Noor (Hindi) (2017)

A mic was thrust upon my face by a couple of rank rookies – much like Noor, in the movie – who were obviously asked to survey people who had watched the first day first show of Noor.  It was a first for me and I was caught off guard and all I could muster is, “Theek Thha”.  Eh? Your 15 seconds of fame and all you could do was say “Theek Thha”???

All is Well (2015) (Hindi)

I have started writing this review a little after the interval of All Is Well. It will definitely be one of the corniest lines I have ever written in over 5 years of reviewing but I am at a loss of words as of now. All is definitely not well. There. I have said it.

Tevar

Tevariffic is what the campaign building up to the movie said.  A nice play on words and a decent campaign leading up to a decent movie.  But barely there.  If there was any way to pay tribute to Bollywood to begin a fresh year, Tevar is exactly the way it should be.  Music, Masala, Action, Drama – almost everything that you could expect from B-town and all reasonably packaged.

Action Jackson (2014) (Hindi)

There is a point in time towards the end of Action Jackson (we shall call it AJ here on forth) where Khushi (Sonakshi Sinha) apologises to Jay (Ajay Devgn) for a misunderstanding and tells him that she misses Vishy (Ajay Devgn). The movie instantly cuts to “Chichhora Piya”.

It was at this time that a section of the audience at the preview show broke into a loud laugh.  The pent up frustration over nearly 2 hours had exploded.  The rest of the 30 minutes was a breeze in comparison to the excruciating pain that Prabhu Deva and his writers (Shiraz Ahmed & A C Mughil) had put us through.

It took 2 hours for the audience to actually realize that the intent was to make a comedy and not an action movie.  We were all idiots to have expected something different.  We had expected India’s Michael Jackson to deliver an all-out quality action flick.  How could we have done that?

We had experienced Ramaiyya Vastavaiya and R… Rajkumar last year right? So we were the guilty party here. So the secret to sustain Action Jackson and most of all a certain Musa (Kunaal Roy Kapur) is to just laugh at everything that comes up on screen.

It is of course funny to see Sev Puris being carried by Musa on a bike in a manner that the Puris fly towards the biker that’s following.  Not surprising at all that the biker is from Gemini Circus and manages to land each one of them right into his mouth.  He of course asks for water after all of it.

It is of course hilarious to watch Ajay Devgn dance (or should we say attempt to dance).  It is of course comic to see goons dressed in shoddy red suits getting thrashed and of course quartered.  The quartering is thanks to the Samurai sword that is hugely successful in making a clean cut across AJ’s suit but of course doesn’t nick him one bit in the process.

If that doesn’t make you laugh your guts off (and mind you I am being extremely sarcastic – lest someone takes me seriously) then the point where Marina (Manasvi Mamgai) has just skewered Musa (Thank God for that!!! – makes you love Marina).  She leans over into his ear and says, “Where is AJ.  I miss him.  It has been months”!!!!

There are of course shady dialogues like “Singham se Chingam bana diya”.  But the piece de resistance has to be when AJ and Don Xavier (Anand Raj) come face to face in profile with Pink Floyd’s cover as a precursor.  Exceptional Prabudeva sir!!! Sensational indeed!!! What creativity!!!

The saving grace for AJ are a couple of shots during the action sequences (something that used to be Prabhudeva’s forte but apparently it has deserted him).  There is of course Himes Bhai’s music that is foot tapping and hummable as always.  Will be played at discos for a while.  2 on 10 only for these 2 points.

Watch the trailer at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YubQzbzGHps

Holiday – A Soldier Is Never Off Duty (Hindi) (2014)

Celebrated South Indian filmmaker A R Murugadoss (Ghajini), has cracked the secret of maximizing revenues from a story / film.  First make it in Tamil with a superstar like Vijay.  The audience will lap it up because the story really doesn’t matter in Amma Land.  A couple of years later, remake it in Hindi because of late, aspects that make good cinematic sense apparently don’t matter to Bollywood either.

R... Rajkumar

I have always been a fan of Prabhu Dheva's work primarily because he is committed to the genre of masala movies. Committed to the extent that he has chosen to do high quality work in this field. I was amongst the few who really liked the way Rowdy Rathod was executed. The attention to detail, the consistency of script, keeping it larger than life and yet very grounded, usage of right doses of good quality humour - all hallmarks of a good PD movie.

