Kuku Mathur Ki Jhand Ho Gayi

Kuku Mathur Ki Jhand Ho Gayi (KMKJHG) is a movie that is definitely made from the heart but will at best find itself as a complicated 6 word clue in a random Dumb Charades round of an even more random Inter Collegiate Festival.  It is way too simple a story and needed to be packaged too well for it to be a success.

Bhoothnath Returns

Nitesh Tiwari enthralled us with Chillar Party a few years back – a movie that I had described as a must watch because of the message it tried to give and because it was entertaining (don’t forget the Chaddi March which was hilarious!!!).  This time around, his movie is packaged as a kids entertainer but it is actually meant for all of you out there who are above 18.  It is a must watch.

Ankhon Dekhi

Esoteric, abstruse, obscure, arcane, recherché, rarefied, recondite, abstract, difficult, hard, puzzling, perplexing, inscrutable, cryptic, complex, complicated, over/above one's head, incomprehensible, opaque – just a few words that come to mind when you watch Ankhon Dekhi.  Sadly the average audience will agree because of their mental faculties not being upto to the levels Rajat Kapoor expects them to be.

Bajatey Raho

When you have Ranvir Shorey and Vinay Pathak in a movie, you can be reasonably sure that the acting department has been taken care of.  You would be right this time around as well.  This duo has been entertaining us for over a decade and with Bajatey Raho they continue their good work.  To make things better we have some other great actors as well who make the journey even more easy.

Karthik Calling Karthik

It was only a matter of time before I got around to writing the review for this one.  Yes you can get the snide remarks started in response to this post.  Or even the corny jokes because nothing lesser would be expected as a response.  I am well aware and totally prepared for the same.

Fatso

If one were to go by the posters of Fatso, one would probably imagine that you will be getting into a movie that’s probably a bit slapstick. But then you would look at the star cast which has in the past given us good comedy. The likes of Ranvir Shorey or Purab Kohli for example. Not that you could say the same about Gul Panag who has been going through a patch which can be described as desperate of late. And then there is the aspect of the movie being directed by Rajat Kapoor. The story rritten by Rajat Kapoor and Saurabh Shukla. One will not blame you for giving the movie a chance right?

Fatso comes a cropper in each one of these points (except that of Gul Panag). Firstly, it is heavily inspired from the Hollywood flick Down to Earth which features Chris Rock and was released in 2001. So much for the originality that Rajat Kapoor and Saurabh Shukla were to get to the table. So we have Navin (Purab Kohli) who has proposed marriage to Nandini (Gul Panag). In a freak accident that was supposed to claim his close friend Sudeep aka Fatso (Ranvir Shorey), he gets picked up by the minion instead.

He figures this out when the mistake comes to the fore at a government like office which is the transit point before you get complete freedom from life. The bureaucracy upstairs is not able to correct the mistake in time. So Navin now doesn’t have a body because it has been cremated already. In the interim, Navin finds out that his close friend Yash (Neil Bhoopalam) has the hots for Nandini and is going to gun for her now that Navin is – erm – out of the way. After much persuasion, the General Manager upstairs provides him the option of swapping places with Sudeep which Navin takes gleefully.

The one aspect about Fatso that sticks out like a sore thumb is that it adds to the complete and utter capitulation that Gul Panag has seen in her acting. Where is the person we saw in the likes of Dor and Manorama Six Feet Under? I am sure she has been taken away by some ghost. What remains is the palest of all pseudo shadows that you can think of. Purab Kohli is very good in the limited screen time that he gets and the rest of the cast is above average except one Gunjan Bakshi who desperately needs an class in acting.

The music by Sagar Desai cannot keep you glued onto the screen in any manner. The script / dialogues is not very inspiring again. It would suffice to say that whoever was responsible did a below average job. Rajat Kapoor seems to have made this movie in some kind of a hurry because he has not paid any attention to details at all. Just went ahead and closed the movie out before the required deadlines. 4 on 10 is the best I would give Fatso. Watch it at your own risk.

