Bhopal : A Prayer For Rain

For the people in Bhopal, the abbreviation MIC stands for emotions ranging from horror to despair to rage.  With an organization called Union Carbide it would go onto a reaction that would be justifiable in any court of law.  But when it comes to a certain Warren Anderson (Martin Sheen), I can quite confidently say that they would not want him to Rest in Peace. Anderson passed away on 29^th September 2014.

Yellow (2014) (Marathi)

A review from last Saturday for this movie said that if we don’t walk into a theatre to watch such movies then there will no money coming in and therefore lesser of these movies will be made in the future.  I could not resist using the thought to begin Yellow because we will continue to have a huge chunk of the world which will download this movie instead of watching it on screen.

Hasee Toh Phasee

There is a good looking young man who is engaged to be married an equally (if not better) good looking young woman. The two seem to be very much into each other and are really looking forward to getting married. In walks the mysterious, girl next door kinds sister who creates ripples in the still waters just by being present. Her presence is just about enough to create doubts in the mind of the groom to be.

Mr Joe B. Carvalho

I write this review with no prejudice whatsoever to anyone or anything.  In fact let me clarify at the outset that I love Arshad Warsi and Soha Ali Khan.  I have been a fan of Javed Jaffrey as well for decades now.  And needless to say Vijay Raaz is one of the finest actors that India has produced in a long long time – one with a superb voice as well.

Policegiri

Lets start off with some simple questions.  Did you enjoy Singam? The Ajay Devgn remake of the Tamil Super Hit of the same name? Did you wish through the movie that if only it was Sanjay Dutt playing the role of Ajay Devgn.  If you fall into the segment that has answered yes to both questions then you will love Policegiri like very few movies in the recent past.

Bhool Bhulaiyaa

It took 14 years for Priyadarshan to probably gather to courage – because that’s what it would have taken a lot of – to remake a movie that he was a Second Unit Director.  To his credit, he is the only one out of the 3 in the movie who managed to make a move into Bollywood. 

 

But needless to say, he doesn’t emulate the magic that Fazil created on screen in 1993 with the national award winning Manichitratazhu (read as Mani Chitr tayu).  A movie that coincidentally has been fodder for remakes galore – Apthamitra in Kannada, Chandramukhi in Tamil and Telugu (dubbed), Rajmohol in Bengali, and of course the topic of this write up in Hindi.

 

The only reason I can think of as to why these movies fell short was the incapability to handle the topic with the seriousness that it required.  Of course the character played by Akshay Kumar – Aditya Srivastava – does have a humourous streak in him and enjoys playing the fool.  But I guess AK did a bit too much in his attempt to tell the audience that his comic timing is still alive.

 

Siddharth Chaturvedi (Shiney Ahuja) & Avni (Vidya Balan) are a newly married couple.  Sidhharth comes from a royal family and is actually the incumbent king of the village.  He has, however just returned from the states where he got married to Avni.  He had been there for his studies.  Upon Avni’s insistence and a little bit of his own desire, he decides to stay in his ancestral palace.

 

However, the resident spirit of the home doesn’t take too kindly to their stay.  A danseuse – Madhulika – who used to perform at the palace many moons ago is in love with Shashidhar (Vineeth) – the royal poet.  The fact doesn’t go too lightly with the Maharajah who in a fit of jealousy, executes the poet. 

 

Madhulika in turn commits suicide but before that puts a curse on the palace – no Maharajah will ever reside in the palace or else I will be the cause of his death.  To date, the curse stands.  And when Siddharth moves in, some funny events start occurring  that point a finger towards his cousin Radha (Ameesha Patel). Siddharth of course doesn’t believe in ghost stories and calls for his friend Aditya Srivastav – a psychiatrist to help.

 

This movie has a Priyadarshan touch to it – loud – REALLY LOUD.  Of course, several unnecessary attempts at comedy are also in order because it comes from his table.  But, to be fair, the movie is a frame to frame copy so there is very little value addition other than the above 2 points.

 

Most of the performances are also ordinary.  Shiney Ahuja in fact looks as constipated as he can possibly get.  I guess his moment of truth passed with Hazaaron Khwaishein – like with most of the people associated with that movie.  Even Vidya Balan is a tad above average but it was early days for her.  The support cast also – ordinary. 