Bullett Raja

Tigmanshu Dhulia is associated with hard hitting intense movies that have really solid dialogues and more importantly a really solid story.  Bullett Raja ticks most of the boxes but at the end of the day it is nothing we haven’t seen before.  The narration, the overall feel of the story, the performances and even the music had “seen that” written all over it from frame 1 (technically frame 1 + 10 mins coz I came in late) to finish.

Once Upon Ay Time In Mumbai Dobaara!

When I first saw the trailer of “Once Upon Ay Time in Mumbai Dobaraa!”, the A was just A and not Ay.  There was no “!”.  It was “again” and not “Dobaraa”.  Surely there were some consultations held behind closed doors to make so many changes to the name.  A pity it didn’t work out too well.  They could have well saved the numerology fees.

Lootera

O Henry’s stories have been an inspiration for many a story on screen.  Closer to home, Raincoat (Aishwarya Rai, Ajay Devgn) was an adaptation of “Gift of the Magi”.  Only a matter of time before another one was used as inspiration.  This time around it is the turn of “The Last Leaf”.  Vikramaditya Motwane pays homage to O Henry with his adaptation of this classic short – with a little bit of Indian spice thrown in for taste.

Dabanng 2

Did you know that in a Zeus phone you can play songs and the package includes a camera as well? And did you know that in that phone, you cannot figure out that your own son is calling you to poke fun by pretending to be a woman who is cheating on her husband.

And did you know that the only way to be Dabanng other than being Salman Khan is to buy a Suzuki Hayate? Did you also know that you need to buy insurance to keep the future of your family safe? In fact, you can buy insurance products where you will earn continuously after death as well.

Did you also know that Hajmola is the best cure for an upset stomach? And that you could have more Hajmola to cure an upset stomach because of having too much Hajmola. And lets not forget www.xoom.com. That’s the latest word in money transfer. It gets your money across to your loved ones within 24 hours!!! WOW!!! I mean how cool is that? 24 hours??? Who could have thought of that???

Lastly, did you know that it takes a few weeks for Makkhi Singh (Arbaaz Khan) to figure out it was he who came back from the jungle. Oh come on!!! What am I ranting about? Maybe it is just my frustration and disappointment with all the irrelevant crap that I was put through for over 2 hours!!! Thankfully it was just a little over 2 hours but the 40 mins for ads and fillers also contributed

By now you would have figured out that there is very little to speak about in Dabanng 2. I know sequels are difficult to make and especially if you do not have the same director (Abhinav Singh Kashyap). But in case of Dabanng 2, it didn’t matter much. Arbaaz was as bad. Actually he was probably a bit better also. But that could not compensate for an absolutely stale story.

There was a title song, a street romaans (romance) song, a song in Dubai, a song with cops getting drunk and an item song. All by Sajid Wajid. Al sounded near identical if not actually identical. There were a few fight scenes. Actually lesser that Dabanng. And this time they weren’t even believable. Either ways, I should not have expected too much. Disappointing. It will do well but nowhere close to Dabanng. 3 on 10.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nPN1M9zVcI

Son of Sardaar

And after a painful start at the movies to Diwali, I moved from Screen 4 to Screen 2 @ PVR Mulund for the 1305 show of Son of Sardar. By this time, I was quite certain that it would be a “Dud Diwali” @ the Box Office in terms of quality of movies. But in terms of collections, the cash counters would ring in like most Diwalis to date. I must say that I was hoping against hope when I walked into screen 2. My hopes were going to be ill placed once again.

You are all aware of my aversion to slapstick comedy. And Ajay Devgn seems to be taking to that genre quite seriously. Salman Khan and Sanjay Dutt had already made themselves comfortable here and to see 3 of these on the same screen was probably my worst nightmare coming true. The only other person missing who would have completed the horror would have been AK. Thank God for small mercies. Thank God once again that Salman makes his presence felt only for about 30 seconds in all.

The Randhawa and The Sandhu families are at each other’s throats for a while and just the smallest of sparks sets off a blood bath of epic proportions. Enough for the surviving mother to send her child off to Rani Ka Des (The Queen’s Country). Many moons later, Jaswinder aka Jassi (Devgn) gets a notice from the government (wonder how they got his address) that he has received land worth Rs.50 lacs as part of a will (wonder whose?). So he has to get back home and claim it.

