Noor (Hindi) (2017)

A mic was thrust upon my face by a couple of rank rookies – much like Noor, in the movie – who were obviously asked to survey people who had watched the first day first show of Noor.  It was a first for me and I was caught off guard and all I could muster is, “Theek Thha”.  Eh? Your 15 seconds of fame and all you could do was say “Theek Thha”???

All is Well (2015) (Hindi)

I have started writing this review a little after the interval of All Is Well. It will definitely be one of the corniest lines I have ever written in over 5 years of reviewing but I am at a loss of words as of now. All is definitely not well. There. I have said it.

Kingsman: The Secret Service

I love Matthew Vaughn movies – Layer Cake, Stardust, Kick Ass, X Men – First Class and now Kingsman Secret Service.  I have seen them all and I have realy loved watching each and every one of them.  And therefore this review may just be a tad biased towards one of my favourite directors from Hollywood.

Mortdecai

Kyril Bonfiglioli was an English art-dealer, actor, science fiction editor, champion swordsman, and comic novelist. He is the author of what is apparently a famous series with a lead character called Charlie Mortdecai (Johnny Depp) was supposedly eccentric and witty.  The novels that attained cult status were loaded with dry satire and black humour – Wikipedia.

Dolly Ki Doli

It is always pleasantly surprising to walk into a movie that you didn’t expect to be even remotely watchable and it turns out to be just that a little better for you to walk out satisfied.  Although I will not allow it to affect my overall rating, DOLLY KI DOLI, falls into this category and was a good start to my Thursday.

Paddington

The first kiddie movie of 2015 is here and it draws itself from a 1997 series of children’s books called “The Adventures of Paddington Bear”.  It was probably only a matter of time before the little bear from Darkest Peru found its way to the silver screen.

Sharafat Gayi Tel Lene

The biggest challenge in watching Sharafat Gayi Tel Lene begins from frame one. That challenge goes by the name of Zayed Khan - the second worst actor in the world (the worst would be Fardeen Khan). Thankfully the trailers prepare you for this challenge and it doesn't come as an unpleasant surprise. Thank God for small mercies.

Crazy Cukkad Family

Ritesh Menon's debut full length feature film is about the super eccentric Beri family. The patriarch Shri Beri (Yusuf Hussain) doesn't have much of an opinion about his children. Not that they have done anything noteworthy but Shri Beri doesn't leave any stone unturned when it comes to rubbing their face onto the ground. He uses the choicest of sardonic language available at his disposal to make them feel like scum of the earth.

Sulemani Keeda

The normal world would probably watch this one just out of curiosity.  A name like Sulemani Keeda will of course attract enough eyeballs.  Those who cannot control their curiosity would be subject to some reasonable fare.  Sulemani Keeda in one word is “quirky”.  Not path breaking cinema in any form but quirky.

Action Jackson (2014) (Hindi)

There is a point in time towards the end of Action Jackson (we shall call it AJ here on forth) where Khushi (Sonakshi Sinha) apologises to Jay (Ajay Devgn) for a misunderstanding and tells him that she misses Vishy (Ajay Devgn). The movie instantly cuts to “Chichhora Piya”.

It was at this time that a section of the audience at the preview show broke into a loud laugh.  The pent up frustration over nearly 2 hours had exploded.  The rest of the 30 minutes was a breeze in comparison to the excruciating pain that Prabhu Deva and his writers (Shiraz Ahmed & A C Mughil) had put us through.

It took 2 hours for the audience to actually realize that the intent was to make a comedy and not an action movie.  We were all idiots to have expected something different.  We had expected India’s Michael Jackson to deliver an all-out quality action flick.  How could we have done that?

We had experienced Ramaiyya Vastavaiya and R… Rajkumar last year right? So we were the guilty party here. So the secret to sustain Action Jackson and most of all a certain Musa (Kunaal Roy Kapur) is to just laugh at everything that comes up on screen.

It is of course funny to see Sev Puris being carried by Musa on a bike in a manner that the Puris fly towards the biker that’s following.  Not surprising at all that the biker is from Gemini Circus and manages to land each one of them right into his mouth.  He of course asks for water after all of it.

It is of course hilarious to watch Ajay Devgn dance (or should we say attempt to dance).  It is of course comic to see goons dressed in shoddy red suits getting thrashed and of course quartered.  The quartering is thanks to the Samurai sword that is hugely successful in making a clean cut across AJ’s suit but of course doesn’t nick him one bit in the process.

