. Quite certainly there would have been enough and more in the world who loved the concept of a normal looking human being who is a super hero. So what if he is drunk out of its wits more often that not? And so what if he causes more damage to general property that most of the bad guys would have anyways caused? It is all supposed to be for the greater good right? Wrong as the people of the city say over a period of time. It is not possible to sustain this random destruction of property in the name of saving human lives and stopping crime. And therefore, Hancock (Will Smith) very quickly finds himself in jail doing some time. But not before he is backed up by a Public Relations expert called Ray (Jason Bateman) whose life is saved by Hancock (what is the probability of being stuck in front of a train at a manned level crossing and the train doesn’t stop but continues to run into you. Obviously there is no one who has flagged the train to a stop earlier). Together Ray and Hancock try to repair Hancock’s ruined image in the market.

The only saving grace about Hancock seems to be the ethereal presence of Charlize Theron. Sadly, it has nothing much to do with her acting prowess and only to do with her looks. But I am not complaining. I could look at her for the rest of my life. So 90 minutes seemed more like 90 seconds. Consistency errors are the hall mark of Hancock and as mentioned earlier, there are no aspects that are basic to movie making which are actually followed in the movie. It may be random fun but it is not a good movie by any stretch of imagination. 3 on 10 is my verdict.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi2497904921/

Couples Retreat

There are RomComs that make you go oooh and aaah the entire time in mushiness (I can’t believe there is a word like that in MS Word). And there are RomComs that are nothing but an attempt at soft pornography under the garb of a RomCom or slapstick American comedy. Couples Retreat falls under the second category and that too quite easily. It is actually a no brainer about 15 minutes into the movie. And whats worse is that on Indian television most of the soft porn is edited. So you don’t even have that to look forward to. There would be more soft porn on the trailer that you find on imdb or on you tube than what you would see in the 2 hour slot that the Television channel provides for. So you are now caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. If you are really tempted to watch Couples Retreat then I suggest that you spend some time downloading the uncut version from wherever it is that people download movies. That too if you are that desperate. (if you have time to download stuff, you may as well download porn right why waste your time on soft porn).

Appealing to the Indian audiences however, would be a matter of supposed pride in the fact that this would be A R Rahman’s 2nd movie in Hollywood. Rahman could not have picked up something that was worse. He had Slumdog before this which was quite good as a matter of fact and 127 hours after which was average at best. But he should consider himself reasonably lucky that he got an opportunity after Couples Retreat because the music was an uninspiringly put together combination of songs and music that would be associated with the Caribbean and nothing more. There was hardly anything original about the entire project. And therefore, it is more embarrassing than a matter of pride when the credits say “Original Music By” and not just “Music By”. Regretably it has to do with one of my favourite composers of all time and in fact probably the most popular composer of our time.

Couples Retreat tries to cover the story of 4 couples who are apparently at various stages in a relationship. One is apparently doing reasonably well. The next is in a relationship that can best be described as promiscuous – they are both unaware of the word fidelity. The third spends time making power point presentations about how their married life has lost its spark – rather than do something about it. And the last guy is divorced and general humping around with a girl that is old (or should I say young) enough to be his daughter. All of this along with the direction (or should I say the lack of it) of Peter Billingsley in his first (and probably last) movie provides us with a cheap concoction of what is termed as classic American comedy. A true waste of time. 3 on 10 for some parts that are reasonable.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi2681274905/

Extraordinary Measures

Now I have to give some kind of a spoiler alert for this. OK, not a spoiler alert but an alert nevertheless about how the more emotional of you would be challenged big time to keep your tears back, a few minutes into this movie. And from then on, you would face the worry every few minutes. Yeah it is that kind of a movie. One that would go extremely well with your family on a Sunday afternoon with the kids around because there are just so many messages that the kids can take away. And it surprises me a lot (actually it should not) that this one again never saw the light of the day on the big screen in this country. Why is it that there are so many movies that are not released in India despite there being a reasonably large sized market out here? In sharp contrast, there are movies which are premiered in India along with other markets – for e.g. Avatar. Well anyways we live with what we get I guess.

Muscular Dystrophy or Pompe has no known cure but there are therapies that help reduce the impact in a manner of speaking. But if you are a father of two kids who have Pompe, then what would you do? How far would you go to find a cure for the disease? Would you quit your job which pays you enough and more money as a senior manager and more importantly the $40K that you need every month as insurance for the kids medical fees? Would you consider relocating from Portland to Nebraska – only about 2500 kms away only because the one person who could be in the right direction for the cure is based out of Nebraska? Would you consider picking the scientist’s cure and raising half a million dollars for starting up on the cure all by yourself? And would you consider that the only purpose in your life is to find a cure for Pompe despite the fact that your kids may not have more than a couple of years and the cure would take an indefinite time? John Crowley (Brendan Fraser) answered yes to all of the above questions. He decided that nothing was less when it comes upto his kids and he would go to whatever extent required to find the cure for Pompe.

I like Brendan Fraser. I think he is an under rated actor and needs to just find himself the correct roles so as to get him into the really quality league. No inputs required for the most bankable star in Hollywood and Keri Russell as the simple mother of two was also pretty good. It is indeed a very commendable effort from director Tom Vaughn to have managed to get the required emotions out from every single person of the cast. The movie is after all primarily driven by the emotions of a desperate father. I thought it was a couple of hours invested well. I am quite certain you would also find it to be the same. The TV premiere was on HBO last nite. I am quite certain it would be repeated over the next few days. Catch it if you can. 7 on 10 is what I would give it.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi2237007129/

Phhir

Starting 1920, Vikram Bhat has taken to the genre of the super natural a little too much for my comfort actually. First 1920 then Shaapit: The Cursed and then the mother of all “Oh save my life” movies called Haunted 3D (notice that I am consistent with the naming of the movies as well. This time however, he hasn’t directed it but produced yet another super natural movie which uses words like “medium” and “bhagwaan ka bheja hua banda” (someone sent by God) like there is no tomorrow. This one has to do with a psychic with definite inspiration from some Hollywood movie or the other which I am not able to recollect (so much for being someone who reviews movies). Basically it is not anything that we haven’t seen before.

