Happy New Year (2014) (Hindi)

Recipe for a successful Farah Khan Movie

Shirin Farhad Ki Toh Nikal Padi

I love Boman Irani. As does most of the country I am certain. And I also like Farah Khan for the movies that she makes. Except the last one which bombed miserably and I must say was really baaaad. But I hadn’t quite expected that the bad luck and loss of talent in direction would rub off on the sheer confidence that is required on screen. What is worse is that it seems to be contagious as well. And that it has rubbed off so badly on Boman Irani that he seems to have forgotten how to act.

Never – and I seriously mean NEVER – have I seen Boman Irani so much at sea with a concept that is like second skin to him. Even when he was playing really weird characters like the principal in Main Hoon Na, Boman has always regaled us with his comfort on screen and commitment to the role. But I guess with SFKTNP he has been successfully downgraded to the level of a bad actor. A below par Boman still overshadows the lowly mortals around him as the 45 year old Parsee Underwear salesman who doesn’t seem to be able to find a suitable match – Farhad Pastakia

And one of them is the latest presenter of movies in the style of a documentary – Farah Khan. All through SFKTNP you cannot help but feel sorry for the moments that the audience has to look at her constipated expressions. Even news readers present with so much more passion. I am sure Bela Bhansali Sehgal was high on some really potent stuff when she decided to cast her in the role of the middle aged woman who has chosen to stay single because her father is in a coma – Shirin Fuggawala.

Shirin and Farhad meet when Shirin walks into the store where Farhad is the salesman to buy a bra. Over the next few days, the two of them bump into each other several times and love (read louv) happens. But the Fuggawala – Pastakia union is fraught with risk from day one. Simply put because of the fact that Shirin has successfully managed to get Mrs. Pastakia (Daisy Irani) really upset by removing the illegal water tank that was build by Mr. Pastakia before he passed – The last memory that they have of Farhad’s father.

What could have been a really sweet love story turns out to be a weak attempt at entertainment with several corny one liners and some really bad jokes thrown in as garnish. It was as if Bela was trying to say, “You thought my direction was bad? Look at the screenplay. Its worse”. But definitely not worse than Farah Khan on the other side of the camera. That has to take the cake this time around. The insipid music doesn’t do much to help things either. 3 on 10 for a movie that has proven once again that our critics are bought out straight through.

Watch the trailer on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJq9nU1FFpc

Tees Maar Khan

I have always been a Farah Khan fan.  I loved Main Hoon Na and Om Shanti Om.  The latter in fact is still one of my all time favourites – strictly from a perspective of providing wholesome entertainment. What I like about Farah is that she doesn’t make any bones about each one of her movies being “different”. She is quite cut and dry. So, when Tees Maar Khan was announced a while back, I was quite excited despite the controversy that surrounded it.  Most pundits challenged the mother of triplets when she decided to go ahead with Akshay instead of Shah Rukh as the lead for her latest venture.  In hind sight, which is a virtue all of us have, Shah Rukh probably could not have pulled of the role.  It demanded someone with a better sense of comic timing and therefore clearly cut out for someone like Akshay Kumar.  However, Mrs. Kunder would now have realized the importance of a good luck charm. TMK flatters to deceive.  A disappointment spread over a little more than 2 hours.

Tabrez Mirza a.k.a. Tees Maar Khan (Akshay Kumar) started very early in his life as a con artiste.  His mother (Apara Mehta) would watch age old Chor Police (Cops and Robbers) movies that would invariably have the Chor (Robber) in the lead role.  In a manner of speaking, Tabrez was – Well Inducted.  And he starts off by pinching the docs watch and nurse’s chain as soon as he pops out. And no points for guessing that he eventually grows up to reach the “Most Wanted” list not only @ home but also by large organizations such as the Interpol. He has been caught 11 times to date and has escaped 24 times – don’t ask me how the math works here – and before the end of the movie also manages to escape two more times. As he proudly proclaims, “Tawaif ki Lut ti hui izzat ko bachana aur TMK ko Qaid karna – dono hi bekaar hai” (It’s a waste of time to save a harlot’s honour or to imprison TMK).

The world famous Johri Brothers (Raghu Ram) are a pair of identical conjoint twins who are leaders in their own field of work – Smuggling of Antiques.  They have just been relieved of 10000 kgs of Antiques worth Rs.500 crores (Rs.5 billion / $110 million).  The cops have not been able to capture them and are therefore convinced that they would attempt to get back what they believe is rightfully theirs. However, there are only 3 people in the world who can pull of a stunt of stealing that amount of valuables from a moving train.  2 of them are safely behind bars.  The third is obviously our hero.

Farah Khan tries to stick to what she is good at.  A movie that is primarily a comedy peppered with action sequences that are sufficient to keep people excited.  However, this time she kind of comes a cropper post the declaration of, “Is mission mein hum kamyaab honge ya nahin dekhenge after Intermission” (We will see if we are going to succeed in our mission after the Intermission).  Kind of corny and seems forced.  Things build up quite well in the first half and then somewhere the movie loses steam and becomes kind of repetitive.  Maybe it was time for her to actually do something “different”. Just when one thinks that Akshay Kumar is making a comeback he peters of like a deflated balloon back to where he has been over the past 2 years. Forced effort and complete lack of comic timing.  Much better in parts but overall no improvement whatsoever.  TMKs sidekicks are played by Vijay Maurya, Dharampal and Ashish Asgar who seem to have better comic timing that AK. 

And they definitely have much more screen presence than Katrina Kaif who is totally stunning furniture with barely any role to write home about. The only saving grace for her is the absolutely amazing, “Sheela Ki Jawani” (Sheila’s Killer Youth as the subtitles in the Aussie version proclaimed – I definitely have an opportunity to be a subtitler coz they were absolutely atrocious in parts and extremely funny).  The music is very good – a combination of songs by Vishal Shekhar and background by the husband Kunder.  The choreography is also extremely well done.  Full points for Farah Khan there for making Kats dance like the way she has.  Someone finally taught her some serious jhatkas!!! Overall, a decent entertainer for the family on Christmas weekend.  But don’t go with too much of hope.  I give it 4 on 10 in the festive spirit and my liking for Farah Khan as a director.  Watch at own risk.