 

It is only the story that makes the movie really worth watching.  I have seen it on a couple of occasions without too much of an effort.  So I guess a 6 on 10 is in order.  However, I encourage you to take a look at the original (unfortunately without subtitles) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdp4xudz958 and make your mind up on which one is better.

 

Trailer on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adQ3aNpEFXg

Khiladi 786

Lets start by recounting the entire list.
1. Khiladi – 1992
2. Main Khiladi Tu Anari – 1994
3. Sabse Bada Khiladi – 1995
4. Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi – 1996
5. Mr. & Mrs. Khiladi – 1997
6. International Khiladi – 1999
7. Khiladi 420 – 2000
Am I missing something here? I thought there were more but could find only 7 as of now. It has been 20 years since the first one but there is none that has come remotely close to the excitement that was generated with the first in the franchise.

Lets cut from the gut wrenching excitement of a murder mystery (remember it was 1992 and Khiladi was a good movie then) to a slapstick comedy in which Akshay Kumar pretends to do a Rajnikanth. You know my sentiments when someone tries to ape the great man no knowing that the closest they can come to is be an ape!!! Put these 2 in perspective and you have a disaster in the making.

Lets view some classic examples of atrocious dialogues
1. Duniya mein teen cheez aise hai jo hoti hai lekin koi dekh nahin sakta – Bhooton ka sansaar, sachcha wala pyaar aur Bahattar Singh (AK) ki raftaar (there are 3 things that exist in the world but no one can see – The world of ghosts, true love and the speed of 72 Singh – yes his name is 72)
2. Jilla (District) Malkanpur, Gaon (village) Taasi, Sar par haath rab ka (God’s hand on my head) aur haath pe Saat Sau Chhiyaasi (number 786 – god’s number – on my hands)
3. Bachpan se chhod ta aa raha hoon. Bag lekar school gaya toh master ne kaha School chhod doh. Bat Ball leke cricket khelne gaya toh doston ne kaha cricket chhod doh. Scooter leke ghar se nikla toh padosi ne kaha Malad chhod doh (I will not even bother to translate that one)

At the end of it all, K786 lands up being a cheap imitation of Dabanng and the great man. AK – please remember the next time. There was, is and can be only one Chulbul Pandey and that rule doesn’t change even remotely for Rajnikanth. So respect that space and create one of your one.

The only saving grace – believe it or not – is Himes Bhai’s moosik and his acting (pretty decent). How Mithun Da finds accepts such cheesy roles is beyond me. I can understand that about the rest of the cast especially Shri Raj Babbar. But you are Mithun Da. Why? Why?? Why???

Watch this one if you are a fan of extreme slapstick and AK. Because if you are not, then you may find it difficult to survive. 3 on 10

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHdtpTrrxuo

Always Kabhi Kabhi

Dear Roshan Abbas – When someone makes his first movie it should ideally be an original story line. If not there should be at least some semblance of originality if not completely original. But ripping off an entire Hollywood flick to the extent that it has been – GAWD!!!! Have some shame. We are definitely an Indian audience but we definitely have our resources to watch Hollywood flicks. Plus the DVDs of High School Musical 1, 2 and 3 have been sold as a box pack for over 2 years now. You have actually made Anu Malik look like a walk in the park. Copy dude. But copy well. At least respect the original to the extent of replicating it well. Each and every frame of your debut flick has been so tackily shot that after 15 minutes it doesn’t seem funny. And your talk about speaking to the Gen Y or Gen Next or whatever you want to call them hasn’t really worked. There were enough and more kids between 13 and 19 who were in the hall and actually struggling to get through the first half. By the time the 2nd half started they were already contemplating an exit and planning the next hour and half in advance.
And Roshan – the script is also written by you. Now why would you put in dialogues such as, “IIT aur MIT mein sirg ek akshar ka farak hai” (The difference between IIT and MIT is only one alphabet) and “Life me koi keyboard ka shortcut nahin hota hai. Isse google nahin kiya ja sakta. Isse experience kiya jaata hai” (Life doesn’t have a shortcut key on the keyboard. You cannot google it. You have to experience it). Of course there was one good dialogue somewhere in between which said, “Is generation ki nazar tab jhukti hai jab SMS milta ho” (This generation will bow its head only when it receives an SMS). Quite deep I must say Mr. Abbas.

