Rabba Main Kya Karoon

There is a gentleman by the name of Amrit Sagar who is apparently a National Award winner for something to do with cinema in 1971.  I refuse to believe that he is the same person who has directed Rabba Main Kya Karoon.  There have been several gaffes at the National Awards for certain.  However, I am certain that the brains behind the awards could not have lost it to give anything to a director of Amrit’s caliber.

Khap

There was a 30 minute segment in a movie that released last year (or was it year before last). A movie that was not taken very well by the masses because most of the audience didn’t understand it at all. I had, on my blog, described Love Sex Aur Dhokha as a very brave movie. But more importantly, the treatment of the super sensitive topic of Honour Killings by ace director Dibakar Banerjee was simply brilliant. In sharp contrast, Ajai Sinha makes a mockery of such a strong topic. It doesn’t take too much time to realize why Mr. Sinha was without a movie for over 6 years. His last one was this obscure movie called Stop! Now I haven’t see Stop! yet but the direction in Khap doesn’t inspire me at all to watch it.

What Dibakar Banerjee took less than 30 minutes to communicate, Ajai Sinha could not achieve in over 2 hours. Primarily because he spends truck loads of time to show us a useless love story between 2 barely legal kids (as per the movie they have just entered college). An extremely corny and of course predictable story unfolds through part of the movie between Ria (Yuvika Chaudhry) and Kush (Sarrtaj). Ria’s parents Madhur (Mohnish Bahl) and Komal (Anuradha Patel) have moved to the city 16 years back after Madhur fights with his father Chaudhary Saheb (Om Puri) over ways that can only be described as Jungle Law. Chaudhary Saheb is the President of the Khap – a collection of 40 villages where everyone is related to the other in some convoluted manner. A boy and a girl from the same Khap cannot get married. And if they are of the same “Gotra” then it is sacrilegious and calls for the death penalty – remember what I said about Jungle Law. Needless to say, Madhur had to run away because the rest of the clan refused to change its ways. But 16 years later, he returns as the lead of a Human Rights Commission group to try and find evidence. Easier said than done right?

Pathetic acting is the hallmark of Khap. And what beats me is that the likes of Om Puri and Govind Namdeo seem to have forgotten how to give any kind of performance. Doesn’t take much to figure out that Yuvika Chaudhry cannot act no matter how hard she tries. Add the ridiculous name of Sarrtaj to the same list that Yuvika is part of. Alok Nath comes in with a cameo about how the Khap also does lots of good (which is true by the way), falls flat with his acting, makes a fool of himself even with only 2 minutes of screen time and runs away with his tail between his legs – exceptionally embarrassing performance. He should stick to being the doting daddy of a girl child (which he has been doing forever). Direction, Editing, cinematography, screenplay, music and all the other aspects of good film making were all but absent throughout the 2+ hours. Horrible way to spend a Saturday morning. Sorry for posting the review late (if you saw the movie between Saturday afternoon and today). 2 on 10 and that’s only because it isn’t as bad as Milenge Milenge.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hE7T4rrBCi

Ready

Before you go to watch Ready, please follow the steps as under
1. Open Skull
2. Carefully pull out brain – make sure you don’t damage anything else the purpose of saving the brain from trauma would be defeated.
3. Now, place brain in a bowl of ice cold water and leave it in freezer for the next few hours
Now that you have no sense of pain or pleasure or excitement or humour, you are in the perfect situation to watch one of the most brainless pieces of work that Bollywood could have given to you. This one takes the cake and makes David Dhawan look like an Oscar winning director. This freak of nature has taken slapstick and cheap comedy to a completely different level. And what is shocking is that the audiences are loving it and lapping it up. Every single piece of crap that is dished out from his table seems to be going so well with the audiences that his sense of false self belief is getting bloated beyond recognition and repair. And no we aren’t talking about Salman Khan who was probably the only saving grace in Ready other than Paresh Rawal. We are talking about this phenomenon (what else can you call him) called Anees Bazmee!!!! Its truly ridiculous that someone like Bazmee can get away with all the bull shit that he dishes out. But as I said – the audiences are loving it to say the least :’(:’(:’(:’( Other than the 4 of us who had braved the Saturday rains in Mumbai to watch the 2250 show (and I was doing this after watching 5 decent movies before), everyone else seemed to be having a stupendous time. Maybe they followed my instructions to the T and were informed earlier by someone else.

Prem (Salman Khan – for the nth time being called Prem) is a Chartered Accountant (can you believe that!!!!). But wait… there has to be a twist right. He is based in Bangkok – wonder whose accounts he was balancing there??? He is the sole heir to millions (of Bahts I am assuming) owned by his father Ram (Mahesh Manjrekar) and his uncles Laxman (Manoj Pahwa) and Bharat (Manoj Joshi). But the families have given up on him per se thanks to his mischevious ways. His favourite pastime is to get single girls hitched with the guys of their dreams – especially if the single girls are hot and happen to be the neighbour’s daughter – AAAARGH!!!!! But the folks finally manage to get him to consider a girl recommended by the family Baba. A chick coming in from the US. And heres is where the 2nd and ultimate twist happens of a girl exchange. Instead of a certain Pooja who no one in the family but the Baba has seen, Sanjana (Asin) lands up taking her place. Chaos and of course love happens soon enough. And yes… a tuk tuck chase is thrown in as garnish

None of my closing comments will save you from the torture that you will go through. Although I don’t owe any apologies to Sheena, Hersh and Vivek because they willingly accepted the proposition of going through this mindless piece of crap, I believe I still will apologize to them because I came up with the idea. What prevented me from watching Hangover 2 I will never know – wait of course I know – the 3 of them had already seen it :’(:’(:’(. The positives however include some foot tapping music and some extremely cocky dialogue delivery from Salman. For e.g. “Is duniya mein 3 cheezon ko kabhi underestimate mat karna – I, Me and Myself” (For the non educated in Hindi – Never underestimate 3 things in life – I, Me and Myself!!!) AAARGH ^ infinity. 2 on 10 for the above 2 points and some decent comic timing in patches from Paresh Rawal (more out of respect).

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACvDgKuTxnA