Alone (2015) (Hindi)

"Kabeer ke Bina birthday cake nahin kaatungi" says Sanjana (Bipasha Basu) at her surprise birthday party organised by Kabeer (Karan Singh Grover) himself but in absentia. Her friend says, "Kaun kiss se zyada pyaa karta hai pata nahin". (we don't know who loves the other more). That's the story for the rest of the world.  But at home Sanjana doesn't want anything to come between her and Kabeer and is mighty cheesed about His hard working and social ways.

Creature 3D (Hindi)

Have you heard the story about King Bruce and the spider? The one in which King Bruce is thrown out of his kingdom and hides in a cave.  He sees a spider that keeps falling off while building a web.  King Bruce takes inspiration from that incident.  Comes back and wins his kingdom.  The story of never giving up that has inspired a million lives.

Raaz 3

The last Vikram Bhatt movie that I saw was Haunted 3D. The man and his obsession with the horror genre is truly commendable. By that I mean – how many times is one person willing to go out there and hang himself on a clothesline to be the object of ridicule of the rest of the world? It must take a truck load of guts right. I can understand that the Vishesh Films banner has to oblige family. But when oh when will this man stop fighting for the position of the worst director in the country?

I missed Raaz 3 on the Friday of release. And I was told that I didn’t miss much. I cannot say that it was a horrible movie. But I cannot say that it was above average either. In terms of a score out of 10, I would give it 3 on 10 because the story was definitely better than Bhatt’s previous attempts. So after trying for so long, he finally got a story that was not too bad.

You have Aditya Arora (Emran “Kiss Me” Hashmi) who is one of the most successful directors in the past few years. He has reached this far thanks to a few favours that he picked up along the way from Shanaya Shekhar (Bipasha Basu) who is an actress on her way down. She is fast losing ground to Sanjana Krishna (Esha Gupta). Sanjana has won the best actress award for the past 2 years.

So when Sanjana does a threepeat, Shanaya loses her faith in the person upstairs. She gets lured into the fascinating world of Black Magic. She sells her soul to Dutt (Manish Choudhary) – a spirit who is in the world between humans and the after-life. She gets some magic water from Dutt and with the help of Aditya gets Sanjana to consume the water. That unlocks Sanjana’s soul for the evil world to come into. A spate of eerie events occur back to back. Sanjana begins to lose it much to Shanaya’s delight.

Vikram Bhatt takes a bit to gore instead of the pure horror of the unknown. So we have an evil spirit that is made up reasonably well as a human with dark circles under his bloodshot eyes and some black scars for good measure. But in a minute he turns into a gory bloody lump with creepy crawlers coming out of every square inch. Quite hilarious actually when I play it back in my mind.

Nothing in terms of performances to look forward to. Bipasha is as plastic as ever but for some reason she always gets a great bunch of clothes which accentuate her curves better than anyone else. Hashmi is as good as he is ever been in a Vishesh Films production. Esha Gupta I disappointing. I expected better. On the whole, nothing you have missed @ 3 on 10. Don’t bother catching up.

Watch the trailer on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdGMo3fffkg

Jodi Breakers

Sanjukta Chawla, sure is what can be termed as a, “safe copy cat”. So as a story writer she surely keeps looking at the least obvious places that people would look at to draw inspiration. Can someone tell me whether she is related to Pritam (music director) in some way? How else could you explain Miss Chawla partially lifting the story of the 2010 French movie L'arnacoeur starring Romain Duris and Venessa Paradis? Unluckily for Sanjukta, L'arnacoeur aka Heart Breakers released just a few days back in this country. Luckily for Sanjukta it didn’t last for too long.

I would have been inclined to give the lady some credit for not having generated a colour photocopy of the original but the changes that she has made only deteriorated the story line for her. Heart Breakers was an average romantic comedy. With some bad changes and atrocious script writing, Jodi Breakers, finds itself a few steps away from the Bollywood graveyard. Thankfully, a few steps away and not in it.