And do kids start drinking like fish at the age of 17 these days and walk into school with hangovers the size of Mt. Everest? Gawd if that is true then we sure are headed for some trouble soon enough. What the hell is the local government talking about an age limit of 25??????

And then there is the cast of when the guys are probably the saving grace. All students of the St. Marks College. Decent debuts from Ali Fazal (Shortcut Sam Sameer) and Satyajeet Dubey (Taariq Einstein Naqvi). And the Brazilian beauty’s follow up movie has 20 times as much dialogues as the first one. She spoke 2 lines in the first one and she speaks 40 lines in this one. So that’s progress. Bringing up the tail is the pocket rocket Zoa Morani (Nandini “Nandy Bull” Oberoi). The lead cast has a meek attempt for support from the rest Pritika Chawla, Navneet Nishan, Akash Khurana, Lillete Dubey, Satish Shah & Ashwin Mushran (Why do you take these roles really???). The ever reliable balance cast of Manoj Joshi, Mukesh Tiwari & Vijay Raaz are solid as always. Most of the music is also quite uninspiring. Net Net, Always Kabhi Kabhi is quite a waste of 2 hours if you have seen High School Musical. If you haven’t seen HSM then I suggest you watch it and not waste your time on AKK. It’s a 3 on 10 from my side thanks to a couple of songs and a couple of good performances.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi558275865/

Ready

Before you go to watch Ready, please follow the steps as under
1. Open Skull
2. Carefully pull out brain – make sure you don’t damage anything else the purpose of saving the brain from trauma would be defeated.
3. Now, place brain in a bowl of ice cold water and leave it in freezer for the next few hours
Now that you have no sense of pain or pleasure or excitement or humour, you are in the perfect situation to watch one of the most brainless pieces of work that Bollywood could have given to you. This one takes the cake and makes David Dhawan look like an Oscar winning director. This freak of nature has taken slapstick and cheap comedy to a completely different level. And what is shocking is that the audiences are loving it and lapping it up. Every single piece of crap that is dished out from his table seems to be going so well with the audiences that his sense of false self belief is getting bloated beyond recognition and repair. And no we aren’t talking about Salman Khan who was probably the only saving grace in Ready other than Paresh Rawal. We are talking about this phenomenon (what else can you call him) called Anees Bazmee!!!! Its truly ridiculous that someone like Bazmee can get away with all the bull shit that he dishes out. But as I said – the audiences are loving it to say the least :’(:’(:’(:’( Other than the 4 of us who had braved the Saturday rains in Mumbai to watch the 2250 show (and I was doing this after watching 5 decent movies before), everyone else seemed to be having a stupendous time. Maybe they followed my instructions to the T and were informed earlier by someone else.

Prem (Salman Khan – for the nth time being called Prem) is a Chartered Accountant (can you believe that!!!!). But wait… there has to be a twist right. He is based in Bangkok – wonder whose accounts he was balancing there??? He is the sole heir to millions (of Bahts I am assuming) owned by his father Ram (Mahesh Manjrekar) and his uncles Laxman (Manoj Pahwa) and Bharat (Manoj Joshi). But the families have given up on him per se thanks to his mischevious ways. His favourite pastime is to get single girls hitched with the guys of their dreams – especially if the single girls are hot and happen to be the neighbour’s daughter – AAAARGH!!!!! But the folks finally manage to get him to consider a girl recommended by the family Baba. A chick coming in from the US. And heres is where the 2nd and ultimate twist happens of a girl exchange. Instead of a certain Pooja who no one in the family but the Baba has seen, Sanjana (Asin) lands up taking her place. Chaos and of course love happens soon enough. And yes… a tuk tuck chase is thrown in as garnish

None of my closing comments will save you from the torture that you will go through. Although I don’t owe any apologies to Sheena, Hersh and Vivek because they willingly accepted the proposition of going through this mindless piece of crap, I believe I still will apologize to them because I came up with the idea. What prevented me from watching Hangover 2 I will never know – wait of course I know – the 3 of them had already seen it :’(:’(:’(. The positives however include some foot tapping music and some extremely cocky dialogue delivery from Salman. For e.g. “Is duniya mein 3 cheezon ko kabhi underestimate mat karna – I, Me and Myself” (For the non educated in Hindi – Never underestimate 3 things in life – I, Me and Myself!!!) AAARGH ^ infinity. 2 on 10 for the above 2 points and some decent comic timing in patches from Paresh Rawal (more out of respect).

