Madras Café (Hindi 2013)

I think I had my typewriting class on the 22^nd May 1991 around 9 am.  I was eager to attend because I was struggling to get the hang of it.  But when I stepped out of home (and I hadn’t read the newspaper that morning) I was greeted by empty streets.  I walked all the way to the station only to be greeted by silence.  It was only about 20 minutes later when I got back home that I realized what had happened less than 12 hours back.

Those who were around at that time know what I am talking about.  Those who weren’t, can look into their history books because it was one of the darkest days in the history of this country.  I would have expected Shoojit Sircar (fresh off the success of Vicky Donor) to have done more justice to a man who was arguably the harbinger of change into this country.  Sadly, he turns it into yet another mockery.

A Major in the Indian Army, Vikram Singh (John Abraham) is roped in for a covert operation in Sri Lanka as part of the RAW.  His mission is to infiltrate the rebel army and cause a rift in the line of power so that the rebels can self destruct.  He lands up doing everything but that.  He also gets caught in the bargain and is saved, only to go back pretending as a news reporter – in Sircar’s world, all this is a walk in the park.

He also, happens to meet an international Indian journalist Maya Sahni (Nargis Fakhri) who is dressed like Maddy Bowen in Blood Diamond but shows a bit more cleavage through her maroon wife beater vest.  She also happens to speak only in English (Thank God!!!) but for some reason Vikram speaks to her in Hindi only.  There is no justification given for the same but as I said, it happens in Sircar’s world.

Of course, in Sircar's world, RAW Agents dress up in jazzy denim and speak in Hindi and don’t get caught in the bargain either.  In Sircar’s world, things of utmost importance cannot be spoken over the phone but can wait for 2 days when Maya will travel from London to Delhi.  In Sircar’s world, Tamil refugees coincidentally have developed a Malayalam accent.  Of course.  Cochin is closer than Chennai.

Horrible editing, disastrous work with the sound, dialogues that inspire no confidence and a script / story that is absolutely baseless ensure that Sircar’s follow up to Vicky Donor is just about short of a disaster.  To his credit, he at least pays attention to some details to recreate props from 1991 such as VHS Tapes, manual telephone exchanges, green screen computers and dot matrix printers.

But there is no other aspect that makes any sense.  Nothing is logical or sensibly arranged.  It was as if, “I have tried my hand at comedy, it worked.  So let me try my hand at a Political Espionage Drama revolving around the assassination of one of our most preferred Prime Ministers.  It should work.  No”?

No comments on the performances but I wasn’t expecting anything great.  John Abraham is sincere as always but this is as much as he can deliver.  Nargis Fakhri thankfully doesn’t have too much of screen time.  Siddhartha Basu & Piyush Pandey appear lost more often than not.  Disappointed, both with the effort and a wasted opportunity to tell a story that most of India would have been eager to know about.  4 on 10.

Watch the trailer on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RA9EF75Xc-8

Shootout at Wadala

Manohar Arjun Surve (John Abraham) scored 78% in his graduation exams in 1970.  At that point in time, it would have been stunning and would have put him at the top of his class.  But the Mumbai police had slightly different plans for the body builder from Dadar thanks to his involvement in a murder that his brother committed.

I Me Aur Main

Kapil Sharma is a first time director who picks up a topic that is actually quite bold for this part of the world.  That he, like most others in this country, makes a hash out of it comes as no surprise.  I was expecting a crappy movie right from the beginning and hence was probably saved from the disapointment.

Race 2

All of you would know what to expect when you walk into a movie that has the tag of the Burmawalas associated with it.  One can expect a lot of colour.  By colour I mean every perceivable shade of every perceivable colour would be splashed all across the screen in primarily in the form of the outfits that some gorgeous specimens of humanity would be seen wearing.  In Race 2, the colour extends itself to the houses, the parties, the aircrafts, the scenery, the ruins and of course – the parachutes.

Desi Boyz

I never managed to watch Desi Boyz till a couple of days back when I caught up with it on TV. I cannot remember the channel for the life of me. But I don’t think it really matters. I was told all sorts of things about how I should avoid the movie like the plague and I should not consider watching it even if I was paid for it – amongst other heinous things.

