Prem Ratan Dhan Payo

It has been nearly 2 months since I put the proverbial pen to paper.  I have watched movies in the interim – they are like the air that I breathe – but a combination of writer’s block and just plain lethargy prevented me from writing.  Not that cinema of the likes of Pyar Ka Punchnama 2 or for that matter Shandaar didn’t inspire me to overcome the lethargy.

Fifty Shades of Grey

The trailer on imdb (http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi2636688921/?ref_=tt_ov_vi) very proudly proclaims

1. Books Sold – 100 million
2. Trailer Views – 250 million
3. Fantasies Provoked – Countless
4. Are You Curious?

Mortdecai

Kyril Bonfiglioli was an English art-dealer, actor, science fiction editor, champion swordsman, and comic novelist. He is the author of what is apparently a famous series with a lead character called Charlie Mortdecai (Johnny Depp) was supposedly eccentric and witty.  The novels that attained cult status were loaded with dry satire and black humour – Wikipedia.

Dolly Ki Doli

It is always pleasantly surprising to walk into a movie that you didn’t expect to be even remotely watchable and it turns out to be just that a little better for you to walk out satisfied.  Although I will not allow it to affect my overall rating, DOLLY KI DOLI, falls into this category and was a good start to my Thursday.

Crazy Cukkad Family

Ritesh Menon's debut full length feature film is about the super eccentric Beri family. The patriarch Shri Beri (Yusuf Hussain) doesn't have much of an opinion about his children. Not that they have done anything noteworthy but Shri Beri doesn't leave any stone unturned when it comes to rubbing their face onto the ground. He uses the choicest of sardonic language available at his disposal to make them feel like scum of the earth.

I (Tamil) (2015)

To the average Bollywood movie goer, the passion and crowd support associated with Tamil cinema will be alien to say the least.  How can one explain a sell-out crowd for the 1030 am show at PVR Mulund of all places? Us “Madrasi” fellows follow cinema and our heroes with a passion that only Bhai’s followers can think of matching and even they will fall short because Bhai has a following in Chennai which is higher than Mumbai.

Nevertheless, larger than life director Shankar’s latest Pongal venture is titled “I”.  Why? For that you will have to sustain 3 hrs and 10 minutes of Madras Mirch Masala which the average Bollywood fan may compare to climbing Mt. Everest.  Imagine the plight of us amateur critics who believe that they know enough about cinema to write about it.

I is the story of Lingesan (Chiyaan Vikram) who is a body builder.  He is enamoured by a certain model called Diya (Amy Jackson) who, surprisingly makes a ton of money out of modelling assignments.  Not that she is an actress and endorses products.  She is just a pretty face with a hot bod who has Softy Ice-cream, Bru, Stayfree and Nature Power Soap as some of the brands in her portfolio.

Lingesan is all but in love with Diya and even buys all the products she models for – yes, including Stayfree.  When our hero wins the Mr. Tamil Nadu he gets an opportunity to meet our heroine and before you know it gets catapulted into the big bad world of modelling for high end products.  It involves shooting in exotic provinces in China where a certain flower blooms only in September.

Along the way, Lingesan becomes Lee and also love (read louv) happens – first as make believe to help Lee get comfortable in front of the camera and then actual louv happens.  Of course success does not come without rubbing some people the wrong way who eventually believe that they have had enough and something has to be done about Lee.

Like most Tamil movies with Shankar, I is extremely over the top on almost all counts.  Amy Jackson’s incapability to act is compensated through efforts such as a liberal focus on her assets.  Gimmicks like morphing her into a phone with the call buttons on her breasts do little to help.

Refer link for actual view J (http://content.bollywoodhungama.com/movie/display%20image/300x275%20jpeg/97151571.jpg).  The morphing moves forward with a Royal Enfield, sprouts, fish, a dhobi ghat and of course weights.

There are 3 major fight sequences.  One that involves BMX bicycles over rooftops in China.  Another with Lee’s hands tied behind his back.  But the piece de resistance has to be the first one in a gymnasium before Lee goes onto become Mr. Tamil Nadu.  That has Lingesan fighting the baddie body builders lathered in oil and in nothing but body builder underwear – if you are into that kind of fetish then it is probably a wet dream come true.

Besides the liberal presence of brands from Sunfeast Dark Fantasy to 3 roses tea and of course an entire song titled “i” perfume made in vanilla, I the movie is not short on everything that stands for Tamil cinema.  A transvestite, body builders flexing their moobs (man boobs), an ode to Beauty and the Beast, some great make-up – everything!!!

But the high point or 2 high points have to be mentioned.  One that involves replacing weights with human beings on a 7 foot barbell and performing a lift.  But nothing could probably beat tying your shoe laces by deftly flicking your feet in a manner that only Chiyaan Vikram could.  Simply sensational.  5 on 10 in terms of quality but even 10 would be insufficient to rate the antics that make this movie. Simply awesome.

Watch the trailer on http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi3484134937/?ref_=tt_ov_vi

Tevar

Tevariffic is what the campaign building up to the movie said.  A nice play on words and a decent campaign leading up to a decent movie.  But barely there.  If there was any way to pay tribute to Bollywood to begin a fresh year, Tevar is exactly the way it should be.  Music, Masala, Action, Drama – almost everything that you could expect from B-town and all reasonably packaged.

Taken 3

Every franchise has a particular life span.  A lot of it is dependent on consistency.  But a significant factor of longevity is also, "What is different this time around"? Taken 3 scores low on both counts.  The similarity ends with the characters from the Paris and Istanbul editions.

There is a significant departure from the basic premise. It is not a story of someone being kidnapped OR Taken to begin with. So it may as well have been called by another name like Non-Stop or Unknown or A Walk Among Tombstones. It is a genre of movies that has been formed over the past 5-6 years.  It is a genre called Liam Neeson.

The third and final installment (as the posters proclaim) finishes as a meek attempt to squeeze everything possible from the audience that had lapped up the earlier editions of this franchise.  Regrettably they do not get the formula right and have given it a less than memorable send off (provided they do not go back on their word).

Taken 3 gets off the blocks very slowly with Bryan Mills (Neeson) bringing a giant panda 🐼 as a birthday gift for his daughter Kim (Maggie Grace). The Hindi music in the background seemed as out of place as the panda itself. Bryan's hope of surprising his daughter falls flat. He finds a shoulder in his ex-wife Lenore (Famke Jenssen) who is having some trouble with her marriage to Stuart St. John (Dougaray Scott).

In fact, Stuart goes onto ask Bryan to not speak to Lenore any more. Bryan obliges only to receive a message from Lenore the next morning to meet over bagels. The good ex-husband that Bryan is, he walks across to pick bagels only to return to Lenore's cold body with a slit throat. The chase then begins.

The slow build up is compensated with some great chases soon after. First on foot with some exhibition of Parkour thrown in for garnish (it has become mandatory these days).  It then moves onto a frenetic car chase on the freeway which is in typical Taken fashion.  But that’s all you will get to keep you happy.

There are some classy dialogues in between that keep the audience entertained.  Liam Neeson excels in the dialogue delivery but does look a tad jaded and probably bored of reprising the same role over and over again.  The support cast is as good as furniture.  Really nothing exciting in the acting department per se.

Oliver Megaton has great action flicks to his credit like Transporter 3, Colombiana and even Taken 2.  But even with such solid backing behind him, Megaton struggles to put up a respectable showing with Taken 3.  I think the franchise had just run out of steam.  Watchable on TV.  5 on 10.  Disappointing end to the series.

Watch the trailer on http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi2340859673/?ref_=tt_ov_vi

pk

A school friend of mine, Paul Simon, preempted my review with his two bits, “Saw PK now.  Alright movie. No harm skipping. Too much of satyameva jayate style message”.  To Paul and the rest of you reading this I say, “I could not have summarized it better”. I have the same feeling for most movies from Rajkumar Hirani.  This was no different.

Happy Ending

Saif Ali Khan is getting a tad predictable these days.  Over the past 4 years, he is trying to carve a niche for himself as the leading hero for Romantic Comedies. Not unfortunately but not excitingly either it doesn’t seem to be putting forth anything different for audiences.

Bhopal : A Prayer For Rain

For the people in Bhopal, the abbreviation MIC stands for emotions ranging from horror to despair to rage.  With an organization called Union Carbide it would go onto a reaction that would be justifiable in any court of law.  But when it comes to a certain Warren Anderson (Martin Sheen), I can quite confidently say that they would not want him to Rest in Peace. Anderson passed away on 29^th September 2014.

La Belle et la Bête (Beauty & The Beast) (2014)

There is a special fascination that I have always had for French cinema although I cannot understand a word of what the cast says (Thank God for subtitles).  There is a regal feeling in the language itself and the expressions speak a million more words in itself.  I had no idea (thanks to my laziness) that Beauty and The Beast was actually a French re-telling of the timeless fairy tale.

Ouija

So everyone around the Ouija (wee-juh / wee-jaa / wee-jee) board places their hands on the planchette (http://macsstuff.net/photobov/ouija-board-planchette). Circle the board depending on the number of people at the board.  So 5 people would mean 5 circles.  Then say

Sonali Cable

Sonali Cable is a movie meant for the common man, the aam aadmi or the mango people as it is hep to call them these days.  It is one story that represents the millions of small business owners across the length and breadth of this country.  And to see a story written about one of these in a positive light is definitely one thing that they got right.

Ek Villain

Ek Villain was supposed to be inspired by a Korean movie called I Saw The Devil.  I went through the story on Wikipedia and honestly the similarities are minimal.  One cannot blame Mohit Suri of plagiarizing a Korean movie just because the serial killer collects jewelry from his victims in both movies.  The concept is by far quite different other than this aspect.

Kuku Mathur Ki Jhand Ho Gayi

Kuku Mathur Ki Jhand Ho Gayi (KMKJHG) is a movie that is definitely made from the heart but will at best find itself as a complicated 6 word clue in a random Dumb Charades round of an even more random Inter Collegiate Festival.  It is way too simple a story and needed to be packaged too well for it to be a success.

Khwaabb

I dream of an India where all sport is given equal importance and not just cricket.  I dream of an India where an athlete who can run fast enough to qualify for the world championship is given the proper facilities to maximize his performance.  I dream that this athlete also gets his due and is not asked to pay `1.5 lacs ($3000 approximately) after he has qualified for the world championships.

Divergent

The size of the Young Adult Fiction Market in 2009 was estimated at about $3 billion!!! (yes – with a “buh” – Alan Harper).  A certain Veronica Roth was terribly cued into this market at published her first book “Divergent” somewhere in 2011.  Even before she graduated, the movie rights were sold.

Dishkiyaoon

What are the elements of a Gangster movie? Firstly you need a story that is convincing enough.  So Sanamjit Talwar, in his debut effort, picks the evergreen Gangsta City that never sleeps as his backdrop. Safe bet considering that it has been fodder for million others before him. In the city, he starts of with a game of Snakes and Ladders between Viki Kartoos (Harman Baweja) and Lakwa (Sunny Deol).

Youngistaan

Lets us start this review by paying homage to one of the finest actors that our country has ever seen – Farooq Sheikh.  In his last on-screen release, Youngistaan, Farooq Saab plays the role of Akbar.  He is the Personal Assistant to the Prime Minister of the country.  The comfort with which he essays his role brings a tear to your eye because you will never be able to see his class on screen in anything new.  Thank goodness for DVDs.