Happy New Year (2014) (Hindi)

Recipe for a successful Farah Khan Movie

Kochadaiiyaan (Tamil)

Somewhere between a heavily interrupted show of Kochadaiiyaan (Tamil) @ Cinemax Sion, my good friend Varun Suresh decided to figure out what did it cost to make Tintin and the Secret of the Unicorn.  Apparently the estimated spend was between $100-125 million.  It cost less than the difference in the range to make Kochadaiiyaan.

Gang of Ghosts (Hindi 2014)

Most Satish Kaushik movies are fraught with corny lines that make your cringe.  Usually he is also in front of the camera to delivery these liners in his typical poetic manner but this time around he decides to stay behind.  Let’s have a look at some of these vignettes from Shri Kaushik’s latest release – Gang of Ghosts.

Mahabharat (Animation) (2013) (Hindi)

The trailer starts with the predictable, “Yada Yada hi Dharmasya….” (for translation, visit - http://www.asitis.com/4/7.html).  That and the really bad quality of animation visible on the trailers prepared me for pretty much the worst.  The fact ironically remains that India will be the largest exporter of animation in the world (citation needed) but will not spend money in making a quality animation movie.

Dhoom 3

I left home this morning around 8:35 am for an 8:30 am show - you see PVR Cinemas usually plays upto 17 minutes of advertisements into the show time. So an 8:30 show will usually start @ 8:47. And if it is a Yash Raj film (or any big banner one for that matter), it would not have started before 8:55. But more importantly, I had Blackie and Whitey (the dogs in my building) looking @ me eagerly, as if to say, "what's the point of you going for a Dhoom movie. Spend time with us. It may be more exciting".

Aurangzeb

Aurangzeb was known for his resoluteness towards one goal and one goal only – that of taking the empire from his father.  He went to the extent of jailing his own father for no apparent reason other than greed for the throne.  That, is the apparent logic for this thriller based out of Gurgaon that shows the deep rooted nexus between politicians, gang lords (mafia) and cops.

Mummy Punjabi

The first thing that struck me when this movie started was that the lyrics were by Sameer. And I was taken back 20 years to the Aashiqui days where the dreaded trio of Nadeem Shravan and Sameer used to belt out tracks which started off as brilliantly as they turned inane to the likes of “Doodh Ban Jaoongi Malai Ban Jaoongi” from Sarhad. And that is pretty much what “Mummy Punjabi” turned into. Although I do believe that if the version that is saw wasn’t the dubbed one, it would have turned out to be a much more tolerable flick that what I landed up watching. I was of course as confident as ever that this one would turn out to be a not so great movie and was had braced myself for what was in store. But it helped little. Maybe I should take advise from people who care about me and insist on lesser reviews of higher quality and not just go for every single movie in town. That is a discussion we will continue with some other day however.
Mummy Punjabi, as I said, would have turned out to be better in Ingliss than it turned out in the Hindi dubbed version that I saw. It was extremely distracting to say the least to watch the awry lip sync and it took me a bit of time to figure out that this was actually supposed to be an Punglish movie (Punjabi + English). It revolves around a semi psychopathic (harsh words I must say) mother – Baby Arora (Kirron Kher) aka Mummyji – of 3 who treats the world the other way around. She believes that her 2 sons should be really looked out for since it is a “woman’s world” these days. Her sons of course are quite familiar with the ways of the world and are having a whale of a time. One of them runs a discotheque in the city which is called out as a family restaurant for the benefit of Babyji. The sons are aptly named Karan (Viraf Patel) and Arjun (Sachin Sharma). And hold on to your horses ladies and gentlemen. The daughter of 22 is called….. Simran (Simran Vaid)!!!! Completeing the happy wali family is Rajendra Arora (Kanwaljeet Singh) who is the husband who apparently has tolerated Baby ji for 30 years now. Baby ji’s only aim in life is to get her elder son married to a domesticated wife, the younger son to an American or Canadian doctor and the daughter is free to make her own choice of husband.