Of course, before he leaves, he is briefed about the long standing family fued. A fued that has left Shri Billu Sandhu (Sanjay Dutt) unmarried to Parminder (Juhi Chawla) for the past 25 years – some vow about not getting married till the last of the Randhawas are turned to ash (what is with this Diwali and promises to God and sundry???).

Along with Billu are his cousins who have promised not to have ice cream and Coca-Cola respectively – erm? But somehow Jassi finds his way into their house and conveniently refuses to leave. And the Sandhus don’t kill anyone within the four walls of their house. A matter of principle. So we need to wait for over 2 hours to figure out what will happen at the end of all this crap.

In between you have to sustain a barrage of slapstick dialogues. Lets give you a flavor of some of them.
1. Mein waapas nahin jaoonga. Wahan pe log mujhe “Hindustan Lever” bulayenge. (I will not go back. They will call me “Hindustan Lever” when I return)
2. Power waale chashmey aur Billu ki kasmey, ek baar chadh jaati hai to utarti nahin. (Powered glasses and Billu’s promises cannot be changed – apologies for the crude translation)
3. Yeh Real hai? Nahin ji yeh NaReal (Nariyal - coconut) hai (No translations for this one. I just cannot come close to what it means).
If you enjoyed this sneak peak, then there are 30 or more such absurb one liners waiting for you. You will love whats in store. I have not shared some of the more atrocious ones in this forum. Lest, I lose a few followers.

If you ask me whether SOS is better or JTHJ, I would go with the latter because it is the better of both evils – but that’s because I don’t like slapstick. If you want some mindless fun to ensure that your Diwali is not ruined by a fake Yash Chopra movie then SOS it should be. Either ways both rank a lowly 3 on 10 on my rating scale. A “Dud Diwali” indeed. After RA One last year – expected much better.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOlcpr7qEv4

OMG! Oh My God!

If the net is to be believed, then Umesh Shukla, the director of OMG! Oh My God! is also the writer of the play – Kanji Viruddh Kanji (Kanji v/s Kanji). That’s a significant amount of credit to the man I must say. Not sure if he came up with the concept himself because in 2001, there was a Hollywood movie starring Billy Connely and directed by Mark Joffe called The Man Who Sued God.

Chances are that he was inspired by the Hollywood flick. But mind you, I have nothing against inspiration – provided the inspiration was translated well. And Umesh Shukla does a fine job with the screenplay for OMG – yep; it would seem he has written and directed the movie. With a little help from one Bhavesh Mandalia as well. Most of the dialogues are simple and high impact dialogues.

2 of them stand out more than the others. One when Om Puri tells Kanji Bhai, “Mazhab Insaanon ke liye banta hai. Mazhab ke liye insaan nahin bante” (Religion is made for man. Not the other way round). And the killer one is the star of the show – Mithun Da – when he tells Kanji Bhai towards the end, “Aastha, Shraddha, sab hafeem ki nashe ki tarah hai. Aasaani se nahin chhoot ti hai. Because these people are not god loving. They are God Fearing people” (Faith is like an addiction. It is not easy to give it up).

For those, who are unaware of the story, OMG! – as the name of the Hollywood movie suggests, is about a man who decides to sue the man upstairs. Kanji Bhai (Paresh Rawal) is a non believer in religion and idol worship – perceived by most people as an atheist. When a small quake hits the city, surprisingly, only his store is razed to the ground. The insurance company says they cannot reimburse him, because it is “AN ACT OF GOD”. Kanji Bhai decides that his only option is to take God – to court.

OMG is kept alive thanks to some stunning performances by the old guard of Indian Cinema. Paresh Rawal is so supremely convincing in his role of Kanji Bhai that one would be fair to assume that he was convinced about the concept. Om Puri – albeit in a brief role – was solid. But to me, the piece de resistance was the quiet (very few dialogues) performance from the Disco Dancer himself. Mithun Da shows why most of us believe that his performance 40 years back in Mrigaya was not a one off. Stunning!!!

Despite the loose inspiration from Ghost Rider and some obvious gaffes like everyone on the football ground wearing David Villa T Shirts, I still thought OMG was well made. What I liked about OMG was the message of belief in supreme being but not by making a business out of it. A message which the audience seemed to enjoy – but I am afraid will be quickly forgotten once people leave the hall. I am hoping against hope that I am wrong. 7 on 10 and a strong possibility of a support actor award for Mithun Da.