Sid (R. Madhavan) has lost everything in a messy divorce to his money mongering wife Ira (Mrinalini Sharma). Leading his table of losses is Horny (red Audi TT convertible) that supposedly costs only 30 lakhs. With support from his friends, led by the agonizingly irritating and predictable Nayansukh Bhai Chamanlal Patel aka Nano (Omi Vaidya) he finds his feet back. He now dedicates himself to the social cause of saving people from marriages that they are not happy in. Small price to pay in lieu of a lifetime of alimony right? But what happens next is predictable – Sonali (Bipasha Basu) and full louv.

I can’t quite make up my mind on whether it was the complete absence of any form of acting talent or as previously mentioned the atrociously slapstick script that got to me. It would be safe for you to assume that both were just as bad. In terms of acting, Helen is absolutely endearing and one cannot fault her at this age. But I am sure that is the lack of cash flow that forced someone as talented as Madhavan to go down this path.

In between this entire melee of gorgeous looking bodies – Bipasha Basu, Mrinalini Sharma, Milind Soman, Pradeep Kharab, Kubraa Sait – there are a few people who show some semblance of acting. Dipannita Sharma is the only one who is not only very confident on screen but stands head and shoulders above the rest of the cast. She continues from where she left off in Ladies v/s Ricky Bahl. Sadly despite his gut wrenchingly irritating antics, Omi Vaidya will continue to have a fan following – one of the unexplained mysteries of show business.

I haven’t seen Ashwini Chaudhary’s previous attempts but I am told Dhoop was a good movie. I can’t say that Jodi Breakers inspires any confidence in me. The list of flaws would be endless and so I will sign off with my standard statutory warning – watch this at your own risk. 4 on 10. Oh yes and by the way the music isn’t too great either.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czJk9maek-I0

Players

When the director duo – as they so proudly proclaim in the titling of the movie – Abbas Mustan come together, then you can expect some really mindless action coming your way for certain. But in the past few movies, they have shown that they can execute the mindlessness with some class and finesse for sure. Race for instance, had a twist within a twist within a twist and pretty soon you were twistier than the Dominoes Twisty Garlic Bread. But much like the Dominoes Twisty Garlic Bread, you went out of the theatre feeling quite good about the manner in which you spent your past 2.5 hours. It would have felt quite similar when you saw, 36 China Town as well. One would have walked out saying – not bad yaar. Decent. Theekh hai. But I think the run of average luck that these two had over the past few years has finally run out on them in a manner of speaking.
And mind you, I am not complaining about the corny dialogues in the movie. Say when the hottest chick in the movie who goes by the name of Shyla or something, in a skimpy swimsuit throws herself @ Charlie Mascarenhas (Abhishekh Bachchan) who keeps his interest limited to a book that she was supposed to deliver. Shyla goes, “Yahaan poori library padi hui hai aur yeh ek book ke peechhe pada hai” (Theres a complete library available for the taking and the moron is interested only in one book). Such corny dialogues are definitely expected in an Abbas Mustan movie. And I am not talking about how there is a disco in St. Petersburg or Moscow or wherever called “House of Rasputin”… er…Abbas Mustan… maaf hai. And I am not talking about the aspect of a random Indian babe (to the Russians I mean. To us she is known as Bipasha Basu OR of late – a random Indian babe) walks in to con a Lt. General of the Russian Army and waltzes in without any security issues and also manages to sing a raunchy Hindi number along the way. Or that 4 Indians almost drown in the frigid waters of Russia and land up comfortably sitting on the ice with little or no fear of hypothermia. All that is completely acceptable and expected of Abbas Mustan.

But what is not acceptable is the really bad finishing. For once, the action sequences seem badly executed. From the first scene of Jr. B stealing a diamond necklace to the really badly finished gold heist sequence from the newer Italian Job (which starred Mark Wahlberg), there was nothing which had the true Abbas Mustan Stamp on it. For a change – and a bad change at that – the pair has given too much emphasis on the insignificant stuff such as the complicated search for Spider which pans all continents with the exception of Antarctica. There are some random charitable reasons such as an orphanage in Shimla or a paraplegic daughter of one of the “Players” – Ronnie (Bobby Deol). Yaar Abbas Bhai – Mustan Bhai – what is this yaar. Non stop action with no sense is your forte. What is this social messaging etc. doing in your mlovie. Players seemed a little to arty for your taste.