And I guess that age old rule applied once again – If you don’t set your expectations of a movie then chances are that you may not find it that bad. I must say that I found Desi Boyz to be a movie that could be tolerated. And quite comfortably at that. Probably because I saw it without any expectations whatsoever. But there were some other factors that helped in getting my expectation so low.

I have not been much of an Akshay Kumar fan in the past few years. I strongly believe that he has lost his comic timing. If memory serves me right, the slide began with either Garam Masala and then all was lost by the time we came to CC2C. The good comedian in him has over time been replaced by someone who is quite slapstick and seems to be struggling to keep even himself humoured. Desi Boyz was probably a bit better than his recent disasters.

My expectations from John Abraham the actor have never been too high. Sincere effort always put in. Definitely lots of hard work. But I believe he can at best be eye candy and nothing more. And what candy!!! As regards Deepika, I have been a fan of the confidence and will continue to be one – despite the fact that it seems to be deteriorating over the past few movies. And Chitrangadha in this new sultry avatar was a surprise – if only the strip teaching exercise would have continued just a bit more.

Desi Boyz is a cheap effort at mimicking The Full Monty but only with 2 people and a lot of Desi Masala also thrown in which doesn’t help much. Jignesh Patel (AK) is left with the task of taking care of his sister’s son after an accident takes them away. Jignesh works in a security services company. His best friend is Nikhil Mathur (John) who is an MBA from London School of Economics (WOW!!!).

Both are hit by the “recession” and find themselves jobless. Nikhil has to take care of his girl friend Radhika’s (Deepika) utopian expectations of marriage and a family after. Jignesh has to prevent Social Security from taking away his nephew. Desperation drives them to Boss (Sanjay Dutt) who runs a high level escort service and they start making the big bucks after a lot of reluctance.

If you are willing to ignore the basic errors and cheesy dialogues that come with most movies of this kind, Desi Boyz can actually be a great watch. The music is quite decent with some popular songs in the recent past. Overall as I said earlier – not disappointing because my expectations were lower than what I got. I thought you could tolerate it. Watch it if you have nothing better to do. 4 on 10.

Watch the trailer on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWlorjdK8cI

Housefull 2

Amongst the so called Dirty Dozen, I have been wondering all the way during the build up to what I was quite confident would be yet another appalling effort from Sajid Khan, about 4 people. Of these 4, one Randhir Kapoor, I have never been too much in awe of but why would Rishi Kapoor, Mithun Chakraborty and Boman Irani find themselves signing a Sajid Khan movie? Is there so much dearth of good quality movies around for these great names who have done so much for Indian cinema and really have nothing much to prove. Money talks I guess.

Amongst the younger breed, I can completely understand the reason for an Akshay Kumar and John Abraham being present here. There is not much of acting talent there and comic timing has betrayed AK a long time back. So anything that comes their way is good enough I guess. Shreyas Talpade is again a victim of “Money Talks”. Ritesh Deshmukh – sincere as always but I guess this is what he will continue to get as offers and this is what he will take.

The slapstick story (I know I know I am stating the obvious) of Housefull 2 has nothing to do with the first part if that’s any solace. This time around, we have Sunny (AK) & Max (John) who are the crooks from college and sworn enemies thanks to a misunderstanding involving a woman. On the other hand we have close friends Jai (Talpade) and Jolly (Ritesh) who are sons of rich folks – Jolly being the son of the super rich business tycoon JD (Mithun Da). Jai’s father gets insulted by Kapoor & Real Son (Rishi) when they visit him to ask for the kapoor daughter’s hand in marriage. Jai’s father suffers a heart attack and is in coma. Jai seeks revenge and pays Max 50K pounds to pose as Jolly and then dump the daughter at the last minute. One Jolly leads to another and before you know we have 4 Jollys and a minor headache.