Trailer on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otKcvjhj6B4

Jannat 2

I believe that it is time for Mahesh Bhatt to open a school or write a book on the art of making successful cinema – mind you, the operative word here being successful. Not brilliant cinema. Just a book that gives young movie makers an insight into what goes into making a hit movie. A few tricks that I have picked up from a genre of cinema that I would like to call – Mahesh Bhatt as under

1. Ensure there is a super hot woman in the movie even if she has no clue about the first thing that goes into acting. If she knows a bit of acting as is the case with Esha Gupta then you have a better chance of success
2. Ensure that there is at least one hit song in the movie. One which people remember for a really long time and identify at the first note that this is from a movie called XYZ – in this case Jannat 2
3. Ensure there is enough use of language that people can identify with. One that they don’t associate with regular cinema and therefore gets people a bit amused. For e.g. “Mere sar pe kya CHUTIYA likha hai”? Or get the hero to mouth the words “Iski to maa ki” and ensure that it is visible
4. Ensure that the story line is one that doesn’t put people to sleep. Preferably pick up a new topic like illegal small arms dealing – one which is right there for the taking and has surprisingly never been dealt with before.
5. Pick average stars who can hold their own on the screen and hope and pray that one of them comes up with a stellar performance like Randeep Hooda does in the movie under consideration. Even if that doesn’t happen, you haven’t paid too much and will ensure with the previous 4 points that you at least break even. If you get a hit performance they you will laugh your way to the bank.
6. Just enough of action, short chases, some shooting etc. that acts as the seasoning on a salad. The right amount to spice things up.
7. Throw in a sex scene and around 4 to 5 kisses for good measure. As they say – salt to taste

So my dear readers, if you guys were to follow the above instructions and ever make a movie then ensure that you pay obeisance to the great Mahesh Bhatt who mastered this art and has been magnanimous enough to pass it on to directors such as Kunal Deshmukh who are now well on their way to mastering the art. I thought Jannat 2 could have done with a name change at least. The title sounds very corny. Even if they had named it Sonu Dilli KKC (what a campaign I say!!!) it would have been great. Try catching up with this one whenever you can. You will not be bored. 6 on 10.

Trailer on http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi387949337/

Paan Singh Tomar

One can be quite certain that if Irrfan Khan has picked up a movie to be part of, it will be a good enough for at least a one time watch. And the world is going all ra ra about Paan Singh Tomar. So much so that I seem to be the last person in the world to watch it. Surprising right? Not when u have had a jam packed weekend with commitments to conduct quizzes in front of a massive 25 teams (notice the sarcasm). Bad call. Will be more astute in my calls in the future. Quite certainly, it has cost me at least 100 odd hits to this blog.

Tigmanshu Dhulia is usually a dependable director. But despite the rave reviews, I was a bit cautious approaching PST because of my previous experience with Saheb Biwi Aur Gangster – a movie that I thought had so much more than what it eventually delivered. But somewhere deep down, as I went into the hall to watch PST, I was hoping that I would use the words “Scorcher of a movie” when I write this blog later in the day. I wasn’t totally wrong. I wasn’t totally right either.

Lets talk about the good things first. It was firstly heartening to watch a movie that was centred around an athlete for a change. Probably because it makes it easier? I am not sure. But then I am glad. Also, as mentioned towards the end, it is dedicated to the unsung heroes of Indian Sport. Paan Singh was one such hero. 7 times national champion in the steeplechase – the toughest race on track. Winner @ International events. Forced to take a gun in his hand due to circumstances – genuine ones. Not whining ones. So – a good story line. Well narrated. Some great camera angles too.

The icing on the cake would have been the great performances. Primarily Irrfan who single handedly carries the movie all the way. Ably supported from 2-3 corners. Mahie Gill surprisingly under stated and good execution this time as Indira – Paan’s wife. Brijendra Kala & Zakir Hussain also doing extremely well to keep the movie @ acceptable standards.

What ticked me off though is that where on one hand, Tigmanshu Dhulia pays so much attention to detail, on the other hand, there are horrible consistency errors. Like the pain taken to put up a Rs.10 note from 1980 was very commendable. That it was a cheap print out was way too obvious. The camera work during the ice cream run was quite brilliant. That Paan Singh reaches major saab’s house with a shirt that seems recently pressed is just juvenile!!!

But I guess these gaffes are noticed only by the pathetic, heartless, stone cold, amateur critics like this author. But it still gives me the right to be disappointed with what I though could have finally been Tigmanshu Dhulia’s moment of truth. Where he breaks into the league of an Anurag Kashyap or a Vishal Bharadwaj. Not to be. 7 on 10 of which half the points come from Irrfan. As good as Kahaani – actually, Kahaani is probably better albeit marginally.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enwaoPOO0Ik

Chalo Dilli

I maybe working in the fashion industry for now but that has nothing to do with what I believe is fashionable in Indian Cinema these days. And I am not talking about clothes – just to clarify. I make the “fashionable” reference to the profession that is considered to be “in” as far as Bollywood is concerned these days. It’s a 2 letter word and I don’t mean vegetable vendor or movie star or managing director. It is the exceptionally lucrative profession of Investment Banking. Every alternate movie has the lead male and in this case female star who is an Investment Banker. How in the blazes does one of the most coveted professions of all time generally land up being portrayed as if it’s the only one available is just beyond me. There are so many other professions that Lara Dutta could have picked up for her role in Chalo Dilli but the choice of heading a 635 employee 200 crore turn over investment banking firm was too tempting to pass. That her description of her job leads you to believe that it is more to do with FOREX (or maybe it was too fast for the comprehension of lowly mortals such as this writer) is not going to go too well with the Investment Banker’s Association of India (if there is such an organization that exists).

Mihika (Lara Dutta) – and I like that name – has to take the 1630 flight from Mumbai to Delhi to catch up with her husband who for some strange reason doesn’t stay with her. She is used to the frills and fancies of quick check in, business class and the likes. But for availing these services, one has to get to the airport and preferably on time. Mihika manages the first part but fails miserably on the 2nd part. Despite her meek and vain threat about how much business the airline makes through her, she is asked to take the next flight @ 2300 hrs (I assume it is not 11 am) which coincidentally takes off in reasonable sunlight – unless of course she takes an alternate airline. En route to the airport, she gets delayed by traffic and as luck would have it, the same despicable Dilli Wala – Manu Gupta (Vinay Pathak) – gets onto the seat in front of her. With great pain and with the help of her i-pod (which has all of one song loaded onto it) she manages to touch down. However, thanks to the i-pod – and Apple is not going to be too happy with this – she doesn’t hear the announcement regarding the diversion to Jaipur. She does manage to get a car with a driver who is half asleep and again bumps into Manu Bhaisaab who offers to take over in the driver’s seat. And so begins the journey through the desert with various modes of transport – that too in expensive high heels.

I missed out on Shashant Shah’s first, highly lauded Dasvidaniya. But if Chalo Dilli is anything to go by then I am exceptionally surprised at the accolades that his earlier attempt received. After a point of time, it gets insulting to the audience if certain basic consistency errors are overlooked – a clear indication of the “chalta hai. Audience ko kahaan pata chalne wala hai” attitude that’s used across the board. One would have expected more attention to detail than what was paid. That he cannot make the gorgeous Lara Dutta do better than what she managed also doesn’t reflect too well. But the casting coup from Shah comes in the form of probably the only actor who could have pulled off Manu Gupta. There is nothing else to speak about in the movie. Watch this one for yet another scintillating performance from Vinay Pathak. I give this a 6 on 10 – out of which 10 are for Vinay Pathak and -4 for all the gaffes and the atrocious version of Laila O Laila. There should be a ban on remaking all things Zeenat – no one can come close.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khRB85bwj-8

Utt Pataang

If it has Vinay Pathak in it along with the usual stage performers union thrown in, one is bound to make an assumption that the movie would be a good one. And you are also quite certain that these movies will not last beyond a week coz for some reason people don’t quite see the star value – which is what sells in India. Having said that, we did have 2-3 great movies last year without any star value whatsoever – a trend that is slowly but surely picking up in India. A trend that debutante director, Srikanth V Velagaleti doesn’t quite capitalize on with some loose direction and loads of errors on consistency. Add to that his inability to hold his own with classy actors such as Vinay Pathak and Saurabh Shukla and you have yourself the version of a Parsee Akuri that has gone horribly wrong coz it wasn’t made by a Bawa. Yes, it is edible. But it could have been so much better than what it eventually turned out to be. Long way to go Shrikant Saar.


Ram (Vinay Pathak) is your average loser 35 year old – and I wonder why there are so many such movies releasing these days; maybe just to remind me that I am slowly but surely getting to a place that is referred to more often than not as “over the hill”. I hereby make a humble request to the people who are responsible for driving Bollywood and for that matter Hollywood to please move focus to much more lucrative options such as movies on the average 25 year old bimbette / dude. Nevertheless, Ram is getting over a break up with Sanjana (Mahie Gill) who is a foul mouthed (both in speech and smell), ambitious woman. She dumps Ram for someone else and is now chasing Ram to get her stuff back. Ram’s detective friend Nandu (Saurabh Shukla) is dead against Sanjana coz he senses a stench when she is around – and that’s not due to her smoking or abusive habit. He just doesn’t like her.

One evening, Ram gets a call from Nandu asking him to meet up ASAP. He reaches the Polo club and has to wait for over an hour before Nandu shows up. Nandu has been pushing Ram to get over Sanjana and find someone new. But Ram thinks his days of “picking up women” are long dead and gone. The impromptu Nandu then goes ahead and asks the girl on the next table, Koel (Mona Singh) to join them for dinner and promptly disappears after a few minutes, leaving Koel and Ram to get to know each other. Koel has just left home that morning after breaking up with Pranay, her boy friend for six years because she finds a cigarette butt with a lipstick mark on it in the back seat of the car. Did I forget to mention the used condom she finds as well… er… sorry. After some small talk and getting Koel to feel better about her life in general, Ram gets her home to sleep…. In the guest room yaar…. Corrupt minded people I say. What follows is a whole lot of confusion and chasing woven with some healthy and clean comedy.

Vinay Pathak and Saurabh Shukla are very good as always. Vinay Pathak also has a double role in the movie with the other one of an underworld don obsessed with French. The rest of the cast is extremely passé. Mona Singh hardly has a couple of dialogues which she delivers in her usual average manner. Mahie Gill goes one step closer to my opinion of her being highly over rated. She hasn’t come remotely close to her Dev D performance ever. Is this another case of succumbing in the shadow of your best performance? Stop thinking about being like Paro my dear Ms. Gill. You cannot have a role like that ever again. Delnaz Paul is at her irritating best as always. She should seriously stop acting – the sooner the better. Overall, a very loosely made movie as mentioned earlier. Could have been much better. 5 on 10 I say.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-N3rEAszYg

Phas Gaye Re Obama

Comedy is still alive!!!! And the low budget comedy which goes onto make big bucks @ the Box Office is definitely here to stay. To the entire bunch of people who were inspired by that work of art called “Bheja Fry” – More power to you I say!!!! Keep them coming!!!! You are the reason why the semblance of faith in the movies still exists. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.

Om Shastri (Rajat Kapoor) is in trouble. He has been a victim of the R word which for some reason did not hit India with the vengeance that it hit the land of the free. It has eaten up his life slowly but surely. First his outlets, then offices and now his house. The so called millionaire has pretty much been reduced to rags. He is now faced with the possibility of losing his house to the bank unless he pays up dues of $100K to retain ownership. Not left with much of a choice, he has to make the arduous trip back home to sell his ancestral property.

Armed with loads of hope and a one way ticket (he has no money to take a return trip) he lands up in the hinterland of the most populous state in the country after 7 years. He is pleasantly surprised to see a welcome party of almost everyone that he knows back home. But he is not very pleasantly surprised when he realizes that they have come over not to receive him but are themselves not in the best of shape and have made the Haveli their residence for good. And the caretaker, Om’s Chachaji (Paternal Uncle) doesn’t have the heart to ask them to leave.

Simultaneously we see the gang of Bhaisaheb (Sanjay Mishra) rueing their fate of being in the kidnapping business. Business is slow and people are not willing to give as much money as they used to for their Phirauti (return). One of the gang members, Anni, has always been in awe of the US. Now that Om is in town, Anni is not going to lose a golden opportunity. In atypical UP ishtyle, he begs and pleads Om to take him to the US. Slowly but surely, the rest of the town also gets to know that Om is visiting. And the person most excited is Bhaisaheb who looks at this as an opportunity to get a few crores of Phirauti. A plot is hatched, much to Anni’s disgust, to kidnap Om.

Phas Gaye Re Obama (PGRO) is a satire on the kidnapping “business” in UP and its presence all way upto the top. It is packed with tasteful humour which has you in splits most of the time. A welcome change from the crappy slapstick humour that gets dished out to us day in day out. In several ways, it is like Tere Bin Laden and kind of takes off from where TBL left – in terms of humour that is. Director Subhash Kapoor has done a fabulous job of handling a bunch of theatre artistes and very few star value actors. Rajat Kapoor is as calm as ever in his role of Om Shastri. Sanjay Mishra is simple superb as Bhaisaheb and so is Amol Gupte as the evil politican. The most surprising performance comes from Neha Dhupia as the notorious Munni. Subhash Kapoor must have talent if he can get someone like Dhupia to perform with a commitment that I have never seen before. Most importantly, for the first time, she shows that she CAN act. The icing on the cake are the brilliant performances of the support cast of Devendra Choudhary, Brijendra Kala & Sumeet Nijhawan.

Fantastic movie for any day of the week. The only reason I would give it 7 on 10 is due to some minor inconsistencies which could have been avoided. Without that it would have easily got an 8. Don’t miss it.