And yes, the next time anyone casts Sonam Kapoor, please don’t give her leopard skin leotards and make up that attempts to make her look like Lisbeth Salander (Girl with the dragon tattoo) – she never could, isn’t and cannot come anywhere close. Also, acting school desperately required. Papa is going places but kiddo is going to stay rooted here if there are no drastic changes.

A best possible score of 3 on 10 for this really bad copy of the Italian Job (2003). Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgPQ7_xsm3o

Dum Maro Dum

That Abhishek Bachchan will live in the shadow of Yuva for the rest of his life and continue to try and benchmark himself to that level is a foregone conculsion in any of his movies. But to his credit this time around, he does give you some glimpses of the intensity that he showed in his best performance to date. Hope Floats for all your fans of the Jr. B (count me out of that list for the time being). After Game I thought it was all over folks. It was definitely time to get the fat lady in.

What makes his performance look better than what it actually is the sheer presence of John Abraham’s ex who has this innate capability of making anyone look better on screen. If there was a plastic meter for performances on screen then Bipasha Basu would have scored 12 on 10. And then you also wonder what Rohan Sippy was thinking when he cast Aditya Panscholi. Definitely a case of the ex Mr. Zareena Wahab (whats with these exes?) having put in money into the production.

And then there is rest of the cast led by Tollywood hero Rana Daggubatti who manages to hold his own in his Bollywood debut. Pratiek (without the Babbar) is sincere, but as always seems to have tried really hard to make things look as real has he possibly can. The saving grace in the acting department is however the natural, ice cold performance from Govind Namdeo who comes out on tops once again.

Dum Maro Dum revolves around the elusive Michael Barbossa aka Vincent Vega aka Colin Coutinhon aka Tobby Follet who is the savior of the drug mafia in Goa. Whenever the narcotics business in Goa starts to take a beating, Barbossa or one of his avatars comes in to save business which is primarily led by Lorsa Biscuita (Aditya Panscholi). But Barbossa’s days are about to be numbered when the Home Minster Ponda (Bugs Bharagava) calls on ex-cop ACP Vishnu Kamat (Jr. B) to clean up the state. In his previous assignments related to narcotics, ACP Kamat was notorious for maximizing his personal wealth. But he loses it when his family dies in a car crash. Poetic justice because the drivers of the other car were high on drugs. He picks his own team – Rane (Govind Namdeo) and Mercy (Gulshan Devaiya) to help him. His first breakthrough happens when he manages to foil Lawrence Eduardo Gomes aka Lorry (Pratiek) who is forced to become a carrier to pay his fees for a US University. All poor Lorry wanted to do was to be with his girl, Tani (Anaitha Nair) who gets through to the same uni with a 100% scholarship. Lorry’s close friend Joaquim aka DJ Joki (Rana) tries to convince him to come clean and even manages to strike a deal with ACP Kamath but Lorry chickens out and Joki’s only chance to get back @ Biscuita goes abegging. You see Biscuita has stolen Joki’s girl i.e. Zoe (Bipasha Basu) in the same manner as Lorry manages to get himself into jail. All these characters try to solve the big mystery – Who is Barbossa???

Poorly written dialogues are the bane of DMD which could have been a much better movie than it turned out. Lines such as “Moscow ke DJ tyaon tyaon aur pussycats meow meow. Live FTV no censor” and “Barbossa ka pata chahiye. Baaki sab ke liye google hai” and “MC ya BC? Middle Class ya Business Class”. I mean what was Rohan Sippy thinking? He didn’t have Rajanikant to carry these lines off right? Pritam’s music continues to be heavily and now obviously “inspired” and inspid. Rohan Sippy still tries his best to keep the movie racy enough for you not to get bored. Would have expected better coz this one doesn’t come upto the previous mark he set with Bluff Master. The random use of Konkani words fall flat. As a good friend says, “That’s the magic of it all. You aren’t Goan till you are Goin man”. Overall a below average effort. 4 on 10 is my final verdict. Was tempted to give it a point more but nah. Not happening.

