Bajirao Mastani (Hindi) (2015)

At the outset, let us first tip our hat or in fact give a standing ovation to a few people involved in Bajirao Mastani.  Fistly – Sriram Kannan Iyengar, Sujeet Subhash Sawant, Yantra Design Studio and Saloni Ankush Dhatrak for some breathtaking Production Design – probably the best we have seen since Mughal-e-Azam!!!

Ungli

Rensil D’Silva’s latest and much awaited movie has been in the press for all the right reasons.  The right promotional bursts followed by a tinge of controversy thanks to the use of the much maligned middle finger.  Cutting the use of the dreaded finger twice got it a U/A certificate and a Friday morning reception that was slightly better than some big banner movies.

Jai Ho

What do you expect in a Salman Khan movie? If this question was asked of a focus group, one answer would always be a shirtless fight sequence and in the climax of Jai Ho, the audience was chanting, “Shirt Utaar! Shirt Utaar! Shirt Utaar!” and our hero gladly complies in a matter of a few seconds.  Totally awesome!!!

Rajjo

So Vishwas Patil is a debutante director.  Yet another one.  Sigh.  But 2 things make it worse.  The photograph of Shri Vishwas Patil doesn’t indicated in any manner that he is a day younger than 40.  And so the question pops up – has he directed, say Marathi cinema and this is a first in Bollywood? Which brings us to the 2^nd thing that makes it worse – here is yet another director who believes he can dish out anything and get away with it.

Shootout at Wadala

Manohar Arjun Surve (John Abraham) scored 78% in his graduation exams in 1970.  At that point in time, it would have been stunning and would have put him at the top of his class.  But the Mumbai police had slightly different plans for the body builder from Dadar thanks to his involvement in a murder that his brother committed.

Himmatwala (2013)

I request the film fraternity to seriously consider some stringent rules for remakes.  There is an effort that has been put in by someone and that effort should be respected.  Creative liberty and freedom doesn’t mean that you can convert the effort from anyone into a piece of crap work.  Sajid Khan has done exactly that with K. Raghavendra Rao.

Mumbai Mirror

 OK it is time for honesty.  I was pissing in my pants before I walked into the hall that was screening Mumbai Mirror.  I mean, have you seen Sachiin Joshi and the way he is looking at you on the poster???? I dare you to look at him once again.  For the benefit of those who haven’t seen the poster, I have added it to the blog.  Take a look.  Go on.  It is scarier than Gabbar Singh.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Lalbaug Parel

Not too many movies have been made on a topic that should have actually been very near and dear to a certain segment of Mumbaikars. In fact, you could count the number of movies on one hand. Rather surprising considering that the subject is something that many a person from this city owes their current existence to.

One that would not have seen the light of the day had a certain Dr. Datta Samant succeeded in getting what he wanted for the textile mill workers around 30 years back. A time when most mills in the city started shutting shop in favour of getting into the real estate business.

One such mill forms the backdrop of Lalbaug Parel. Khaitan Mills is owned by the namesake and run by his son-in-law, Mahendra (Sameer Dharmadhikari) who can put most slime balls to shame. While the logic behind the closure could not be questioned, methods and the treatment meted out to most of the mill workers was far from being in line with Human Rights to say the least.

One such family is the Dhuri family where the father (Shashank Shende) is your atypical mill worker who works in the day and has a peg or 2 in the night. A bulk of the work at home, in fact all of it, is done by the wife (Seema Biswas). 4 grown up children @ home – Anand (Ankush Choudhary), Mohan (Vineet Kumar), Naru (Karan Patel) and Manju (Veena Jamkar) are also struggling.

The story tracks the lives of each of the characters as the mill workers go on strike. Manju’s relationship with the local shop owner’s son; Anand’s struggle to write a play in the loud circumstances of the Laxmi Chawl; Naru’s rise from being a local thug to a contract killer for the underworld; Mohan’s relationship with Mrs. Sawardekar (Kashmera Shah).

In the attempt to show truth behind Mumbai’s most unfair story, Mahesh Manjrekar has given us a very depressing story. In addition, I firmly believe he has gone over the top in many sequences. There are also unnecessary aspects to the movie like Kashmera Shah’s wardrobe which seems most out of place.