The story revolves around Dr. Kabir Malhotra (Rajneesh Duggall) is a name that figures in a list of “Asians who rocked Europe”. Now how is that for a list to be in? Too cool in the Vikram Bhatt world I am sure. Anyways, he is well and truly in love and also married to Sia (Roshni Chopra). Sia is a lawyer and is applying to be a professor in a local university in Newcastle. That’s where they stay. Kabir is a doc alright but he is also one hell of a late latif. He has always made Sia wait for all their dates and on the day when they are due to have their celebration dinner for Sia getting the job, he doesn’t turn up on time for once. He lands up only a couple of hours late. Now hows that for taking your wife for granted. Not too cool Mr. Malhotra. Because this time around, Mrs. Malhotra doesn’t wait for too long and leaves. She isn’t reachable and neither is her best friend. A night goes by without any calls and eventually Dr. Malhotra files a missing person report. That’s where he bumps into (literally) Disha (Adah Sharma) who is actually a psychic and helps the local police quite often in solving several cases. She gets a vision that Kabir actually needs her help and what do you know – she is there.

Phhir is an extremely tackily made movie – add this to the ever growing list of tackily made movies from the Vikram Bhatt stable. It is strewn with exceptionally bad screenplay. The dialogues / script are atrocious at best. The only person in the cast who seems to have tried to act is Adah Sharma but even she is average at her best attempt. The rest of the cast should seriously consider alternative professions. Roshni Chopra should stick to television, Rajneesh Duggall to modeling and Dr. Mohan Agashe (notice the Dr. before his name these days) should stick to social networking advertisements which is the only way he is going to get any action. The good part of the entire experience of watching Phhir was that I got what I had expected. A 3 on 10 movie.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViSp08n5Dfk

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

And yes the rumours are true – The Rise of the Planet of the Apes has nothing to do with The Planet of the Apes starring Mark Wahlberg which released in 2001 OR for that matter the Charlton Heston version 33 years before its remake. This one works the other way round actually. The previous two spoke about how the lead cast find themselves in a planet where the Apes are way ahead in terms of civilization and how homo sapiens sapiens come to terms with the existence of such a race. However, this one is far more normal to begin with but over the course of the movie kind of morphs itself into yet another one of those sci fi movies which you take at face value and assume that it is possible. Don’t watch TROTPOTA (that acronym itself is so long one would forget the movie before it starts) unless you would go to the movies to watch something totally real (which would make you someone who doesn’t like James Bond).
Will Rodman (James Franco) is a scientist who is working on a cure for Alzhiemers through Genetic Engineering. He has been working on it for quite a while (I could have been fooled considering that he hasn’t aged one bit in his job – would have started quite early in life). He works for an organization called Gen Sys and he boss, Steven Jacobs (David Oyelowo) like any average business man is clear that he is willing to invest more money in the project provided there is some progress. Will thinks that they has been a lot of progress made thanks to a chimp which the project fondly calls Bright Eyes shows loads of improvement. However, hell breaks lose for no apparent reason and Bright Eyes goes on a Gen Sys destruction spree only to lose her life. Jacobs orders all the other chimps to be put down. However, Bright Eyes has left a baby just before she died. Turns out she was only trying to be protective. But she has passed on the strain to Ceaser.

One would find it quite obvious that loads of scenes in the movie have actually used the “green screen” or in other words appear pasted. It is quite surprising in this day and age considering the extent of technology that we have access to. And then there is James Franco who continues to be just about average. I am totally convinced that Franco got his nomination for 127 Hours purely on sympathy. I mean he is good alright but doesn’t seem to get under the skin of his character like a lot of actors from his age do like Leo DiCaprio if I were to name one. Freida Pinto is just part of the furniture and nothing more. The movie pretty much belongs to Ceaser and no one else – in terms of focus that is. The transition from just average intelligence to one that yearns to lead a pack of apes and does it successfully is shown quite well. One of the few good things about TROTPOTA. Not too great or too bad actually. 5 on 10 is what I would give it. The hall was full however, so I guess the world would beg to differ.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi1615502617/

The Spy Next Door

Bob Ho (Jackie Chan) is a plumber by profession and he stays in a quiet suburb somewhere in the US. He is of Chinese origin (of course) and is single. He is an exceptionally sweet guy to say the least and helps the people of his neighbourhood at the drop of a hat. Especially if the person is Gillian (Amber Valletta) who is his next door neighbor. With Gillian he doesn’t have much of a choice honestly. He is well and truly head over heels about her. A fact that Gillian is well aware of and endorses. So much that she has already said yes to his proposal for marriage. Something that hasn’t gone too well with Gillian’s 3 kids – Farren (Madeline Carroll), Ian (Will Shadley) and Nora (Alina Foley). I would be unfair if I said that all 3 hate him. It would seem that Ian and Nora are fine but are under the influence of Farren who is Gillian’s step daughter actually. So as you can see, it is all a very complicated situation that these five people find themselves in.

Complicated? You must be kidding me. Ho is regarded as one of the best spies to ever have existed in the world and is on loan from Chinese Intelligence. In fact, he goes by the pseudonym – Super Spy Man – in most inner circles of spydom. He also has a lovely song that has been written for him like there is one for Spiderman or Fireball XL5 (if you remember). In short, he is a revered person in his circles. And he has already called out to his colleagues Colton James (Billy Ray Cyrus – I thought the only time he acted was in Hannah Montana) and Glaze (George Lopez) that he is on his last assignment which has to do with the capture of renowned world terrorist and most wanted Poldark (Magnús Scheving). After that he will retire for good and settle down with Gillian and her 3 children. He does catch Poldark in the first few minutes of the movie. But then the movie would be finished right? And as expected Poldark manages to escape!!!!

The Spy Next Door is one of the four movies of Jackie Chan that released last year. And for those who do not know, he turned 57 this April. 57!!!! And I am struggling to get to work @ 36. He does 4 movies that involved all of his antics and more in the same year???? He is indeed Super Spy Man. I have always loved Jackie Chan for his absolutely humility on and off screen that makes him an actor who is so sought after no matter what genre of movies you like. I have yet to meet anyone who really hates Jackie Chan movies. If there are any, I say – get a life guys. The man has enthralled us for nearly 50 years now. And with stunts that most people cannot even imagine. I liked The Spy Next Door since it is vintage Jackie Chan again. The rest of the cast pales in comparison. They do their jobs for certain but it is the Jackie Chan Show all the way. You will not get bored for the 90 odd minutes that the movie runs for. Director Brian Levant ensures that there are enough and more action sequences with the little master and lots of slapstick comedy also thrown in. I may not a give it a great score at 6 on 10 but I do believe that it is extremely enjoyable for both Jackie Chan fans or otherwise alike.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi3031631129/

Traces of Red

Someone was mentioning not 2 days before I saw Traces of Red that he or was it she who keeps confusing James Belushi with someone else (I cannot remember for the life of me who it was). And whaddya know. A couple of days later, I am sitting at home flipping channels and this movie pops up and it was the only one playing, that I had not seen before. And it seemed to have a decent story line. But then most movies seem to have a decent story line when u press the “i” button on your Tata Sky remote (makes mental note - must evaluate that as a possible side career option. I am quite certain I can do it extremely well :D). Movies made in the late 80s / early 90s have this really weird feeling about it right? And I have kind of come to the conclusion that it is totally due to the entire fashion disaster that this period actually was. I mean who really invented baggy pants must be rolling in his grave as of now and if not then I condemn him to roll in his grave :D – show of hands for how many people agree with me.