Watch the trailer on http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2560597273/

Aakrosh

Jhanjhar is a village in Bihar where there is only one law – that of the jungle. And in this case its not a lion that rules the jungle but a pack of wolves led by Bahubali – the village head in a manner of speaking. Holding him in good stead is mainly Ajat Shatru (Paresh Rawal) the local SP and Pappu Tiwari (Jaideep Ahlawat) who is the local goon. And in this jungle you don’t mess with the wolves. But that’s exactly what 3 students from a Delhi Medical School do. Led by Deepu who is from Jhanjhar and in love with Roshni (Amita Pathak), they make their way to Jhanjhar and try to elope with Roshni. All it takes is for one priest to see Roshni take off and the 3 are caught. They go missing and are untraceable for the next couple of months. The apathy on the government’s part gets to the students of the med school and they go on an indefinite hunger strike till the government takes the required action.


Promptly, a CBI Team is appointed. The team is led by Siddhant Chaturvedi (Akshaye Khanna) a hot blooded young CBI Officer who is 2 cases and 6 convictions old. He is joined by his sidekick Keshav (Vineet Sharma) and Major Pratap Kumar (Ajay Devgn) – Officer on special duty. The clash of personalities is very obvious. Siddhant is an officer who goes only by the book and follows protocol to the T. Major Pratap is all for protocol but a bit more street smart and aware of the intricacies that exist in a place like Jhanjhar. He knows that the law means little of nothing to the people there. More so since he comes from a background where his entire family is wiped out thanks to the vengeance of one such Zameendar.

The efforts of the CBI Team come to naught as they find all their leads disappearing by the day. Every person in the village is petrified of Bahubali and his cronies. Getting someone to be a witness seems to be a far fetched idea. None of them are willing to even speak to the team. Their main lead, Deepu’s maternal uncle is first threatened and then killed along with his kid. That leaves them with Jhamunia (Reema Sen) who is again threatened first and then the goons chop her tongue off. Their last straw would be Geeta (Bipasha Basu), Pratap’s ex flame and Ajat Shatru’s current wife who can be their only hope.

Priyadarshan’s last attempt at making a Drama would have been Virasat (1997) preceded by Kaala Pani (1996) and Gardish (1993). His attempts @ serious cinema and not slapstick have yielded much better results to date. Wonder why he doesn’t stick to something that he is good at. Its probably the typical case of having tasted blood with Hera Pheri (2000) and then living in the illusion that comedy is exactly what he is cut out for. Aakrosh marks Priyadarshan’s reasonably successful return to a genre of films that he is more suited for. Although the movie is extremely stretched out for over 2.5 hours, it still delivers a strong story line. It could have done without the meandering about in the first half and been delivered in a much more compact fashion. But I guess Priyan was quite rusty (13 years) and took a while to get into the groove. Way off from his best performance to date for sure. There are several editing and consistency flaws in the movie. Akshaye Khanna is shown coming into Jhanjhar in a First Class Compartment but gets out of an AC compartment.

Ajay Devgn has definitely come of age over his past few movies. Yet another solid performance with little or no constipated looks. However, all the others with the exception of Paresh Rawal are sad to say the least. Paresh Rawal once again comes on tops and shows us why he is probably the most versatile actor of our time. His execution of Ajat Shatru really makes one cringe in a way only a good villain can. Akshaye Khanna tries very hard but falls woefully short. Bipasha Basu as always is furniture – good looking furniture if it makes her feel better that is. Moreover, one cannot help but draw similarities with the likes of Mississippi Burning. Overall not 2 great a movie. I would give it 4 on 10.

