Dilwale (Hindi) (2015)

Ever get a feeling that you tried to do something differently but could not change who you stand for and ultimately landed up making a big hash of everything? If the answer is yes, then Rohit Shetty’s Dilwale will give you that sense of déjà vu.  It would have definitely given Shetty that feeling.

Ramaiya Vastavaiya

I wonder what gave me the impression that Ramaiya Vastavaiya was to be the debut film of Chiranjeevi’s son – Ram Charan.  But that was the remake of Zanjeer.  With Ramaiya Vastavaiya, we are definitely in for a tight contest for the most disastrous debut of 2013.  Within a few seconds of Ram (Girish Kumar) entering the movie, you know that the only way he could be present in a movie is if his father has put in the money.

Dabanng 2

Did you know that in a Zeus phone you can play songs and the package includes a camera as well? And did you know that in that phone, you cannot figure out that your own son is calling you to poke fun by pretending to be a woman who is cheating on her husband.

And did you know that the only way to be Dabanng other than being Salman Khan is to buy a Suzuki Hayate? Did you also know that you need to buy insurance to keep the future of your family safe? In fact, you can buy insurance products where you will earn continuously after death as well.

Did you also know that Hajmola is the best cure for an upset stomach? And that you could have more Hajmola to cure an upset stomach because of having too much Hajmola. And lets not forget www.xoom.com. That’s the latest word in money transfer. It gets your money across to your loved ones within 24 hours!!! WOW!!! I mean how cool is that? 24 hours??? Who could have thought of that???

Lastly, did you know that it takes a few weeks for Makkhi Singh (Arbaaz Khan) to figure out it was he who came back from the jungle. Oh come on!!! What am I ranting about? Maybe it is just my frustration and disappointment with all the irrelevant crap that I was put through for over 2 hours!!! Thankfully it was just a little over 2 hours but the 40 mins for ads and fillers also contributed

By now you would have figured out that there is very little to speak about in Dabanng 2. I know sequels are difficult to make and especially if you do not have the same director (Abhinav Singh Kashyap). But in case of Dabanng 2, it didn’t matter much. Arbaaz was as bad. Actually he was probably a bit better also. But that could not compensate for an absolutely stale story.

There was a title song, a street romaans (romance) song, a song in Dubai, a song with cops getting drunk and an item song. All by Sajid Wajid. Al sounded near identical if not actually identical. There were a few fight scenes. Actually lesser that Dabanng. And this time they weren’t even believable. Either ways, I should not have expected too much. Disappointing. It will do well but nowhere close to Dabanng. 3 on 10.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nPN1M9zVcI

Players

When the director duo – as they so proudly proclaim in the titling of the movie – Abbas Mustan come together, then you can expect some really mindless action coming your way for certain. But in the past few movies, they have shown that they can execute the mindlessness with some class and finesse for sure. Race for instance, had a twist within a twist within a twist and pretty soon you were twistier than the Dominoes Twisty Garlic Bread. But much like the Dominoes Twisty Garlic Bread, you went out of the theatre feeling quite good about the manner in which you spent your past 2.5 hours. It would have felt quite similar when you saw, 36 China Town as well. One would have walked out saying – not bad yaar. Decent. Theekh hai. But I think the run of average luck that these two had over the past few years has finally run out on them in a manner of speaking.
And mind you, I am not complaining about the corny dialogues in the movie. Say when the hottest chick in the movie who goes by the name of Shyla or something, in a skimpy swimsuit throws herself @ Charlie Mascarenhas (Abhishekh Bachchan) who keeps his interest limited to a book that she was supposed to deliver. Shyla goes, “Yahaan poori library padi hui hai aur yeh ek book ke peechhe pada hai” (Theres a complete library available for the taking and the moron is interested only in one book). Such corny dialogues are definitely expected in an Abbas Mustan movie. And I am not talking about how there is a disco in St. Petersburg or Moscow or wherever called “House of Rasputin”… er…Abbas Mustan… maaf hai. And I am not talking about the aspect of a random Indian babe (to the Russians I mean. To us she is known as Bipasha Basu OR of late – a random Indian babe) walks in to con a Lt. General of the Russian Army and waltzes in without any security issues and also manages to sing a raunchy Hindi number along the way. Or that 4 Indians almost drown in the frigid waters of Russia and land up comfortably sitting on the ice with little or no fear of hypothermia. All that is completely acceptable and expected of Abbas Mustan.

But what is not acceptable is the really bad finishing. For once, the action sequences seem badly executed. From the first scene of Jr. B stealing a diamond necklace to the really badly finished gold heist sequence from the newer Italian Job (which starred Mark Wahlberg), there was nothing which had the true Abbas Mustan Stamp on it. For a change – and a bad change at that – the pair has given too much emphasis on the insignificant stuff such as the complicated search for Spider which pans all continents with the exception of Antarctica. There are some random charitable reasons such as an orphanage in Shimla or a paraplegic daughter of one of the “Players” – Ronnie (Bobby Deol). Yaar Abbas Bhai – Mustan Bhai – what is this yaar. Non stop action with no sense is your forte. What is this social messaging etc. doing in your mlovie. Players seemed a little to arty for your taste.