Anyways, moving on to the crappy movie that Andy Wolk – no prizes for guessing how many movies he has made and the reason for the number after he delivered Traces of Red. In parts, Traces of Red just seems like a soft porn movie. In fact it is just that – a soft porn detective flick where the lead role is of a police officer – Detective John Dobson (James Belushi) and his partner Detective Steve Frayn (Tony Goldwyn) are like 2 sides of a coin. Different but yet the best of friends. The latter is married and settled down with sort of hot wife who is willing to have sex with him in the patio of his house (now how many wives would you know who do that?). Which would kind of explain why he has been loyal to his wife – or has he? On the other hand, Dobson is this casanova of sorts who changes his women by the night if not the minute. Adding the element of mystery is Ellen Schofield (Lorraine Bracco) who is an extremely rich and influential woman and also promiscuous – a very lethal combination and Donson and Frayn are about to realize when they start investigating a series of murders that start plaguing the town. Is Schofield the killer or is it someone else?

Now I would not want to spoil the movie despite the fact that it is not the best made movies of all time. The element of mystery is definitely existent and kind of manages to keep you held to the screen. What is really bad is almost everything else. The acting is obnoxious and totally gets to you within a few minutes of starting. There is absolutely no semblance of direction or screenplay or dialogues or editing or anything else that one can associate with movie making. Thank goodness for the element of mystery else this 1992 flick would not have seen the light of the day for certain. That and of course the sleazy soft porn scenes are what would have got this movie a release. 3 on 10 is what I say.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUidYmbrl44

Tree of Life

Now these are the times when you really really really believe that the existence of the amateur critic is threatened. How do you expect us lowly mortals to first of all sustain nearly two and a half hours of psychedilia and then understand the depth with which it was made and then write a review about it? Mind you the world seems to be raving about Tree of Life. The imdb rating is 7 on 10. But then when you go through some more research about the movie – you have to, just so that you can be sure that you are not the only person in the whole wide world who almost slept through a movie that the whole world seems to be raving about – you finally find out that you are not alone. It seems to be a movie with ratings that are poles apart. There are 9 / 10 on 10s and there are 0/1 on 10s. So either people have totally loved it or totally hated it. Phew. That was a relief. Because I was all this while thinking that I was the only one who was part of the latter group. Such a welcome relief.

The only Terrence Malick movie that I had seen before Tree of Life was one called “Thin Red Line”. In part though I must confess. And I do not remember it being psychedelic and so lateral as Tree of Life. The movie – Tree of Life that is – is littered with lines from the Bible which are whispered all through the movie and ring in your head as if it were someone speaking in your head and you so desperately want to get that person out. And then there are visuals of asteroids crashing into planets like Saturn and Jupiter to the background of arias ala 2001 a Space Odyssey – only Malick should have realized that he is not a Kubrick and Zarathustra wasn’t on his side unfortunately. After a while (not more than 30 minutes) it gets really really really irritating and you yearn for the movie to end sooner than later. Only you have to wait for nearly another 2 hours before you can make it through. I swear I caught myself sleeping at least 4 times in the 2 hours and then also almost fell asleep on the way home.

It is called as impressionist cinema by some websites. Simply put, art cinema for the likes of us. But really, Tree of Life, is not meant for the regular movie goer at all. It is meant for only those who are studying the so called “impressionist” cinema and are going through the formalities for a class project. It takes a while for one to figure out that the movie is about Jack (Sean Penn) who has been bought up by an exceptionally stern but typical father O’Brien (Brad Pitt) in the 50s. Today Jack is kind of going through his childhood days and actually trying to figure out the actual nature of the relationship that he had with his father. Malick sure knows how to make a story like that so complicated and convoluted. Avoid the movie if you aren’t into art cinema in its truest form. 1 on 10 just for the courage to put it out there.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi612735001/

Aarakshan

The power of marketing or should I be more specific and say “Jab PR kiya toh darna kya”??? (Corny as hell ain’t it :P). But that is exactly what you could describe the events over the past 2 days as. First there were reports from Uttar Pradesh and then Punjab if I am not mistaken. And then finally Andhra Pradesh joined the bandwagon. One can be quite certain that this bandwagon is not going to grown exponentially. The reason – Because there is nothing objectionable at all in Aarakshan. Its nothing but a brilliant piece of PR and I tip my hat to the agency behind it. A superb way to generate more excitement around a movie that was anyways expected to be good and fare quite well at the BO. The news of the ban and the intense promotion around the news has only helped it more – or has it? I would have thought that people would have anyways gone to see the Big B in his 2nd movie for the year and his first truly respectable role since Paa. I thought BBuddah was OK but nothing immensely respectable by a country mile for the biggest star in Indian cinema. As such the entire PR stunt was generally much ado about actually nothing. In fact I thought I may have missed a thing or two since I was so eagerly looking out for what was it that people of UP or AP and most surprisingly Punjab found in the movie to ban it. Weird I say.

Aarakshan (Reservation) tries to deal with the ever controversial topic of reservation on the basis of caste and creed. Is it justifiable to use reservation as a means of getting back at another caste or group of people from a specific caste purely because hundreds of years back, you were a victim of the same? Doesn’t it make sense to reserve seats for the truly economically backward and that too if and only if they really show some spark? Why is it that teaching as a profession is not given as much importance as say the Police or Civil Services. So where you have options to become an IAS Officer or an IPS Officer, why is it that you don’t have the option of becoming an ITS Officer (Indian Teaching Services)? And then again should the government not be doing its bit to really work on quality primary education and providing facilities to those who are economically backward or for that matter from the so called backward communities which give them a level playing field with anyone else and encourage fair competition? Are these coaching classes just converting education into a full fledged money making business and nothing else? Just some of the questions that Aarakshan throws up. What was so controversial about it, I would never know. Just leads me to believe that we are still just a literate nation and far from being an educated one.