Watch the trailer on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyQAFhBv4Ts

Joker (2012 Hindi)

Last Friday (31st Aug 2012), we had a lot of work aligned and a very exciting day planned in store. It was my girl friend’s birthday and I had been planning a surprise party for quite a while. Over a week at least if memory serves me right. And helping me out with it was a very close friend Prachi Tiwari – who unlike me is already gainfully unemployed (I will be joining that band wagon quite soon). She was the first person I could think of and boy does it help to have some assistance when you are planning a surprise party.

True to her reputation Ms. Tiwari did a fabulous job of organizing for the party and was ably assisted by Shri Hersh Kathuria and Shri Pruthviraj Patil who assigned the chores of arranging for the food and getting a whole bunch of stuff for the party. The list of things that Pruthvi organized for – on the fly – included exotic stuff like wine glasses (which were never used eventually :p) and not so exotic stuff like milk and elaichi. But thanks to their timely intervention, the food was well taken care of.

I cant even begin to tell you how fortunate I am to have a bunch of complete buffoons as friends. Miraculously, all of them – except the younger ones (read Nikhil, Purnima, Sumantra and Deby) came in well on time. And if it hadn’t been for some gel nail polish which took about 30 minutes longer than normal and 250 bucks to remove we somehow managed to retain the surprise element when we got back home @ 2115 hrs.

We also played host to 2 of Prarthana’s closest friends – Shwetal and Anshu. Both of them made it with family in tow which was kind of risky considering the buffoon friends I referred to in the previous paragraph. I must tip my hat to their openness because they had absolutely no clue to the riot that we are capable of being once we have a little bit of blood in our alcohol stream we can be a senseless riot. And a senseless riot we were.

An hour and the term “Rock the party” was getting to be as real as the maker of the phrase intended it to be. There were drinks being mixed. Candles being blown out. Cakes being cut. Cakes being smeared on the birthday girl’s face. Cult tales from Café Mondegar’s being recalled. Some more drinks being mixed. Bouncers (read Pruthvi and Eddy) getting drunk…. Hey wait a minute… I thought this was a review for Joker isn’t it? Never mind… our party was more exciting by many country miles. 8 on 10 for the party (and we have had better). We have our first 1 on 10 for the year folks!!!

Watch the trailer on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrbKp5N74zE

Rowdy Rathore

How many movies do you know that has most songs which are foot tapping to say the least. And also have an item number with 3 item girls….yes… not 1, not 2 but 3 item girls. And in one song!!!! And 3 hot looking ones at that – Mumait Khan, Maryam Zakaria and Shakti Mohan.

How many movies do you know which not only had the music as above but also had a lead actor in a double role. Yes!!! As if one Akshay Kumar was not enough. We have 2 Akshay Kumars!!!! And not only all that but also improves your vocabulary with words such as “Lapadjhandi” (now don’t ask me what that means).

How many movies do you know that have all of the above mixed with an absolute masala story line that involves a thief called Shiva (AK1) who is a spitting image of an inspector called Vikram Rathore (AK2). Rathore has been killed trying to save a village from the clutches of a goon (Nasser) but one of the villagers sees Shiva in Mumbai city and informs the goon that Rathore is still alive. The chase then begins.

How many movies do you know that have all of the above and have an extremely solid dose of brilliant action. The sequences (action ones) are choreographed extremely well in true South Indian style that sees the bad men flying through the air with just one kick from the hero. That sees the use of some of the most exotic weapons which have ever been used in Indian cinema.

How many movies do you know that have all of the above and have actually been made in 4 languages before Bollywood caught up with it? In fact Bollywood could catch up only after the Hindi dubbing called PRATIGHAT - A REVENGE. The Telugu film, VIKRAMARKUDU, was also made in Tamil as SIRUTHAI, in Kannada as VEERA MADAKARI and in Bengali as BIKRAM SINGHA: THE LION IS BACK.

And how many such masala movies do you know which were produced by Sanjay Leela Bhansali and directed by PrabhuDeva? That more or less zeroes down on what makes Rowdy Rathore not just unique but one of the better made movies in recent times. My respect for Prabhudeva as a director has gone up manifold because most of the times, directors forget that finishing is an extremely crucial aspect of movie making. So what if it was a masala movie. And Prabhudeva scores full points there.

Music by Sajid Wajid & Sandeep Chowtha background score are the icing on the cake. Watch Rowdy Rathore because you like complete masala movies. But you will like it because it has been well made indeed. 6 on 10 as a movie. 8 on 10 for full entertainment. Worth a dekko.