And yes, the next time anyone casts Sonam Kapoor, please don’t give her leopard skin leotards and make up that attempts to make her look like Lisbeth Salander (Girl with the dragon tattoo) – she never could, isn’t and cannot come anywhere close. Also, acting school desperately required. Papa is going places but kiddo is going to stay rooted here if there are no drastic changes.

A best possible score of 3 on 10 for this really bad copy of the Italian Job (2003). Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgPQ7_xsm3o

Dabangg

Whenever I see a Salman Khan movie, I am reminded of my time in Chennai for a couple of years. 1998 Diwali saw the release of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. What I wasn’t expecting though is the reaction that the crowd gave to the entry of Salman. The only other time that I have seen such adulation for any actor in Chennai would obviously involve “Rajni mera god, rajni mera bhagavan, rajni mera sab kuch”. I was seriously surprised that the PVR Mulund crowd turned out to be very well behaved with just a little bit of whistling and cat calls when Chulbul a.k.a. Robin Hood Pandey (Salman Khan) makes his appearance sporting an absolutely fabulous new look which most people that I have spoken to have liked. Yes Salman, the verdict on the pencil moustache is that you must keep it on… at least for a while.

Anyways, getting to the story. Chulbul and Makkhi Pandey are step brothers. Prajapati Pandey (Vinod Khanna) and Naini (Dimple Kapadia) get married when she loses her husband and is left with a 2 year old son – Chulbul….. yes you can laugh your guts out at this stage itself…. I mean parents would have really hated their kids to name them Chulbul and Makkhi!!!!! Nevertheless, CB grows up under the shadow of a step father with no bonding whatsoever and swears that he will make it his mission in life to be more respected that either of them when he grows up. 21 years later, we find CB chasing down a bunch of dacoits who have just looted a bank. In the ensuing fight, he gets the money back but decides to keep it with himself (don’t ask why OR how). Turns out that the money belongs to Chhedi Singh (Sonu Sood) and Mr. Dacoit was part of his band of goons collecting funds for the upcoming elections. CB, however, refuses to pay obeisance to Chhedi and a delectable rivalry develops.

In the meantime Makhanlal b.k.a. (“better known as” for the not so logical ) Makkhi (Arbaaz Khan) has grown up to still disappoint his father and continues to be good for nothing. How he manages to find himself a woman is beyond me but he is romantically involved with Nirmala (Mahi Gill) and they want to get married. But Nirmala’s father (Tinnu Anand) will hear nothing of it coz Sr. Pandey wants a huge amount in dowry. So he asks Makkhi to first sort out his differences with papa dear. As luck would have it, Makkhi gets his hands on big brother’s cupboard keys and promptly steals the money, gets cot by mummy in the process, but with no choice, keeps the money. As all of this is going on, CB has already gone bonkers over Rajo (the oh so gorgeous Sonakshi Sinha).

Yes it is true… what the promos are calling out… He is back this Eid… And he is back with Dabangg!!!! An amazingly cheesy movie with absolutely nothing new in the story. And yet the crowds go gaga and were whistling and cat calling through the little over 2 hours that first time director Abhinav Kashyap dishes out. A repeat of Wanted from last Eid. But this one is kind of pale in comparison. Sallu Bhai retains his pivotal role and brilliant dialogues which take some time to grow on you. So if you are not a fan of the movies such as Wanted then avoid Dabangg like the plague. But seriously…. Why would you not be a fan of movies such as Wanted would be difficult for me to comprehend. To give you a flavor of some of the viginettes - , “Varna Chhedi Singh hum tum mein itni chhed karenge ki conphuse ho jaaoge ki saans kahan se le rahe ho aur paad kahaan se rahe ho”!!!! No one can beat Sallu Bhai in a role like this one. With all due respect to Rajni Sir and our younger gentlemen friends sprinkled South of the Vindhyas.

I personally thought, Abhinav Kashyap’s direction was pretty good and he makes the cut. The action sequences were good but finished just a bit tackily like they do in the movies that come out of Ramoji Film City. He does his best to get whatever he can out of yet another debutante in Sonakshi Sinha who I am not sure can act. That she barely had a role didn’t help. Also under strict instructions from Papa dear there was not much skin showing. But who says u have to show skin to look sexy???? On that count, I am glad to inform that we have a sizzler on our hands folks. The rest of the cast is pretty much relegated to the back seat. The music is quite good with a guarantee that “Munni Badnaam” will be playing through the year @ discos and is definitely part of the new years eve list. Signing off with a big Thank You to Sallu Bhai for giving us yet another entertainer. I am giving this 5 on 10 purely because as a movie there were way too many gaps. But out of personal choice - SUPER HIT HAI BHAI… I would not mind seeing Dabangg again…. Anyone game????