There is not much acting or directing or screenplay or dialogues or editing or anything that would go into making a movie that is on display in Housefull 2. It is once again a self obsessed effort from a man who listens to very few as they say – Sajid Khan. I guess the fact that none of his movies have truly flopped and the fact that there were enough morons in the hall laughing their guts out indicates that there is enough of a fan following for his brand of ridiculously painful comedy. More power to the guys like Sajid Khan I say who listen to their smart brains more than the call to make quality cinema. My rating will hold little or no bearing on the success of the movie. 2 on 10 is what I would give on a good day.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LCQ2suUSUw

Force

This is the 2nd movie involving Nishikant Kamat that I have seen this year. The first one was 404 as an actor where he was quite solid. But Nishikant Kamat the director has probably not translated his acting talent or for that matter his directorial talent - from his the Marathi Cinema repertoire (I hear Deool is really good and will be watching it soon) into Force. The direction is sincere no doubt but I would rate it as average at best. Not impactful in any manner. Plus the lack of emphasis on consistency just keeps getting to me. Do Indian directors really believe that the population is naïve enough not to catch up with some of them – maybe they are true but I guess that’s what differentiates the great ones from the good ones. So if Nishikant Kamat wants to be a great director the I guess he has to start paying attention to the finer details.

Now I agree that one can probably do only this much with a chatterbox who speaks through her teeth and thrives on saying, “ACP Sir” all the time so much that you forget that the ACP is actually called Yashwardhan (John Abraham). After a point of time Maya (Genelia D’Souza) starts sounding like the chalk scratching the black board which makes the kids cringe and clamp their ears shut. Not that the hunk of meat is far superior. But at least he isn’t a put on. I have always believed that John Abraham is one of the most sincere actors in Indian cinema. That he will stick to commercial cinema that may require him to take his shirt off (he gets paid for it unlike Sallu Bhai who does it gratis) is not a surprise. And then there is the supporting cast of a constipated Raj Babbar, a mature looking Mohnish Bahl, a less irritating Sandhya Mridul, A young Shashank Shende, a crass and unpolished Kamlesh Sawant and an insignificant Anaitha Nair (please please start finding more meaty roles – I would love to see you on screen more often. I think you have looks and talent. Why waste it )

A typical formula movie of a lead good looking inspector, a young upstart who will get killed, An older mature officer in the team and a crass hot blooded honest cop to complete the quartet. Sincerely made for certain. Could have been better. Has generated enough interest in me to look for the Tamil DVD. But not a bad way to spend a Saturday or Sunday afternoon and its playing on TV. Not required to watch on the big screen at all. It’s a little weird but I just noticed that this was a remake of a Tamil movie by a Marathi director in Hindi – anyone knows if other such combinations exist? Never Mind my “google swamy” avatar speaking. 5 on 10 to Force

Trailer on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MpB95_ArXA

Saat Khoon Maaf

We have all grown up with Ruskin Bond and his writing in a variety of genres. But who would have thought that we would actually land up watching one of his more intense but yet casually written short stories make it to the big screen. Trust Vishal Bharadwaj to take up four pages of scribbled lines and chase one of the best Indian authors of our time to convert it into a 150 minute screenplay. And not just that, he has also managed to convince him to appear on screen in a 30 second cameo. The story titled Susanna’s Seven Husbands is now set to be permanently etched in our memories.

A single legged, hot tempered Keerti Chakra winning Major from the Indian Army who is as possessive about his wife as our friends across the border are about the blasphemy law is Susanna Anna-Marie Johannes’ (Priyanka Chopra) first husband – Edwin Rodrigues (Niel Nitin Mukesh). He is followed by a drug addict who plagiarizes songs from his college band called Jamshed Singh Rathod aka Jimmy Stetson aka Jim. A closeted sadomasochistic poet Wasiullah Khan (Irrfan Khan), A Russian Spy with a wife and kids in Russia – Nikolai Vronsky (Aleksandr Dyachenko) and an Inspector who grows into being a senior intelligence officer Keemat Lal (Annu Kapoor) are the next 3. Bringing up the rear is a Bengali medicine man Dr. Madhusoodhan Tarafdaar (Naseeruddin Shah) who has severe financial problems. Did I count seven?