If that doesn’t make you laugh your guts off (and mind you I am being extremely sarcastic – lest someone takes me seriously) then the point where Marina (Manasvi Mamgai) has just skewered Musa (Thank God for that!!! – makes you love Marina).  She leans over into his ear and says, “Where is AJ.  I miss him.  It has been months”!!!!

There are of course shady dialogues like “Singham se Chingam bana diya”.  But the piece de resistance has to be when AJ and Don Xavier (Anand Raj) come face to face in profile with Pink Floyd’s cover as a precursor.  Exceptional Prabudeva sir!!! Sensational indeed!!! What creativity!!!

The saving grace for AJ are a couple of shots during the action sequences (something that used to be Prabhudeva’s forte but apparently it has deserted him).  There is of course Himes Bhai’s music that is foot tapping and hummable as always.  Will be played at discos for a while.  2 on 10 only for these 2 points.

Watch the trailer at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YubQzbzGHps

The Shaukeens (2014)

Towards the end of The Shaukeens, there is a scene wherein Ahana (Lisa Haydon) has landed a plump role in an Akshay Kumar movie and is struggling with that evergreen dialogue, “Mein Tere bachche ki maa ban ne waali hoon”.  It is supposed to be a scene wherein she is acting in a manner that she doesn’t know how to act.  Little did she realize that it came naturally to her.

Ekkees Topon Ki Salaami

While my first movie of the day (Tamanchey) had very little even remotely good, my 2^nd one yesterday was almost the opposite.  I say almost because like a lot of cinema these days, it had a lot going for it but the finishing was just not there.  It left me with mixed feelings but definitely more good than bad.

Bobby Jasoos

It has been nearly 3 weeks since my last review.  For reasons that aren't the most pleasant and therefore will not be delved into.  But apparently I haven't missed much in Bollywood during my hiatus. Sajid Khan gave ACP Pradyumn and Daya their simplest case and Ritiesh Deshmukh played villain (I'm catching up with that next).

F*UGLY

Apparently F*UGLY stands for Fucking Ugly (http://www.internetslang.com/FUGLY-meaning-definition.asp).  A word that is referred to all of 1 time in the duration of Kabir Sadanand’s latest.  His previous attempts at cinema include movies such as Tum Milo Toh Sahi, Popcorn Khao Mast Ho Jao and Golu Pappu.  Sadly the reduction in words has not helped Sadanand.

Filmistaan

There is a scene towards the end of Filmistaan in which Sunny (Sharib Hashmi) tells Aftaab (Innamulhaq) about a dream that even I have had on many an occasion.  What if partition had never occured. “Sachin Tendulkar, M S Dhoni, Inzaman Ul Haq aur Shahid Afridi sab ek team mein. Mehndi Hassan, Ghulam Ali, Abida Parveen, Nusrat Saab – sab ek hi mitti ke toh bane hain”.

Kuku Mathur Ki Jhand Ho Gayi

Kuku Mathur Ki Jhand Ho Gayi (KMKJHG) is a movie that is definitely made from the heart but will at best find itself as a complicated 6 word clue in a random Dumb Charades round of an even more random Inter Collegiate Festival.  It is way too simple a story and needed to be packaged too well for it to be a success.

Dekh Tamasha Dekh

About 2-3 minutes into Feroze Abbas Khan’s second venture into Bollywood your reaction would be, “This doesn’t seem like a movie at all”.  For those unaware, FAK is a much more well known for his exploits in the theatre circuit.  It seems like the baggage from theatre has been carried over to Dekh Tamasha Dekh not just in terms of narration but more obviously in terms of cast.

Bhoothnath Returns

Nitesh Tiwari enthralled us with Chillar Party a few years back – a movie that I had described as a must watch because of the message it tried to give and because it was entertaining (don’t forget the Chaddi March which was hilarious!!!).  This time around, his movie is packaged as a kids entertainer but it is actually meant for all of you out there who are above 18.  It is a must watch.

Main Tera Hero

And he is back!!!! About a year after his biggest disaster in which he made a hash out of a wonderful Sai Paranjpe classic, he is back to being his old self. One that the sly old fella spoilt us with in the late 90s and early 2000s – usually with a certain Govind Ahuja in the lead.

O Teri

A CBI Assistant Commissioner who hasn't been given a car by his employees is ambling around on a desolate Delhi street in the middle of the night. It is coincidental that he is leading an investigation involving some leading government officials.