I have always loved Prakash Jha’s direction especially since Gangajal where he really got his levels of intensity into direction really high. A trait which kind of seems missing in the first few minutes of Aarakshan but if you are a bit patient, it slowly creeps up and comes to the Prakash Jha that we are familiar with. The tempo also keeps fluctuating but Jha keeps the overall interest alive all through. What I did find a tad tacky was that some scenes were not seamlessly stitched together. From a perspective of performances, I could only find fault with Pratiek Babbar who still seems like a struggling child artiste. The screen presence of the Big B and Manoj Bajpayee are superb to say the least. And Saif continues to do reasonably well with the exceptions of some robotic moments. The same case with Deepika (who is totally stunning especially for 10 seconds when she wears the blue saree and pink blouse). Music was average. A couple of consistency errors which I found too surprising just added to the feeling that not only was this clearly not Jha’s best effort to date but also one where not much attention has been put in either. A tad disappointed but still a good movie to catch up with. 6.5 on 10 is the verdict.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi792042521/

He's Just Not That Into You

I love the way this movie starts. The first few statements are simply superb. It actually solves the age old mysteries that I had about the female mind. You start watching He’s Just Not That Into You (HJNTIN) and it clears every little doubt about the convoluted female brain (I am certain to lose some female fan followers after this) that you may have had in your mind. Heres the way it goes. The theory says that as children most parents teach their young girls that, “Boys who behave badly with you actually have a crush on you”. This theory then morphs into statements such as, “He cannot handle your emotional maturity” OR “He cannot handle the fact that you are good looking” Or his capability to manage your success is very low”. All of these are statements made by closest friends and relatives who will follow it up by promptly saying, “But he loves you a lot you know”. And dim witted women actually get suckered into it!!!! =)) =)) I mean how difficult is it to believe that, “HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU”??? I could not have said it better.

HJNTIN follows the lives of 9 people who are in various stages of a relationship. And this narration is going to get very complicated. So please bear with me. We start with Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin) who believes in putting herself out there as often as she can irrespective of whether her heart gets broken or not – lovely approach but needs an immensely strong heart. She is on a date with Connor (Kevin Connolly) who isn’t too interested in her but more interested in the sizzling hot Anna (Scarlett Johansson). But Anna doesn’t really care much about Connor. To her, Connor is just a squeeze which she uses when she is feeling low. Why she doesn’t see the merit in Connor is beyond my reasoning. Anna bumps into Ben (Bradley Cooper) at a supermarket. Ben is extremely smooth with her and charms her off her feet despite openly declaring that he is married to Janine (Jennifer Connelly). Janine and Ben are having severe problems with their married life and Anna is just the release Ben shouldn’t be looking for. His closest buddy, Neil (Ben Affleck) definitely doesn’t approve of this. Ben has been in a seven year releationship with Beth (Jennifer Aniston), is truly in love with her but doesn’t believe in marriage. Something that Beth is not willing to live with. Now Beth, Gigi and Janine are colleagues. In between all of this is Alex (Justin Long) who is Connors room mate and has trust issues. He appears to be extremely happy go lucky but does let anyone too close to himself. And yes, there is Janine’s good friend Mary (Drew Barrymore) who is struggling to come to terms with technology and how it has affected relationships.

Thrown into this complicated Khichdi (Goulash) are some great one liners (watch out for Drew Barrymore’s small monologue on the tech bit). The 9 people in the lead roles are given pretty much equal screen time and deliver some really solid performances. Ken Kwapis is the guy who also directed Dunston Checks in (Remember the chimpanzee movie?). Predominantly a TV director, he seems to be one of the rare cases of a TV director being quite good on his big screen ventures as well. Some good humour thrown into this heady mix of complicated relationships makes HJNTIY a very enjoyable flick – chick flick nevertheless and my love for them keeps growing. 7 on 10. I liked it. A lot. Most guys may not (I am the exception). Most girls will.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi1239875865/

Hollow Man

It has been 11 years since Hollow Man released. I should have managed to see it a lot earlier right? Definitely a lot earlier than last evening. But then there are loads of movies that I haven’t seen as soon as they have released. This year itself, I would have missed about 20-25 movies already. And hold your horses. I had not seen Deewar till about 3 years back. OK I can already feel the brickbats coming in. *sigh* what can I say. Deprived childhood  (grinning simultaneously at silly joke).

One thing I can say for certain though is that I don’t think I missed much by delaying Hollow Man by 11 years. Maybe it would have been a different reaction 11 years earlier for certain considering the amount of special effects used in that day and age would make it a great attempt and that the likes of Inception and Avatar would make Hollow Man seem pale in comparison. Yes, there would be a bias to that extent. But even if I were to eliminate the bias and look at the concept and the way it has been fleshed out and executed, it leaves a hell of a lot to be desired. The absolute casual manner in which genetic changes are discussed and played around with makes the experience of the movie exactly that – casual. Actually one could have expected a director like Paul Verhoeven to deliver exactly this considering. His previous sci fi movies were good, in fact great at effects but not too great at execution – Total Recall and Robocop being good cases in point. Guess Mr. Verhoeven did not learn much. Got swayed with his experience in Basic Instinct – but not every movie has a Sharon Stone that will distract people’s attention right Paul Sir?

What Paul Verhoeven has done right though is to show the negative side of having the gift of invisibility and how much one can misuse it. The transition of Dr. Sebastian Caine (Bacon) from being obsessed with being the first person to crack the code of invisibility to going insane with the power of his very creation has been shown quite well I must admit. If only the passion of the character was transalted into the passion of movie making by coming closer to perfection and not giving a half baked product. Forgive me for the repeated comparison with the likes of Christopher Nolan but I guess that’s what differentiates decent directors from great directors. The complete focus on attention to detail and thereby getting an end product that is super memorable.

Cannot say much about the casting either. Kevin Bacon, Josh Brolin and Elizabeth Shue would have made for a solid combination for certain. But all seem quite listless. The only person who seems to have given close to a 100% is Kevin Bacon who is quite intense through the entire movie. Overall, a barely OK watch. Would have been great in its time but did not stand the test of time for certain. 5 on 10.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hI4uJec4qHc

Chak De India!!!