What works for SKM is the fact that Vishal Bharadwaj can make anyone act. Niel Nitin Mukesh has been given a fresh lease of life but I have my doubts on him being able to sustain it for a longer period. John Abraham is impressive despite his best efforts not be. And Aleksandr Dyachenko in his first outing is equally good despite dialogues such as “Mein Tum Se Amar Prem karta hoon” and “Mere Paas Maa Hai”. Corny but well executed. Naseeruddin Shah, Irrfan Khan and Annu Kapoor are anyways amongst the finest actors that this country has seen. Priyanka exceeds herself yet again. Usha Uthup as Susanna’s nanny Maggie, leads the support cast with a fabulous performance as her partner in crime. The music is atypical Vishal Bharadwaj and very clearly seems to be made specifically with SKM in mind. The Dialogues are sharp and to the point. Narration is solid and the movie needed the time that was given to it. The use of light is superb in some scenes. Lovely editing. Nothing seems out of place.

So why then would I give a movie narrated in third person by Arun Kumar (Vivaan Shah) as a story to his wife Nandini (Konkona Sen Sharma) only 7 on 10. Well the surprisingly bad sound editing (at least in the print playing in PVR Mulund) kept aside I am unable to decide if I thought the movie was too perfect or had an X factor missing in it. That Vishal Bharadwaj gives a lot of credit to his audience’s intelligence could also have been a reason why I probably walked out of the hall feeling a tad incomplete. Somehow I am quite sure that this isn’t VBs best work to date. Omkara continues to be on top. Movie of the year so far though. Watch it.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLT-Nt-e_Vk

Jhootha Hi Sahi

Siddharth (Sid) runs a book store called Kagaz Ke Phool in London along with his partners – Omar (Raghu Ram) and Amit (Omar Khan). He is in a relationship with Krutika (Manasi Scott) – an air hostess. Omar lives next door to Sid with his extremely pregnant sister Aliya (Alishka Varde). Aliya is in a relationship with Nick (George Young) who is, I can only assume, a 2nd generation Japanese dude because he doesn’t show any signs of being Jap. Looks fairly European to me. But yes, he definitely has a Jap surname. Nick is apparently madly in love with Aliya and doesn’t stop short of proposing to her almost every single day – he would do it every hour if he could.


Now Sid is not really in love with Kruttika. And the rest of the gang is not really hot about her either. Omar keeps asking Sid when he is going to break up with her but Sid is in denial. Sid stammers when he is in front of beautiful women and he believes he is in love with her because he doesn’t stammer with her – and just in case your devious mind thinks that she is not beautiful – Mansi Scott is gorgeous to say the least (drool drool). Nevertheless, all of this takes a twist of fate when “Dost Help Line”- a suicide helpline for Indians in London, prints Sid’s residence number instead of their number. Sid is inundated with calls through the night. When the helpline realizes their mistake, the representative (Nandana Sen) requests Sid to keep help by taking calls and giving the actual number – a person who is about to kill oneself is definitely prepared with a pen and paper to take down a new number.

Sid is not pleased but offers to help since it is a matter of life and death. As luck would have it, that very night he receives a call from someone who is not willing to speak at all. So Sid is left holding the line through the nite – which he does painstakingly through a few coffees and large doses of National Geographic. The next morning, the caller – who has by then slept off, introduces herself as Mishka (Pakhi) and goes on to give her entire sob story of how her mother committed suicide and how her boyfriend Kabir has left her etc. etc. Now Sid, to keep her pepped up gives a whole lot of bull shit about how he has climbed Mt. Everest and worked for NASA and that life has loads to look forward to and it is not worth ending. Slowly a friendship develops between Fidatoh (that’s what Mishka calls Sid over the phone coz she doesn’t know he is Sid). Inadvertently, Fidatoh tells her about a book that is available only in one book store in London i.e. Kagaz Ke Phool. Now Sid meets Mishka and the complicated balancing of life between Sid and Fidatoh begins.

Most of the male cast tends to go overboard on the acting front. The entire female cast is quite balanced. Pleasantly surprised with Pakhi who has also written the movie it would seem. I wonder what the confusion with Friends is all about. Cant remember any episode of friends that goes this way – but then I am not a huge Friends fan anyways. Abbas Tyrewala had only one directorial venture before this which was a huge success – Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na. This one will not be as huge but is quite decent. Humour is a bit forced in part but good overall. Entertaining movie I say – 6 on 10.