Lamhaa – The Untold Story of Kashmir

“The biggest casualty of war is the innocent” – This statement kind of personifies the intent that the director had to give “The Untold Story of Kashmir”. But neither does he give us something that was untold but also keeps us waiting for the essence of the message to come through strongly. Yes there is an attempt to get the message across but Rahul Dholakia comes up short. Surprising that this is the same guy who gave us Parzania which was far more hard hitting and true to reality.


Mohd Hussain Rauf (Yashpal Sharma) is an undercover ISI officer in India who works closely with Brigadier Sharma from the Indian Army known to be a corrupt guy but no proof for the same. The key to their success is Samar Singh a power broker.

In an attempt to break their nexus, Col. Kapoor (Vipin Sharma) calls for Vikram Sabharwal (an extremely ragged 50 year old Sanjay Dutt )– an agent from outside i.e. outside of Kashmir returning after 18 yrs. Then current year is shown as 2009 and past is shown as 1989. Then Dear Mr. Dholakia, mathematically it is 20 right? Anyways… about 20 years back is when the leader of Azaad Kashmir movement Mir Owais Ansari was shot dead following which almost every male Kashmiri for interrogation. Thousands of such Kashmiri men disappeared sometime in the early 90s. Kashmiri Pandits left kashmir and no one tried to stop them. People had taken to arms. Sabharwal now makes his way back into the valley undercover as Gul Jahangir. No one knows about him and what do you know… no one can find out either 

People for Kashmiri Freedom is an organization led by Haji Syed Shah (Anupam Kher) who took over the reins after Mir Ansari’s death and adopted his only daughter Aziza Ansari (Bipasha Basu). Aziza is romantically involved with Aatif (Kunal Kapoor), one of the key members of PKF but is expelled due to his aversion to arms and wanting to make a difference without involving external militant entities like the Lashkar e Toiba. Aziza also is a key member of the Fatima Squad, a bunch of burkha clad women who like to take action against any societal atrocities.

Aziza starts rubbing the seniors @ PKF the wrong way when she inadvertently uncovers a sex scandal that involves someone senior from the PKF

Things take a slightly nasty turn when a 17th attempt is made on his life. But this time under the watchful eyes of Jahangir who smells a fish and takes to investigating it. Haji’s right hand man is Pervez (Yuri Suri) who seems to be like the fish. He poses as Yusuf Khan (now I am going to lose track of who he is… Sabharwal, Jahangir or Khan) and recovers a CCTV footage of the blast (wonder how it survived the blast in the first place). His investigations slowly lead him to Anwar who is the guy responsible for the blast and then eventually to the fish (Pervez… in case u have lost track of the review by now). But Sabharwal’s mission has just started. There is more to come and he needs to figure out what the root cause of the problem is.

There are several attempts from the director to try and paint a sentimental picture. He tries to do that through a village cornily called Dardpura which has half widows (who don’t know whether their husbands are alive or dead). Through a scene where Sabharwal wakes up to see a kid play with bullet shells instead o marbles. Through a bunch of kids screaming “Ai Ai Lashkar Ai - Bharat Teri Maut Ai”. But none of these scenes have any amount of intensity in them.

There are a whole host of corny dialogues – “God made Heaven. Man created Hell. This is the story of Kashmir” OR “Aakhon mein gussa har kashmiri ko virasat mein milta hai” OR “Aaj hamari identity I card banke reh gayi hai”. Mr. Dholakia – I refuse to believe that you made Parzania.

Several editing flaws and consistency flaws and sound editing flaws dot the movie. I have no clue why Sanjay Dutt needs to have a swagger in a movie that is oriented around Kashmir. Completely gets the seriousness out of the movie. Bipasha speaking Urdu… well the lesser said about it the better. Kunal Kapoor does not have even a % of intensity that he showed in Rang De Basanti. Performances are insipid all around. Wouldn’t highly recommend Lamhaa. Its at best a 3 on 10 for just the effort of putting it together.