16 ladies who were converted to being household names 4 years back (will be 4 years in 1 week) - Vidya Sharma (Malavade), Balbir Kaur (Tanya Abrol), Gul Iqbal (Arya Menon), Nethra Reddy (Sandia Furtado), Soimoi Kerketa (Nisha Nair), Rachna Prasad (Kimberly Miranda), Raynia Fernandes (Raynia Mascerhanas), Nichola Sequiera (herself), Rani Dispotta (Seema Azmi), Bindia Naik (Shilpa Shukla), Gunjun Lakhani (Shubhi Mehta), Mary Ralte (Kimi Laldawla), Molly Zimik (Masochon V Zimik), Aliya Bose (Anaitha Nair), Komal Chautala (Chitrashi Rawat) and Preety Sabharwal (Sagarika Ghatge). It will take a while before people are able to forget these names which probably go us closest to a victory in a world cup hockey. Shimit Amin’s second movie was an even bigger block buster than his first one (Ab Tak Chhappan) and went on to cement his position as one of the better directors in Indian Cinema.

Shimit’s capability to generate enough enthusiasm to deflect the audiences attention from the really finer details is what makes him a solid movie maker. What he does beautifully is creating the excitement from the first shot of the movie where Kabir Khan (Shah Rukh) misses the penalty stroke in the final few seconds and so the world cup. Every few minutes he ensures that the movie actually touches an emotional chord with every viewer – and he does so beautifully with almost every Indian through Chak De India!!! Such as when Nethra Reddy is asked, “Tamil” and she says “Tamil aur Telegu mein utna hi farak hota hai jitna Punjabi aur Bihari mein” (The difference between Tamil and Telegu is identical to that between Punjabi and Bihari) Or when Mary Ralte and Molly Zimik say, “Aap apne hi Desh mein mehmaan banke rahoge”? (Would you like to stay as a guest in your own country) A Superb way to touch the regional sentiments and then get the nationalist sentiment also up and running with “Vidya Sharma. India”. Very slick movie making Mr. Amin.

Each character is clearly defined in terms of origin, aspirations, problems and what she expects to achieve from the campaign to win the world cup. Whether it is Komal’s desire never to be in a kitchen or Preety’s wish to prove her boyfriend wrong or Vidya’s need to win the world cup so that people at home let her live her life or Gul’s family’s legacy which she must live upto. Every single person with the exception of probably Nichola Sequeira, Rachana Sharma and Raynia Fernandes have been given their due.

Having said that, there are enough and more gaffes which would be visible to one if and only if s/he were to watch the movie through the eyes of a critic who wants to find mistakes. And even there Shimit would have a decent explanation to offer. The inspirations from Miracle on Ice are unmistakable though. The only place where I could question Shimit on his complete “originality”.

It is exceptionally difficult to review a movie that the entire world has seen and without doubt is completely in love with. Chak De is definitely the best sports movie made in India to date and could compare with some of the better ones world over for sure. If we were familiar with Ice Hockey or American Football I am certain we would find the same consistency errors that we do in Chak De. But the fact that Shimit has made this move as true to field hockey as possible is all credit to him. I would still give it an 8 on 10. Cant give more because I am aware of the flaws. But for those who haven’t seen it, you have definitely missed something. Add this to your MUST WATCH list.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NWwrarwqPE

She's Out of My League

There are movies that you watch because they ought to be watched. There are movies that you avoid because they ought to be avoided. And then there are movies that you watch because there is nothing better to do in life. Sitting @ home in Goa with no one around weekend before last, I had to kill time for about 30-40 minutes because Pizza was on its way and Juhi & Ashley (my friends in Goa) were out for some work. The couch potato (and u must see me these days – I look like a potato only) that I am, channel surfing took me to “She’s Out of My League” (SOML). Those who read my blog would know that I am a sucker for chick flicks. But what really got me to watch this movie was that I switched it on at just the right time – When the stunning Alice Eve makes her entry at the airport and heads turn. Jokes apart – I actually sat up and stared. Now here was a stunning beauty to say the least who had just walked into screen and I was so hoping that she doesn’t say something stupid and ruin the entire moment. Thankfully she did not. And therefore, I was resigned to watch SOML for the next 90 mins or so much to the chagrin of my hosts – my sincerest of apologies to Juhi and Ashley who are probably the nicest hosts to have tolerated my whim to watch such a lousy movie.

Because after that moment of Alice Eve’s entry, it is perfectly downhill. Kirk Kettner (Jay Baruchel - The Sorcerer's Apprentice, Tropic Thunder) is your average everyday boy next door (read LOSER). He typically spends his time with 3 of his friends who are also boy next doors (read LOSERs). Stainer (T.J. Miller), Jack (Mike Vogel) & Devon (Nate Torrence) are Kirk’s closest buddies – Chaddi Buddies type. They are your lower middle class folks for whom, getting a job is good enough. Now Kirk has the hots for Marnie (Lindsay Sloane) but she has dumped him 2 years back. The trouble is she continues to stay in his face coz Kirk’s parents think the world of her and Kirk’s elder brother and Marnie’s current are good friends. No one would have expected Kirk to get anywhere in life. That he had a job as an Airport Security person, was good enough. But that’s what gets Kirk to meet Molly (Alice Eve) and love happens along with some really bad slapstick American so called comedy.

Watch SOML only if you are suckers for punishment. If you believe American Pie was a 10 on 10 then SOML would be right up your alley. Anything lower than that and you have a problem on your hands. I am sure there is a separate genre for these kind of movies and I am quite certain that director Jim Field Smith is an expert of sort in this genre of movie making. In his first full length feature, Smith doesn’t quite leave much of a mark honestly. But I guess there is a market for crappy movies and he was just making the most of it. Why blame him. The only way you can sustain SOML is to fast forward to every scene that has Alice Eve in it – and there are lots. She is confident and awesome looking to boot. A tad short but who cares when you have a 10 on 10 otherwise. Avoid the movie like the plague cos it is playing on one of the movie channels. 3 on 10. Everything because of Alice Eve’s looks.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi870384665/

Letters to Juliet

Gary Winick is the director of chick flicks such as 13 going on 30 and Bride Wars. Both of which were movies that would barely manage to make the cut. He also did Charlotte’s Web which was more in the kiddie genre and 6 other movies that I haven’t seen or heard of. But with Letters to Juliet, he kind of gets his direction to the proverbial next level. He does get it soppy and a bit hard to believe in between but gets the movie to feel quite good overall.

