Ready

Before you go to watch Ready, please follow the steps as under
1. Open Skull
2. Carefully pull out brain – make sure you don’t damage anything else the purpose of saving the brain from trauma would be defeated.
3. Now, place brain in a bowl of ice cold water and leave it in freezer for the next few hours
Now that you have no sense of pain or pleasure or excitement or humour, you are in the perfect situation to watch one of the most brainless pieces of work that Bollywood could have given to you. This one takes the cake and makes David Dhawan look like an Oscar winning director. This freak of nature has taken slapstick and cheap comedy to a completely different level. And what is shocking is that the audiences are loving it and lapping it up. Every single piece of crap that is dished out from his table seems to be going so well with the audiences that his sense of false self belief is getting bloated beyond recognition and repair. And no we aren’t talking about Salman Khan who was probably the only saving grace in Ready other than Paresh Rawal. We are talking about this phenomenon (what else can you call him) called Anees Bazmee!!!! Its truly ridiculous that someone like Bazmee can get away with all the bull shit that he dishes out. But as I said – the audiences are loving it to say the least :’(:’(:’(:’( Other than the 4 of us who had braved the Saturday rains in Mumbai to watch the 2250 show (and I was doing this after watching 5 decent movies before), everyone else seemed to be having a stupendous time. Maybe they followed my instructions to the T and were informed earlier by someone else.

Prem (Salman Khan – for the nth time being called Prem) is a Chartered Accountant (can you believe that!!!!). But wait… there has to be a twist right. He is based in Bangkok – wonder whose accounts he was balancing there??? He is the sole heir to millions (of Bahts I am assuming) owned by his father Ram (Mahesh Manjrekar) and his uncles Laxman (Manoj Pahwa) and Bharat (Manoj Joshi). But the families have given up on him per se thanks to his mischevious ways. His favourite pastime is to get single girls hitched with the guys of their dreams – especially if the single girls are hot and happen to be the neighbour’s daughter – AAAARGH!!!!! But the folks finally manage to get him to consider a girl recommended by the family Baba. A chick coming in from the US. And heres is where the 2nd and ultimate twist happens of a girl exchange. Instead of a certain Pooja who no one in the family but the Baba has seen, Sanjana (Asin) lands up taking her place. Chaos and of course love happens soon enough. And yes… a tuk tuck chase is thrown in as garnish

None of my closing comments will save you from the torture that you will go through. Although I don’t owe any apologies to Sheena, Hersh and Vivek because they willingly accepted the proposition of going through this mindless piece of crap, I believe I still will apologize to them because I came up with the idea. What prevented me from watching Hangover 2 I will never know – wait of course I know – the 3 of them had already seen it :’(:’(:’(. The positives however include some foot tapping music and some extremely cocky dialogue delivery from Salman. For e.g. “Is duniya mein 3 cheezon ko kabhi underestimate mat karna – I, Me and Myself” (For the non educated in Hindi – Never underestimate 3 things in life – I, Me and Myself!!!) AAARGH ^ infinity. 2 on 10 for the above 2 points and some decent comic timing in patches from Paresh Rawal (more out of respect).

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACvDgKuTxnA

Thank You

He should probably thank his stars that he has a reasonable fan following in this country – enough and more morons who will walk into an AK movie just because its an AK movie. But that’s what we do to stars. Glorify them. Make temples for them. But even the extreme madness that this country has for Bollywood will not be able to save AK this time around. His acting talent or screen presence or whatever you want to call it has definitely reached it’s Nadir. AK – you cannot get worse than this. If you look at it positively, anywhere you go to from here will only be better. Or touch base quickly with Mannapuram Gold Loan – I am sure they will extend your contract for another year or so. I am quite certain that Akshay Kumar’s career with a major cinema house has ended successfully. For any future releases, he will have to trust his own funds or maybe depend on some rich relatives. Maybe Thank You was a test run – partially produced by Twinkle Khanna as per credits.

Thank You is a movie made in extreme bad taste. It once again endorses the concept of a cheating husband and in fact goes one step further by glorifying him. But then again, I guess there are enough and more women in this world who do not mind going back to husbands who have cheated on them. So why not capitalize on the movement (in a manner of speaking). The characters of… or should I say characterless – Raj (Bobby Deol), Yogi (Suniel Shetty) and Vikram (Irrfan Khan) run a business of selling yachts. And if one can describe the word “Tharki” (sex maniac), they would be the ideal examples. The epitomes. Raj’s wife Sanjana (Sonam Kapoor) believes in blind faith and obviously the husband takes as much advantage of that as possible. The other two are married to Maya (Celina Jaitley) and Shivani (Rimi Sen). Maya has already caught Yogi cheating on her and is getting back at him by treating him like a slave – which doesn’t seem to matter much to Yogi as such. And Vikram dominates Shivani as if there is no tomorrow. Things are about to get nasty for the promiscuous trio though thanks to the entry of Kishan (Akshay Kumar) who was responsible for Yogi getting caught.

If you liked the senselessness of the likes of No Entry and No Problem which seem to be reflective of Anees Bazmee’s favourite topic – cheating husbands – then Thank You is exactly the kind of movie that you would like to watch. If you are the more sensible kinds who believes in the concept of true cinema then please do not waste your money on this work that doesn’t have any semblance of direction, acting, screenplay, cinematography, editing and any of the other departments that are required to make a movie. The only one that continues to be worse than this is that sob story that spent a decade in a canister called Milenge Milenge. Thank You comes really close to being a case study at any Film Institute about what a movie should not be. I do wonder what people like Irrfan Khan were doing in this movie. And was definitely disappointed at how Sonam Kapoor crash landed from a curve that was showing signs of going North. As of now her stock has gone south. Maybe she should put the A back in her name. It may just about help. The rest of the cast has anyways not been worth mentioning and will not be. The miracle of course was the Rimi Sen did not speak in Bengali in this movie. The 1 additional point in the score for the movie comes for that and the fact that there are a couple of tracks that are definitely going to be doing their rounds in discos across the country. 2 on 10.

Watch the trailer on http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi226729241/