The use of Bollywood actors over probably more talented Maharashtrian actors is also a gap that I saw. Add to this the excess number of characters. Nearly 15 of them. Just too many to do justice to each one. Very few directors could have

While the story is sensitive and touches upon a topic that I would like to see more of, I personally felt it was a tad overdone. With the right cuts and fine tuning on the unnecessary aspect, we could have had a winner on our hands. Instead we have a movie that is watchable. Good. Not great. 7 on 10.

Trailer on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TrJU9SJ6hM

OMG! Oh My God!

If the net is to be believed, then Umesh Shukla, the director of OMG! Oh My God! is also the writer of the play – Kanji Viruddh Kanji (Kanji v/s Kanji). That’s a significant amount of credit to the man I must say. Not sure if he came up with the concept himself because in 2001, there was a Hollywood movie starring Billy Connely and directed by Mark Joffe called The Man Who Sued God.

Chances are that he was inspired by the Hollywood flick. But mind you, I have nothing against inspiration – provided the inspiration was translated well. And Umesh Shukla does a fine job with the screenplay for OMG – yep; it would seem he has written and directed the movie. With a little help from one Bhavesh Mandalia as well. Most of the dialogues are simple and high impact dialogues.

2 of them stand out more than the others. One when Om Puri tells Kanji Bhai, “Mazhab Insaanon ke liye banta hai. Mazhab ke liye insaan nahin bante” (Religion is made for man. Not the other way round). And the killer one is the star of the show – Mithun Da – when he tells Kanji Bhai towards the end, “Aastha, Shraddha, sab hafeem ki nashe ki tarah hai. Aasaani se nahin chhoot ti hai. Because these people are not god loving. They are God Fearing people” (Faith is like an addiction. It is not easy to give it up).

For those, who are unaware of the story, OMG! – as the name of the Hollywood movie suggests, is about a man who decides to sue the man upstairs. Kanji Bhai (Paresh Rawal) is a non believer in religion and idol worship – perceived by most people as an atheist. When a small quake hits the city, surprisingly, only his store is razed to the ground. The insurance company says they cannot reimburse him, because it is “AN ACT OF GOD”. Kanji Bhai decides that his only option is to take God – to court.

OMG is kept alive thanks to some stunning performances by the old guard of Indian Cinema. Paresh Rawal is so supremely convincing in his role of Kanji Bhai that one would be fair to assume that he was convinced about the concept. Om Puri – albeit in a brief role – was solid. But to me, the piece de resistance was the quiet (very few dialogues) performance from the Disco Dancer himself. Mithun Da shows why most of us believe that his performance 40 years back in Mrigaya was not a one off. Stunning!!!

Despite the loose inspiration from Ghost Rider and some obvious gaffes like everyone on the football ground wearing David Villa T Shirts, I still thought OMG was well made. What I liked about OMG was the message of belief in supreme being but not by making a business out of it. A message which the audience seemed to enjoy – but I am afraid will be quickly forgotten once people leave the hall. I am hoping against hope that I am wrong. 7 on 10 and a strong possibility of a support actor award for Mithun Da.

Watch the trailer on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyQAFhBv4Ts

Bodyguard

Eid Mubarak to one and all and much like previous times, the much awaited Eid release starring Salman Khan is out today. And I obviously had to ensure that I catch up with it at the earliest but this time around I had the misfortune of watching the movie in a really cramped PVR screen 4 at Ambience Mall Gurgaon. And that too from the 3rd row. Sorry about that Renu and thanks for patiently sitting through what turned out to be the least entertaining of the previous 3 Salman Khan flicks that released on Eid. There was a joke that has been doing its rounds over the past few days. 2009 – IPS Officer; 2010 – Inspector; 2011 – Bodyguard; 2012 – Chowkidaar?; 2013 – Chaprasi? Has Salman come to the end of his winning streak so to speak which started with Wanted that I would have easily rated as a 5 on 10 if not more. Dabangg was not a great movie from a perspective of quality of movie making but it was 100% entertainment to say the least. I had given it a 4 on 10 but also a 10 on 10 on pure entertainment value. Bodyguard sees Salman getting down to the abyss from a perspective of quality of movies over the past few years. One can only hope that the positive is – you can only get better from here. Only time will tell.