The first thing he does is get the story right. Now how many of us would have heard about the Secretaries of Juliet? I know I did not know about them. I am not a shining example of knowing everything (although I would love to believe so) but it would be fair to assume that most people did not know about the concept and it was therefore a novel story in the first place. People from all over the world can send letters to Casa di Giulietta / Juliet’s House, Via Cappello, 23, Near Piazza delle Erbe, Verona, Italy and a team of volunteers sit down at the end of every day to answer each one of them. A practice that has been in place for over 70 years today.

Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) bumps into the concept and therefore into Isabella (Luisa Ranieri), Francesca (Marina Massironi), Donatella (Lidia Biondi), Maria (Milena Vukotic) & Angelina (Luisa De Santis) who have been volunteering as the secretaries of Juliet for quite some time now. Sophie is visiting Verona for a pre-honeymoon of sorts with her husband to be – Victor (Gael García Bernal) – a superb chef but a person who doesn’t really know how to take care of Sophie. Needless to say, Sophie starts drifting away from him. The secretaries offer her an avenue to take her mind off Victor and she bumps into a letter that was left in the wall 50 years back. She does take a chance to reply to the letter – just to check on what could happen. And before you know it, Claire (Vanessa Redgrave) who is pushing 70 currently, arrives in Verona with her grandson Charlie (Christopher Egan). Thus begins the search for Lorenzo Bartolini – Claires long lost love of 50 years.

Letters to Juliet is a lovely movie to catch up with on a lazy, rainy Sunday afternoon when you are all cuddled up in bed with your boyfriend. As mentioned earlier, it does get a bit soppy in between and the love story between Chris and Sophie is expected but comes in a bit too fast for my comfort. But Gary Winick, more than makes up in the other parts. There is a good bit of Italian humour thrown in and the performances are also quite good. Vanessa Redgrave is stunning in her role of Claire. And I have previously sung enough praises of Amanda Seyfried who continues to be one of the better actresses in recent times. Worth a dekko for sure. 6 on 10.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi1896810265/

Did You Hear About The Morgans?

Paul Morgan (Hugh Grant) and Meryl Morgan (Sarah Jessica Parker) are married to each other for a while now. Paul is a successful lawyer and Meryl is in real estate. All is not well with the Morgans because they have been separated for 3 months now thanks to Paul having cheated with his secretary – something that he deeply regrets and has been since trying to repair. But Meryl doesn’t want to see his face (atta girl!!!). Paul is however quite persistent and is making a very genuine effort to try and make things better. Things are however about to get worse for the Morgans because after a conference, as Paul is walking Meryl back to her home, the 2 witness a murder – and also the murderer – Vincent (Michael Kelly). But the bad news is that the murderer has also seen them and in a situation like this, 3 letters cross your mind first – R-U-N!!! Run is what the Morgans do. Not just from the crime scene but from New York thanks to the FBI insisting that they both join a witness protection programme. Paul and Meryl and transported to the back of the beyond – where no one would imagine looking for them – Ray, Wyoming. They find themselves in the care of Clay Wheeler (Sam Elliott) and Emma Wheeler (Mary Steenburgen) who are Sheriff and presumably Deputy of the town. They not only teach the Morgans a thing or two about living within ones means but also about relationships in general.

Did You Hear About the Morgans (DYHATM) is your average everyday Romantic Comedy and is currently playing on one of the movie channels. It is the kind of movie that you would watch when you are working on your laptop and clearing your mail or doing something else that is equally important. You would not miss much if you step out of your seat to get something to eat like a bag of chips or even for that matter brew yourself some tea. Its nice and easy paced and ideal for home viewing (I do remember having seen it on the big screen though – but then that’s me :P). Director Marc Lawrence is quite clear that his favourite actor is Hugh Grant. He has made 3 movies including this one and has cast Mr. Grant in each one of them. In fact Hugh Grant is also coincidentally the right person for the role as well. He is always on tenterhooks, feeling very edgy, unsure about whats going to happen next and sarcastic to the core – atypical Hugh Grant character. SJP continues to amaze me as to how someone who is as far away from good looking as can be, can actually look so hot every single time. It’s the SATC effect that continues on her. Meryl Morgan as a character is not too different from Carrie Preston. Decent performances from the couple. Reasonable direction to keep the movie as tight as possible. Well packaged end product. You would not have missed anything if you did not see it. But you would not feel bad if you saw it. 5 on 10 I say.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi3008890137/

Khap

There was a 30 minute segment in a movie that released last year (or was it year before last). A movie that was not taken very well by the masses because most of the audience didn’t understand it at all. I had, on my blog, described Love Sex Aur Dhokha as a very brave movie. But more importantly, the treatment of the super sensitive topic of Honour Killings by ace director Dibakar Banerjee was simply brilliant. In sharp contrast, Ajai Sinha makes a mockery of such a strong topic. It doesn’t take too much time to realize why Mr. Sinha was without a movie for over 6 years. His last one was this obscure movie called Stop! Now I haven’t see Stop! yet but the direction in Khap doesn’t inspire me at all to watch it.

What Dibakar Banerjee took less than 30 minutes to communicate, Ajai Sinha could not achieve in over 2 hours. Primarily because he spends truck loads of time to show us a useless love story between 2 barely legal kids (as per the movie they have just entered college). An extremely corny and of course predictable story unfolds through part of the movie between Ria (Yuvika Chaudhry) and Kush (Sarrtaj). Ria’s parents Madhur (Mohnish Bahl) and Komal (Anuradha Patel) have moved to the city 16 years back after Madhur fights with his father Chaudhary Saheb (Om Puri) over ways that can only be described as Jungle Law. Chaudhary Saheb is the President of the Khap – a collection of 40 villages where everyone is related to the other in some convoluted manner. A boy and a girl from the same Khap cannot get married. And if they are of the same “Gotra” then it is sacrilegious and calls for the death penalty – remember what I said about Jungle Law. Needless to say, Madhur had to run away because the rest of the clan refused to change its ways. But 16 years later, he returns as the lead of a Human Rights Commission group to try and find evidence. Easier said than done right?