What appears to be an interesting story-line and one that could have immense potential degenerates almost at the beginning itself into a superb case of broad daylight slaughter. And I am talking about aspects of movie making and not human slaughter. There is not much of a script to write home about. The dialogues are quite creepy (and crappy too). The senior members of the cast i.e. Kirron Kher, Kanwaljit, Divya Dutta and Anju Mahendroo manage to hold their own and ensure that they give their respective roles what was expected of them. The junior members of the cast (and unfortunately there are too many of them) are absolutely pathetic to say the least. There is not much direction to write home about and the music is also pretty bad. The makers could have at least retained the regular Hindi songs which were used for a couple of attempted dance sequences by the 2 bahus (daughters-in-law). Not a good movie by a country mile but I am sure the English one would have been reasonably watchable. The Hindi dubbed version sucks!!! 2 on 10.

The trailer can be viewed on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OerjSloIfKk

Bhindi Bazaar Inc

Assimilate these 3 sentences
1. “Kisi Ne Kaha Hai ki khel harne ya jeetne ke liye nahin kheli jaati. Woh usne zaroor haarne ke baad hee kaha hoga”!!! (Someone once said that it doesn’t matter if you win or lose in a game. He must have surely said that after losing a game).
2. What goes around – comes around
3. Maro yaa Maaro (Eat or be eaten)
The entire concept of Bhindi Bazaar Inc. can be explained with just these 2 sentences. A simple concept of every subsequent person in the food chain wanting to grow a bit too fast for his own good in the race to be at the top of Mumbai’s biggest area for crime – organized or unorganized – Bhindi Bazaar. The story of Fateh (Prashant Narayanan) and Tabrez aka Tez (Gautam Sharma) who grow up as the best of buddies and as protégés of the local “Maamu” (Pawan Malhotra). But what does Maamu do? He is the local handler for all the pickpockets in a part of Bhindi Bazaar. And extremely organized set up. And one that comes with its own hassles of restricting yourself to the area that has been assigned to you. As was found out by one of Maamu’s men who strayed into the area of their arch rivals from next door, the area across the tracks, led by Bhaiyyaji (Piyush Mishra) and his right hand man, Sankat Pandey. Superimpose all of this with a Pharma Company that is trying to use this network of crime to spread flu so that their drug starts flying off the shelves and of course the most important person of all – the guy who controls it all from his air conditioned sprawling Apartment – the big boss – Shroff (Kay Kay Menon). That my friends is the best way I could give you a synopsis of what you are in for when u walk in to watch BBI.

In a bit over 2 hours, newbie director Ankush Bhatt tries his best to get a bunch of people of act but fails quite miserably at it. Kay Kay Menon and Piyush Mishra need not be told usually what to do on screen and have the capabilities to figure out what is to be done by themselves. Kay Kay however has a staid role which is more of a Sutradhar that a lead character. Prashant Narayanan and another newbie Gautam Sharma both flatter to deceive. Somewhere I have always thought that Prashant can be a much better actor but keeps getting into these roles which require him not to shave and speak in a very “Mawali” (Rowdy) fashion. Gautam Sharma will take a long long time to get upto speed with the concept of acting. We then come to the 4 pieces of furniture. Firstly Shilpa Shukla who has been out of a job since Chak De and is desperate to get her 15 minutes of fame back. Then there is new comer Shweta Varma who is as frigid on screen as a polar ice cap with no sight of global warming. And the last but one piece is the very slutty winner of an MTV VJ or model Hunt – Vedika Pratap Singh – whose only job it would have seemed was to to show off her cleavage (which was clearly enhanced) and have 3 sex scenes with different men. And rounding off the entire shebang with the disappointing cousin of Jenny from the block – Caterina – who was being spoken about over the radio as the next big thing in item numbers – NAH!!! Nothing u will miss.

In the end what would have been basic fodder for the likes of an RGV turns out to be a damp squib to say the least. To summarize – Strong but beaten to death concept, below par direction, Under utilized actors, inconsistencies galore, one reasonable song, 3 sex scenes, one item number and Jackie Shroff (yuck!!!) & Deepti Naval in special appearances – if you believe this whets your appetite then go right ahead with BBI. I kinda wasted my time on this 4 on 10 movie.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKqEwde6Rb4