Trailer on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCAcU3p9GNo

Dabangg

Whenever I see a Salman Khan movie, I am reminded of my time in Chennai for a couple of years. 1998 Diwali saw the release of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. What I wasn’t expecting though is the reaction that the crowd gave to the entry of Salman. The only other time that I have seen such adulation for any actor in Chennai would obviously involve “Rajni mera god, rajni mera bhagavan, rajni mera sab kuch”. I was seriously surprised that the PVR Mulund crowd turned out to be very well behaved with just a little bit of whistling and cat calls when Chulbul a.k.a. Robin Hood Pandey (Salman Khan) makes his appearance sporting an absolutely fabulous new look which most people that I have spoken to have liked. Yes Salman, the verdict on the pencil moustache is that you must keep it on… at least for a while.

Anyways, getting to the story. Chulbul and Makkhi Pandey are step brothers. Prajapati Pandey (Vinod Khanna) and Naini (Dimple Kapadia) get married when she loses her husband and is left with a 2 year old son – Chulbul….. yes you can laugh your guts out at this stage itself…. I mean parents would have really hated their kids to name them Chulbul and Makkhi!!!!! Nevertheless, CB grows up under the shadow of a step father with no bonding whatsoever and swears that he will make it his mission in life to be more respected that either of them when he grows up. 21 years later, we find CB chasing down a bunch of dacoits who have just looted a bank. In the ensuing fight, he gets the money back but decides to keep it with himself (don’t ask why OR how). Turns out that the money belongs to Chhedi Singh (Sonu Sood) and Mr. Dacoit was part of his band of goons collecting funds for the upcoming elections. CB, however, refuses to pay obeisance to Chhedi and a delectable rivalry develops.

In the meantime Makhanlal b.k.a. (“better known as” for the not so logical ) Makkhi (Arbaaz Khan) has grown up to still disappoint his father and continues to be good for nothing. How he manages to find himself a woman is beyond me but he is romantically involved with Nirmala (Mahi Gill) and they want to get married. But Nirmala’s father (Tinnu Anand) will hear nothing of it coz Sr. Pandey wants a huge amount in dowry. So he asks Makkhi to first sort out his differences with papa dear. As luck would have it, Makkhi gets his hands on big brother’s cupboard keys and promptly steals the money, gets cot by mummy in the process, but with no choice, keeps the money. As all of this is going on, CB has already gone bonkers over Rajo (the oh so gorgeous Sonakshi Sinha).

Yes it is true… what the promos are calling out… He is back this Eid… And he is back with Dabangg!!!! An amazingly cheesy movie with absolutely nothing new in the story. And yet the crowds go gaga and were whistling and cat calling through the little over 2 hours that first time director Abhinav Kashyap dishes out. A repeat of Wanted from last Eid. But this one is kind of pale in comparison. Sallu Bhai retains his pivotal role and brilliant dialogues which take some time to grow on you. So if you are not a fan of the movies such as Wanted then avoid Dabangg like the plague. But seriously…. Why would you not be a fan of movies such as Wanted would be difficult for me to comprehend. To give you a flavor of some of the viginettes - , “Varna Chhedi Singh hum tum mein itni chhed karenge ki conphuse ho jaaoge ki saans kahan se le rahe ho aur paad kahaan se rahe ho”!!!! No one can beat Sallu Bhai in a role like this one. With all due respect to Rajni Sir and our younger gentlemen friends sprinkled South of the Vindhyas.

I personally thought, Abhinav Kashyap’s direction was pretty good and he makes the cut. The action sequences were good but finished just a bit tackily like they do in the movies that come out of Ramoji Film City. He does his best to get whatever he can out of yet another debutante in Sonakshi Sinha who I am not sure can act. That she barely had a role didn’t help. Also under strict instructions from Papa dear there was not much skin showing. But who says u have to show skin to look sexy???? On that count, I am glad to inform that we have a sizzler on our hands folks. The rest of the cast is pretty much relegated to the back seat. The music is quite good with a guarantee that “Munni Badnaam” will be playing through the year @ discos and is definitely part of the new years eve list. Signing off with a big Thank You to Sallu Bhai for giving us yet another entertainer. I am giving this 5 on 10 purely because as a movie there were way too many gaps. But out of personal choice - SUPER HIT HAI BHAI… I would not mind seeing Dabangg again…. Anyone game????