Pathetic acting is the hallmark of Khap. And what beats me is that the likes of Om Puri and Govind Namdeo seem to have forgotten how to give any kind of performance. Doesn’t take much to figure out that Yuvika Chaudhry cannot act no matter how hard she tries. Add the ridiculous name of Sarrtaj to the same list that Yuvika is part of. Alok Nath comes in with a cameo about how the Khap also does lots of good (which is true by the way), falls flat with his acting, makes a fool of himself even with only 2 minutes of screen time and runs away with his tail between his legs – exceptionally embarrassing performance. He should stick to being the doting daddy of a girl child (which he has been doing forever). Direction, Editing, cinematography, screenplay, music and all the other aspects of good film making were all but absent throughout the 2+ hours. Horrible way to spend a Saturday morning. Sorry for posting the review late (if you saw the movie between Saturday afternoon and today). 2 on 10 and that’s only because it isn’t as bad as Milenge Milenge.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hE7T4rrBCi

Layer Cake

When was the last time you saw a movie on VCD? I just did last weekend. Was browsing through a friends collection of movies and found L4yer Cake. I had been looking for the DVD for a long time now but had not found it. So it wasn’t the least surprising that I was thoroughly excited at the prospect of watching it. But then it turned out to be a VCD – I don’t remember the last time I had seen one. The worry with watching a movie like L4yer Cake is that it is extremely dialogue intensive. And VCDs don’t have subtitles. Lowly mortals like yours truly are unfortunately not blessed with a capability of being able to listen to dialogues on media that has truly low quality audio (excuse to ignore the 3 pegs of whiskey that was already in the blood stream ). So it is with great difficulty that I managed to push myself through one whole CD of L4yer Cake. Needless to say, I was hooked and had to watch the 2nd as well (in case you have forgotten, VCDs come in 2 discs and not one like DVDs do :D:D:D)

This is the 2nd Matthew Vaughn movie I am reviewing in as many months, the previous one being X Men First Class. The only complaint I had about XMFC was the lack of consistency between the Bryan Singer version and the versions all through. However, there was no such worry in L4yer Cake for certain. Matthew Vaughn makes his debut in Hollywood in 2004 with L4yer Cake. An exceptionally strong movie to start one’s career with for certain. Guess it merits giving his other 2 movies – Startdust and Kick Ass – due consideration.

Based on a JJ Connolly novel of the same name, L4yer Cake tracks the life of an un-named drug dealer, called XXXX (Daniel Craig) in the credits who decides to call it quits but is convinced to run a couple of more jobs by his supplier Jimmy Price (Kenneth Cranham). X doesn’t quite like the idea but is pushed to accept the assignment. As if it wasn’t bad enough. His last deal with an extremely shady character called Duke (Jamie Foreman) goes woefully wrong. Duke is trying to palm off a million ecstacy tablets to X. The trouble is that these tablets have been stolen from Serbian war criminals led by a guy called Slavo (Marcel Iureş).

L4yer Cake offers just the right heady mixture for a thriller that takes Guy Richiesque proportions. Its pacy and with barely any drops in excitement levels, makes for a wonderful watch any day of the week. The only complaint one may have is that Sienna Miller isn’t shown enough during the movie. There is enough of action though to compensate for the lack of any women in the movie. Be prepared for edge of the seat British action. 7 on 10 for this one.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2510946585/

Gandhi To Hitler

Gandhi to Hitler is a movie that seems to have been made purely on a whim of the director / producer whose sole intent seems to have been to strike this off their bucket list. The line item would have said – “Must make movie which has Hitler and Gandhi in the title”. So technically since these 2 names are in the title, it would mean mission accomplished. That it has very little or almost nothing to do with Gandhi and loads to do with Hitler is a mere coincidence. In fact, the movie has more to do with Subhash Chandra Bose that with the father of the nation – and I am reminded of Alanis Morisette “Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think”?
Very rarely does one come across a movie that is as disjointed or aimless as Gandhi to Hitler. The premise of the movie is a few letters that Gandhi (Avijit Dutt) had written to the Fuhrer (Raghuvir Yadav) from 1939 to 1945 (with several chronological errors shown during the movie). However, in fact, the movie centres only around Hitler’s last days in his bunker facing imminent loss in World War II. It shows the degeneration of Adolf Hitler from a position of supreme command and one of immense power / respect / fear to that of a hyperactive, powerless, dimunitive and helpless man whose only support system is his mistress of several years – Eva Braun (Neha Dhupia). It shows how his closest aides and associates of the likes of Himmler, who desert him in the last days of the war thanks to the Fuhrer’s inability to accept defeat even when it is staring at him in the face. All these events lead to his alleged suicide because he would rather die than fall into the hands of the allied forces and be subject to humiliation. A story that most of us are familiar with if we paid any attention to history in school.

What gets to you is the complete disregard to any concept of movie making that is present in the world. As mentioned earlier, the first word that comes to mind is “Disjointed”. The movie wanders aimlessly and through the 2 hours subjects you to 3 severely confusing storylines none of which are done any justice to. Rakesh Ranjan Kumar is a first time director – a very fashionable concept of late – who flatters to deceive. Most disappointing is the worst performance ever delivered to date by most of the star cast led by Raghuvir Yadav who does nothing but make a mockery of himself. Neha Dhupia who showed signs of acting with Phas Gaye Re Obama comes crashing down like a lead ball and is back to square one. The only other person who had a reasonable role was Aman Verma in the role of a soldier in the Indian National Army who is leading a bunch of soldiers back home. Not one performance from the lead or the supporting cast is memorable even for a few seconds after you walk out of the hall.

Don’t waste your time or money even on a DVD unless you have way too much of either and more importantly unless u are a sucker for boring and bad movies who claim to be arty cinema but are basically a sham. 2 on 10 for this one. And I do think I am being really nice about it.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Suw_gDL1tdc

Leap Year

Heard about Leap Year quite a while back and missed it when it hit the screens last year sometime I guess. But the fact that it had Amy Adams in it was sufficient for me to feel really bad about missing it the first time. And therefore the HBO premiere wasn’t to be missed for certain. I knew it was just a standard Romantic Comedy and was not expecting anything better. But then Amy Adams is Amy Adams and was a sufficient driving force to be glued to the TV for the 9 pm prime time telecast. Unfortunately it was an insipid 90 odd minutes in front of the screen and turned out to be quite disappointing eventually.

There was nothing terribly wrong with Leap Year actually. It was reasonably well made but nothing that you have never seen before. The usual questions about “what would you take with you if your house was burning down and you had only 60 seconds to take whatever you wanted”. It is an old way to get across the message of true love – but in a new movie. It is a question that has dogged a whole lot of us over the ages and which most of us are familiar with the answer to as well.