Bodyguard definitely gives the die hard Salman Khan fan and all the women in the house a lot to cheer about and drool over respectively. There are the magical Salman moments that can only be described as simply stunning & outstanding to say the least. The burst of water from a pipe that sprays itself with utmost force onto Salman’s torso forcing the buttons of his tight black uniform open – actually sending the buttons flying all over the place – and the shirt in itself is forced off those rippling muscles (at age 46 mind you) and onto to face of his villain who has to really put in some effort and goes by the name of Aditya Panscholi. An act that can be pulled off only by Salman and no one else (apologies to Rajani Saar but we are talking about Bollywood here). And then there is the most kick ass of all dialogues – Mujhpe Ek Ehsaan Karna… Ke mujhpe koi ehsaan na karna (Do me just one favour… that you don’t do me any favours). Just that the best Salman dialogue in this movie pales in comparison to – Ek baar mein commitment kar deta hoon toh mein apne aap ki bhi nahin suntan (once I have made a commitment then I don’t even listen to myself).

That there are a dime a dozen cheap dialogues thrown in by the ridiculously fat new comer Rajat Rawail who plays the role of Tsunami do nothing to add value to the movie is just one of the low points. These dialogues not only dilute the punch that Salman carries all the way through to the end. Performances from anyone else just don’t come upto the level that he has. Kareena will prove to be just well dressed eye candy to most people who are her fans but to those who aren’t fans like this writer it is just one painful scene after the other. The music by Himes bhai (Himmesh Reshammiya – with all the m’s in the world) is decent but not one of his better works. Overall, you will struggle through Bodyguard and will survive if you are a Salman fan. And of course Katrina looks heavenly in the 2 minutes that she comes on screen. 3 on 10 overall.

The trailer can be viewed on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoF4OJkWH3U

Ready

Before you go to watch Ready, please follow the steps as under
1. Open Skull
2. Carefully pull out brain – make sure you don’t damage anything else the purpose of saving the brain from trauma would be defeated.
3. Now, place brain in a bowl of ice cold water and leave it in freezer for the next few hours
Now that you have no sense of pain or pleasure or excitement or humour, you are in the perfect situation to watch one of the most brainless pieces of work that Bollywood could have given to you. This one takes the cake and makes David Dhawan look like an Oscar winning director. This freak of nature has taken slapstick and cheap comedy to a completely different level. And what is shocking is that the audiences are loving it and lapping it up. Every single piece of crap that is dished out from his table seems to be going so well with the audiences that his sense of false self belief is getting bloated beyond recognition and repair. And no we aren’t talking about Salman Khan who was probably the only saving grace in Ready other than Paresh Rawal. We are talking about this phenomenon (what else can you call him) called Anees Bazmee!!!! Its truly ridiculous that someone like Bazmee can get away with all the bull shit that he dishes out. But as I said – the audiences are loving it to say the least :’(:’(:’(:’( Other than the 4 of us who had braved the Saturday rains in Mumbai to watch the 2250 show (and I was doing this after watching 5 decent movies before), everyone else seemed to be having a stupendous time. Maybe they followed my instructions to the T and were informed earlier by someone else.

Prem (Salman Khan – for the nth time being called Prem) is a Chartered Accountant (can you believe that!!!!). But wait… there has to be a twist right. He is based in Bangkok – wonder whose accounts he was balancing there??? He is the sole heir to millions (of Bahts I am assuming) owned by his father Ram (Mahesh Manjrekar) and his uncles Laxman (Manoj Pahwa) and Bharat (Manoj Joshi). But the families have given up on him per se thanks to his mischevious ways. His favourite pastime is to get single girls hitched with the guys of their dreams – especially if the single girls are hot and happen to be the neighbour’s daughter – AAAARGH!!!!! But the folks finally manage to get him to consider a girl recommended by the family Baba. A chick coming in from the US. And heres is where the 2nd and ultimate twist happens of a girl exchange. Instead of a certain Pooja who no one in the family but the Baba has seen, Sanjana (Asin) lands up taking her place. Chaos and of course love happens soon enough. And yes… a tuk tuck chase is thrown in as garnish

None of my closing comments will save you from the torture that you will go through. Although I don’t owe any apologies to Sheena, Hersh and Vivek because they willingly accepted the proposition of going through this mindless piece of crap, I believe I still will apologize to them because I came up with the idea. What prevented me from watching Hangover 2 I will never know – wait of course I know – the 3 of them had already seen it :’(:’(:’(. The positives however include some foot tapping music and some extremely cocky dialogue delivery from Salman. For e.g. “Is duniya mein 3 cheezon ko kabhi underestimate mat karna – I, Me and Myself” (For the non educated in Hindi – Never underestimate 3 things in life – I, Me and Myself!!!) AAARGH ^ infinity. 2 on 10 for the above 2 points and some decent comic timing in patches from Paresh Rawal (more out of respect).

