Half Girlfriend (2017) (Hindi)

So if you haven’t seen Fitoor Mishra's CommentArré on the Half Girlfriend Trailer then believe me, the 2 minute narration by this man is definitely better than the 2+ hours of Half Girlfriend – Damn I have to stop stating the obvious.  Have a dekko at the Fitoor Mishra CommentArré first https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMLg6s68HIc.  And for those who aren’t familiar, Shuturmurg = Ostrich.

For those who haven’t read the book (and I haven’t on principle), Half Girlfriend tracks the story of Madhav Jha (Arjun Kapoor) who comes from a village in Bihar called Simrao.  More a town considering that it has its own railway station which is long enough for a person to run on and complete a speech at the same time – what stamina!!!! Or should I say what a station!!!! Kharagpur – eat this!!!

The Sultan of Simrao (apparently he is a big shot there) moves to the Dally Vich to study at St. Stephen’s.  Our hero cannot speak the language of the Queen and the panelist – coincidentally – cannot speak our National Language.  I am sure Stephenians can vouch for how far flung their institute is from reality – no?

Nevertheless, thanks to basketball quota and a speech that is intended to inspire but falls flat, Jha ji finds himself at the court.  On display is a girl who would be noticed more for the fact that she is wearing a sports bra, a singlet and hot pants. The rest of the team obviously plays for Stephen’s.  How do I know? They were wearing the Stephen’s jerseys man.

The basketball hottie is Ria Somani (Shraddha Kapoor) who travels around the place in a Rolls Royce (not kidding).  Our hero, who is in 2 minds (to hell with Stephen’s, I am heading back to Simrao), finds his purpose.  Madam likes him but doesn’t want to commit the whole nine yards.  Some weird arrangement of meeting halfway and therefore half girlfriend is struck.

The rest of the movie is an absolute blur.  A hotch potch of all possible mad in love stories that shuttles between the capital, Patna, Simrao and of course New York.  A morphed Bill Gates is put in because he has no better purpose in life but to donate a crore (150K in today’s valuation) to build toilets for girls because that’s the primary reason why girls don’t go to school – Die Suresh Kalmadi!!!! Die out of shame!!! A crore for building 3 toilets for girls!!!

Names such as Kevin Durant, LeBron James and Stephen Curry are thrown about at will.  Tube top Skirts and high heels are standard attire at Stephens for a 19 year old girl when she isn’t playing basketball.  Of course, the sure test for finding out if a girl is committed or not is if she comes with you to your hostel room.  The armed guards at India Gate are asleep most of the time and you can easily make your way to the top of the gate.  Just some of the things Half Girlfriend teaches us.

Vikrant Massey’s first half performance kept aside, Half Girlfriend just doesn’t make the cut.  Half-baked kisses between the protagonists.  Dialogue that is half thought out – or probably not thought out at all.  Actors that don’t even begin to act – including the great Seema Biswas.  This one was a complete waste of time. 2 on 10.

Watch the actual trailer on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmlBnmyelHI