Rajdhani Express

There is nothing much that director Ashok Kohli can look forward to after his debut in Bollywood. Maybe he needs to destroy all evidence of being associated with a movie titled Rajdhani Express (RE) and the cast and crew associated with it. But the cast and crew will be less of a worry. They would have died of shame anyways after watching themselves.

Hence my hypothesis that the people associated with this disaster of a start for 2013 for Bollywood have not seen their own handiwork. There should be a rule in Bollywood or some contact with the censor board that prevents such jokes on cinema from being released at the beginning of a calendar year or any auspicious day. There should in fact be a censor board arm that prevents release of such disasters.

The movie begins with our ace tennis star who has done his image and future no good by being part of this venture. He starts with a guttural laughter that is intended to create fear. I assume that because he is shown with his hands and legs tied up to a chair. But what he doesn’t know that the audience is laughing at him at the end of the day. In the same guttural way that he attempted to laugh.

Turns out he is Keshav (Paes) works for a local small time Don in the capital city called Bhaijee (Kiran Kumar). Now Bhaijee’s daughter Reena (Sayali Bhagat) and our man have a love hate relationship. They grew up together. He was the domestic under age help. She was the rich man’s daughter. And from then on the divide has been obvious. So when Bhaijee finds out about the hanky panky under his nose, he ostracizes Keshav and sets him up to be caught in the Rajdhani Express carrying ammo.

If by now, you are not tearing your hair apart, then you definitely will, when u see Keshav’s Ist AC Co-Passengers. Banerjee (Priyanshu Chatterjee) who is a Bollywood screen writer. Munish (Sudanshu Pandey) who is a fashion designer. Sunita (Pooja Bose) who is a Bollywood Item girl.

Attempting to add spice to this lousy curry is Deputy Commissioner Yadav (Jimmy Shergill) who must be regretting the day he signed this deal. And there is Shilpa Shukla who plays a Sub Inspector with her right hand in her pocket at all times looking grumpy as ever – I am sure because Kohli asked her to put her hand in her pocket and she didn’t.

She also had reason enough because Kohli asked her to mouth what will be the dialogue of the year, "Loyalty se behter sincerity hai. Loyalty is for dogs. Sincerity is for human beings". Please Please Please tell me you have pulled all your hair out by now. If not, please get a medical mental check-up lined up ASAP.

RE is the kind of movie that will actually make you tear your hair apart in agony. It may even send you on a witch hunt for Kohli because the cast has otherwise given reasonable performances to date. The only difference this time is a Kohli (maybe bad times for the entire clan). There is an absence of everything that goes into a movie. So adding to the list that has 2 movies to date on my blog, we have a 0 on 10 to begin 2013 with.

Trailer on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-rXXW7fBtM

Khiladi 786

Lets start by recounting the entire list.
1. Khiladi – 1992
2. Main Khiladi Tu Anari – 1994
3. Sabse Bada Khiladi – 1995
4. Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi – 1996
5. Mr. & Mrs. Khiladi – 1997
6. International Khiladi – 1999
7. Khiladi 420 – 2000
Am I missing something here? I thought there were more but could find only 7 as of now. It has been 20 years since the first one but there is none that has come remotely close to the excitement that was generated with the first in the franchise.

Lets cut from the gut wrenching excitement of a murder mystery (remember it was 1992 and Khiladi was a good movie then) to a slapstick comedy in which Akshay Kumar pretends to do a Rajnikanth. You know my sentiments when someone tries to ape the great man no knowing that the closest they can come to is be an ape!!! Put these 2 in perspective and you have a disaster in the making.

Lets view some classic examples of atrocious dialogues
1. Duniya mein teen cheez aise hai jo hoti hai lekin koi dekh nahin sakta – Bhooton ka sansaar, sachcha wala pyaar aur Bahattar Singh (AK) ki raftaar (there are 3 things that exist in the world but no one can see – The world of ghosts, true love and the speed of 72 Singh – yes his name is 72)
2. Jilla (District) Malkanpur, Gaon (village) Taasi, Sar par haath rab ka (God’s hand on my head) aur haath pe Saat Sau Chhiyaasi (number 786 – god’s number – on my hands)
3. Bachpan se chhod ta aa raha hoon. Bag lekar school gaya toh master ne kaha School chhod doh. Bat Ball leke cricket khelne gaya toh doston ne kaha cricket chhod doh. Scooter leke ghar se nikla toh padosi ne kaha Malad chhod doh (I will not even bother to translate that one)

At the end of it all, K786 lands up being a cheap imitation of Dabanng and the great man. AK – please remember the next time. There was, is and can be only one Chulbul Pandey and that rule doesn’t change even remotely for Rajnikanth. So respect that space and create one of your one.

The only saving grace – believe it or not – is Himes Bhai’s moosik and his acting (pretty decent). How Mithun Da finds accepts such cheesy roles is beyond me. I can understand that about the rest of the cast especially Shri Raj Babbar. But you are Mithun Da. Why? Why?? Why???