Girl and guy are apparently well and truly in love. Girl i.e. Anna Brady (Amy Adams) who is in a very unique profession of getting houses ready for sale / lease and guy Jeremy (Adam Scott) who is a cardiologist. They have been seeing each other for 4 years now but the dimwit hasn’t popped the question yet. So Madam Brady is being tested for her patience for certain. She is hoping that Jeremy will pop the question tonight but instead he gives her super expensive “Ear” rings instead. Ha ha. And then after all of it, he runs off to Ireland to attend some cardiologist meet. A frustrated Anna is surfing the net and surprise surprise – there is a weird custom in Ireland that allows a girl to propose marriage to a man on the 29th February in a Leap Year. And so madam decides to pack her Louis Vuitton suitcase and takes off to Ireland but standing in her way are a huge storm that has stopped all flights and Declan O’Callaghan (Matthew Goode) a gorgeous Irish man who runs a pub and is nursing a broken heart. The rest of the story is obviously very predictable frame by frame and therefore quite boring.

Director Anand Tucker (fancy name at that) does a reasonable job with Leap Year but the story is too darn predictable for him to really make much of a difference. Having said that, he is not the hottest property in Hollywood for certain even if he builds a niche for himself in “predictable” RomComs. Amy Adams rocks as always and this time around it is the guys who provide the eye candy. This one is a chick flick in the true sense of the word and should be watched either on DVD or on HBO when u really have nothing else to do with your lives 5 on 10 from my side.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi2052654361/

Bubble Gum

It is very rarely that one comes across a weekend where there is absolutely no movie that was really great. My weekend started with Smurfs which was OK followed by Khap and Gandhi to Hitler which were both quite bad. @ noon on Sunday, a casual look at the PVR listings and I was glad that I woke up on time to see Bubble Gum – glad because I would have missed it and that would have meant one review lesser on the blog *sigh*. So it had to be the 1410 hrs show of Bubble Gum to kick start Sunday for me followed by the creepy Cowboys & Aliens which I wasn’t too optimistic about. The trailer of Bubble Gum and its posters scream out, “Its hard to be 14”. Seemed interesting. And I was hoping to get 4th time lucky as well considering that there were 1 average movie and 2 bad movies done and other than Bubble Gum there was 1 expectedly average movie to come up. I wasn’t about to be disappointed – thankfully.

Bubble Gum traces the story of a bunch of kids who are predictably – around 14 years old. Jamshedpur seems to be the flavor of the decade with quite a few movies in the recent past based out of the steel city – the more popular one being the Rajat Barmecha starrer Udaan. Nevertheless, Vidur (Sohail Lakhani) and Vedant Rawat (Delzad Sanjay Hiwale) are the sons of Sudha (Tanvi Azmi) and Mukund Rawat (Sachin Khedekar). Vidur, the elder one @ 16 I would guess, is a deaf mute and stays in a hostel. Vedant is the pesky and irritable 14 year old who believes that his parents are partial to his elder brother and hates the situation that he is in. There is a continuous comparison on how everything is oriented only around Vidur and no attention is paid to him. The frustrations of an average 14 year old actually. And to make matters worse Vedant falls in love – puppy love – the worst of its kind. The kind that leaves indelible scars on anyone who has been through it. The kind that at times haunts you for the rest of your life and leaves you incapable of falling in love again :D:D:D:D. And the girl is Jenny aka Cookie (Apoorva Arora), the daughter of the local commissioner of police. In between all of this is our 14 year old villain – Ratan (Suraj Singh) who also has a big thing for Jenny.

Bubble Gum tracks the emotions that go through a 14 year old in all of the situations described above. It talks about how parents should learn to let go and not be too protective about their children, about how people who we consider to be disabled may actually be far superior to us in many a way and about how at the end of the day the people who stand by us are invariably family amongst other messages. The movie is well made and reminds you of both Udaan and Do Dooni Chaar. However, it does have a strong star cast missing. Tanvi Azmi and Sachin Khedekar are as always solid and continue to be under-rated. The kids turn in a decent performance but turn out robotic many a time and therefore give the movie a feel that is not quite natural. But full marks to the overall story and treatment. Full justice given to the subject matter. Could have done with a few cuts and better music. Definitely watchable and entertaining. 6 on 10.

Watch the trailer at http://www.top10bollywood.com/2011/07/bubble-gum-trailer.html

Cowboys & Aliens

It may seem like ages that we have seen Harrison Ford on screen but when you look at his filmography, there are 10 movies starring what Hollywood has described as, “The Most Bankable Star” which have released including What Lies Beneath in 2000. And there have been only 3 years where a movie has not been released. Now lets look at this gentleman called Daniel Craig for whom it has definitely been the first release since Defiance since 2008. But, he has 4 movies already signed up, 3 of which are in post production and due to release this year – Dream House, Adventures of Tintin and Girl with a Dragon Tatoo – all of which are supposedly solid movies. And if they were not sufficient, Bond 23 is due to release next year. Lastly there is Jon Favreau who is not really the best director in the world but did quite a good job with Iron Man 1 and 2. More importantly, he also has his acting to fall back on. Why then would three people who are reasonably well off sign up for a movie called “Cowboys and Aliens” which has absolutely nothing different to offer in their lives. We are talking about Indiana Jones, James Bond and Iron Man who I am certain can offer and have offered enough and more thrills to Ford, Craig and Favreau respectively – so doing something different is crossed out. And then there is the question of money which the world is quite certain these 3 do not have any less of. So the only conspiracy theory which would hold good are the existence of some photographs in certain compromising positions which involve our 3 stars. I cannot find any other explanation for their presence in this movie.

I am actually struggling a lot to complete this review because I really don’t have much to say. And it is definitely not because of writers block. There is definitely nothing new in Cowboys and Aliens that you have not seen in any other Alien movie. In fact most other movies offer much more. The movie is littered with really bad screenplay and very average direction at best – probably the makers really did not pay Favreau enough. Ford and Craig keep the movie at a reasonable level and full credit to their acting talent. Without them the entire experience would have been really crappy to say the least.

One would see a few “flying machines” in 19th Century USA (when flying was unheard of) whose only business is to run sorties over the topography picking up unsuspecting villagers for research. You would also be privy to some well done special effects which are the only high points of this movie. And yes, the aliens look a bit different. They continue to be ugly and have retractable hands around their hearts – I mean other than 4 appendages that they are normally provided with. Net Net, nothing you haven’t seen before or would miss if you don’t see this one. 4 on 10 is what I would give this at best.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi161586201/