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACvDgKuTxnA

Lamhaa – The Untold Story of Kashmir

“The biggest casualty of war is the innocent” – This statement kind of personifies the intent that the director had to give “The Untold Story of Kashmir”. But neither does he give us something that was untold but also keeps us waiting for the essence of the message to come through strongly. Yes there is an attempt to get the message across but Rahul Dholakia comes up short. Surprising that this is the same guy who gave us Parzania which was far more hard hitting and true to reality.


Mohd Hussain Rauf (Yashpal Sharma) is an undercover ISI officer in India who works closely with Brigadier Sharma from the Indian Army known to be a corrupt guy but no proof for the same. The key to their success is Samar Singh a power broker.

In an attempt to break their nexus, Col. Kapoor (Vipin Sharma) calls for Vikram Sabharwal (an extremely ragged 50 year old Sanjay Dutt )– an agent from outside i.e. outside of Kashmir returning after 18 yrs. Then current year is shown as 2009 and past is shown as 1989. Then Dear Mr. Dholakia, mathematically it is 20 right? Anyways… about 20 years back is when the leader of Azaad Kashmir movement Mir Owais Ansari was shot dead following which almost every male Kashmiri for interrogation. Thousands of such Kashmiri men disappeared sometime in the early 90s. Kashmiri Pandits left kashmir and no one tried to stop them. People had taken to arms. Sabharwal now makes his way back into the valley undercover as Gul Jahangir. No one knows about him and what do you know… no one can find out either 

People for Kashmiri Freedom is an organization led by Haji Syed Shah (Anupam Kher) who took over the reins after Mir Ansari’s death and adopted his only daughter Aziza Ansari (Bipasha Basu). Aziza is romantically involved with Aatif (Kunal Kapoor), one of the key members of PKF but is expelled due to his aversion to arms and wanting to make a difference without involving external militant entities like the Lashkar e Toiba. Aziza also is a key member of the Fatima Squad, a bunch of burkha clad women who like to take action against any societal atrocities.

Aziza starts rubbing the seniors @ PKF the wrong way when she inadvertently uncovers a sex scandal that involves someone senior from the PKF

Things take a slightly nasty turn when a 17th attempt is made on his life. But this time under the watchful eyes of Jahangir who smells a fish and takes to investigating it. Haji’s right hand man is Pervez (Yuri Suri) who seems to be like the fish. He poses as Yusuf Khan (now I am going to lose track of who he is… Sabharwal, Jahangir or Khan) and recovers a CCTV footage of the blast (wonder how it survived the blast in the first place). His investigations slowly lead him to Anwar who is the guy responsible for the blast and then eventually to the fish (Pervez… in case u have lost track of the review by now). But Sabharwal’s mission has just started. There is more to come and he needs to figure out what the root cause of the problem is.

There are several attempts from the director to try and paint a sentimental picture. He tries to do that through a village cornily called Dardpura which has half widows (who don’t know whether their husbands are alive or dead). Through a scene where Sabharwal wakes up to see a kid play with bullet shells instead o marbles. Through a bunch of kids screaming “Ai Ai Lashkar Ai - Bharat Teri Maut Ai”. But none of these scenes have any amount of intensity in them.

There are a whole host of corny dialogues – “God made Heaven. Man created Hell. This is the story of Kashmir” OR “Aakhon mein gussa har kashmiri ko virasat mein milta hai” OR “Aaj hamari identity I card banke reh gayi hai”. Mr. Dholakia – I refuse to believe that you made Parzania.

Several editing flaws and consistency flaws and sound editing flaws dot the movie. I have no clue why Sanjay Dutt needs to have a swagger in a movie that is oriented around Kashmir. Completely gets the seriousness out of the movie. Bipasha speaking Urdu… well the lesser said about it the better. Kunal Kapoor does not have even a % of intensity that he showed in Rang De Basanti. Performances are insipid all around. Wouldn’t highly recommend Lamhaa. Its at best a 3 on 10 for just the effort of putting it together.