Rajdhani Express

There is nothing much that director Ashok Kohli can look forward to after his debut in Bollywood. Maybe he needs to destroy all evidence of being associated with a movie titled Rajdhani Express (RE) and the cast and crew associated with it. But the cast and crew will be less of a worry. They would have died of shame anyways after watching themselves.

Hence my hypothesis that the people associated with this disaster of a start for 2013 for Bollywood have not seen their own handiwork. There should be a rule in Bollywood or some contact with the censor board that prevents such jokes on cinema from being released at the beginning of a calendar year or any auspicious day. There should in fact be a censor board arm that prevents release of such disasters.

The movie begins with our ace tennis star who has done his image and future no good by being part of this venture. He starts with a guttural laughter that is intended to create fear. I assume that because he is shown with his hands and legs tied up to a chair. But what he doesn’t know that the audience is laughing at him at the end of the day. In the same guttural way that he attempted to laugh.

Turns out he is Keshav (Paes) works for a local small time Don in the capital city called Bhaijee (Kiran Kumar). Now Bhaijee’s daughter Reena (Sayali Bhagat) and our man have a love hate relationship. They grew up together. He was the domestic under age help. She was the rich man’s daughter. And from then on the divide has been obvious. So when Bhaijee finds out about the hanky panky under his nose, he ostracizes Keshav and sets him up to be caught in the Rajdhani Express carrying ammo.

If by now, you are not tearing your hair apart, then you definitely will, when u see Keshav’s Ist AC Co-Passengers. Banerjee (Priyanshu Chatterjee) who is a Bollywood screen writer. Munish (Sudanshu Pandey) who is a fashion designer. Sunita (Pooja Bose) who is a Bollywood Item girl.

Attempting to add spice to this lousy curry is Deputy Commissioner Yadav (Jimmy Shergill) who must be regretting the day he signed this deal. And there is Shilpa Shukla who plays a Sub Inspector with her right hand in her pocket at all times looking grumpy as ever – I am sure because Kohli asked her to put her hand in her pocket and she didn’t.

She also had reason enough because Kohli asked her to mouth what will be the dialogue of the year, "Loyalty se behter sincerity hai. Loyalty is for dogs. Sincerity is for human beings". Please Please Please tell me you have pulled all your hair out by now. If not, please get a medical mental check-up lined up ASAP.

RE is the kind of movie that will actually make you tear your hair apart in agony. It may even send you on a witch hunt for Kohli because the cast has otherwise given reasonable performances to date. The only difference this time is a Kohli (maybe bad times for the entire clan). There is an absence of everything that goes into a movie. So adding to the list that has 2 movies to date on my blog, we have a 0 on 10 to begin 2013 with.

Trailer on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-rXXW7fBtM