Watch this one if you are a fan of extreme slapstick and AK. Because if you are not, then you may find it difficult to survive. 3 on 10

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHdtpTrrxuo

Force

This is the 2nd movie involving Nishikant Kamat that I have seen this year. The first one was 404 as an actor where he was quite solid. But Nishikant Kamat the director has probably not translated his acting talent or for that matter his directorial talent - from his the Marathi Cinema repertoire (I hear Deool is really good and will be watching it soon) into Force. The direction is sincere no doubt but I would rate it as average at best. Not impactful in any manner. Plus the lack of emphasis on consistency just keeps getting to me. Do Indian directors really believe that the population is naïve enough not to catch up with some of them – maybe they are true but I guess that’s what differentiates the great ones from the good ones. So if Nishikant Kamat wants to be a great director the I guess he has to start paying attention to the finer details.

Now I agree that one can probably do only this much with a chatterbox who speaks through her teeth and thrives on saying, “ACP Sir” all the time so much that you forget that the ACP is actually called Yashwardhan (John Abraham). After a point of time Maya (Genelia D’Souza) starts sounding like the chalk scratching the black board which makes the kids cringe and clamp their ears shut. Not that the hunk of meat is far superior. But at least he isn’t a put on. I have always believed that John Abraham is one of the most sincere actors in Indian cinema. That he will stick to commercial cinema that may require him to take his shirt off (he gets paid for it unlike Sallu Bhai who does it gratis) is not a surprise. And then there is the supporting cast of a constipated Raj Babbar, a mature looking Mohnish Bahl, a less irritating Sandhya Mridul, A young Shashank Shende, a crass and unpolished Kamlesh Sawant and an insignificant Anaitha Nair (please please start finding more meaty roles – I would love to see you on screen more often. I think you have looks and talent. Why waste it )

A typical formula movie of a lead good looking inspector, a young upstart who will get killed, An older mature officer in the team and a crass hot blooded honest cop to complete the quartet. Sincerely made for certain. Could have been better. Has generated enough interest in me to look for the Tamil DVD. But not a bad way to spend a Saturday or Sunday afternoon and its playing on TV. Not required to watch on the big screen at all. It’s a little weird but I just noticed that this was a remake of a Tamil movie by a Marathi director in Hindi – anyone knows if other such combinations exist? Never Mind my “google swamy” avatar speaking. 5 on 10 to Force

Trailer on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MpB95_ArXA

Ramayana – The Epic

Sometime back I had reviewed Toy Story 3 in which I had put down the definition of Animate. I had also gone on to wax eloquent about one Pixar Studios who have the expertise like no one else in this field. Also, I have been informed that a large chunk of animation movies are designed right here in India. It would seem we are the best when it comes to creating these movies. Then pray tell me why is that when we ourselves make an attempt to get into the business, we fall flat on our faces? Ramayana – The Epic adds to the long saga of failed attempts by Indian film makers to get into the field of animation. There is of course no point in getting into a story telling mode for what is probably the 2nd most popular piece of mythology that comes from this country (No points for guessing which one occupies the #1 slot). So lets delve right into why I am of the opinion that Ramayana – The Epic is a failure as an animation movie.


First of all, the animation seems robotic and not fluid by a country mile. Actually, what you could associate it with best is a puppet show. Quite surprising since it was touted as the best ever animation made to date etc. I personally felt that the movements in “Gayab Aya” which came to the fore 20 years back were much more fluid – not to mention that the entire series was extremely entertaining. Maybe Chetan Desai and co. could have learnt a few things from the creator of Gayab. Secondly, one gets into the voice overs. The choice of voices was not bad at all when u look at the names – Manoj Bajpai (Ram), Juhi Chawla (Sita) and Ashutosh Rana (Ravana). Quite an impressive voice cast. But these impressive names flatter to deceive. Manoj Bajpai seemed to make too much of an effort to sound like the “Sarva Guna Sampan” character he was trying to play. And Juhi Chawla did exactly the same thing to arrive @ Sita. The key to great voice overs is to sound like you would do normally. That is why Tom Hanks makes a fabulous choice for Woody. Also, the character should look like the artiste who is playing the voice over. The final product as such is very disappointing to say the least.

The stand out performance however is Ashutosh Rana as Ravana. Excellent use choice of voice over. Not to mention that everything that was associated with Ravana in the movie was executed very well. The conflict between the 10 heads which is probably the easiest thing to think of but extremely difficult to execute has been shown very well with a lot of intensity. The courtroom of Ravana is grand to say the least. The palaces of Ayodhya pale in comparison. One would be justified to wonder if this was the Ramayana or a propaganda for Ravana.

Lastly, Chetan Desai’s direction is weak to say the least. In the interest of squeezing everything in under 90 minutes, he rushes through the entire storyline. One could argue by saying that anything longer could have resulted in a big bore. But as a counter point, there should reasonable attention given to at least one aspect like say the final fight with Ravana. Here, we find a hotch potch that can be best described as “Jack of All Trades and Master of None”. Disappointing way to have spent a Saturday morning. 3 on 10 for this one.