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACvDgKuTxnA

Khatta Meetha

The build up to this movie was as big as it turned out to be a damp squib. Akshay Kumar visiting RK Laxman and the movie touted to be oriented towards the common man couldn’t have been further from the truth. Somewhere I had expected maybe just a little bit better than what it turned out to be. Thankfully I can provide 2 excuses for having watched this movie – that I need to review it and that mum wanted to have a dekko coz this was a remake of a Malayalam movie, Vella Anakalude Naatu (Land of White Elephants in translation).


Sachin Tichkule (AK) is a something of a good for nothing black sheep in what is considered to be an otherwise very successful family. The family used to be one of the royals of Satara but is currently relegated to having only one large mansion in which Sachin stays the parents (Kulbhushan Kharbhanda & Aruna Irani), 2 brothers who are married, 1 sister and her husband and 1 young sister (Urvashi Sharma). Our hero (wonder how we can call him that) is a government licensed contractor who is heavily in debt thanks to his payments not getting cleared by the municipal corporation thanks to him taking the easy way out and cutting corners.

Not that the rest of the family is not involved in spurious methods of making monies but the junior Tichkule is typically made the scapegoat coz he has no money ever. Things do start falling apart for the other members of the family when a bridge that they built collapses and leads to the death of 65 people. Using the family driver (Tinu Anand) as a scapegoat and with the help of the local politican Sanjay Rana, the elder Tichkules manage to wriggle out of a sticky situation. However they did not consider the effect one Azad (Makarand Deshpande) would have coz he has lost his wife and kid in the accident. When he does not receive any support from the government he decides to take matters up himself and starts investigating the people involved.

Parallely, Sachin is now thrilled to hear that a new commissioner has arrived in town and hopes that his payments would be released. New commissioner or not, how he expects the government to release payments when he has a case pending against them is beyond me. Nevertheless, to add to his misery, the new commissioner turns out to be Gehna Ganpule (Trisha) who was his college love interest – an aspect that is revealed only a bit later in the movie but is extremely predictable. Now it would seem that Sachin and Gehna parted ways in less than an amicable way over an argument when Sachin slaps her in a fit of rage coz she refuses to support the college strike. Now what comes to light is that our hero used to be a staunch follower of papa dear – Gandhivadi and all. But the tragic turn of his love life and 3 years of slogging of in Mumbai has gotten him down to ground zero. The love hate relationship comes to a head when Sachin gets Gehna incorrectly trapped in a bribery case.

Priyadarshan continues with his string of really loud movies which started with either Hulchul or Hungama (I cant recollect). For some reason he believes that the audience really cannot hear and that unless he gets his actors to scream, the message may not get through. The idea of the movie of course was to try and expose a corrupt government system which drains monies at every available instance. A little too late in the day to talk about this Mr.Priyadarshan coz it has been beaten to death. Tata Tea does a better job in under 60 seconds with each one of their Jaago Re campaign ads. Also, dear Mr. Priyadarshan please try and avoid the slapstick in your Hindi versions. If you can make much better / stronger movies in Malayalam which not only provide quality entertainment but also give a very solid message then why do you assume that the hindi movie goer does not have a bent of mind for serious cinema.

The acting throughout the movie is passé. AK really really really needs to take a long hard look into himself to see whether he would like to exit cinema with some respect left or bide his time some more and exit when he has no respect left. Trisha’s debut in Bollywood turns out to be a dampner. I don’t think she has dubbed for herself but at times u may be inclined to believe that she has especially when the accent heavily moves towards the one Hema Malini has in the Kent Aar Wo Purifier ad. The support cast has the usual suspects from Mr. Ps movies. Rajpal Yadav – please get a life. Manoj Joshi – capable of much more but relegated to some sidey role as the brother in law. You can do much better than playing a role of a sadak chhap Tharki. Johnny Lever was probably the only saving grace in his 6 mins and 48.5 seconds of screen time but there were moments where u would be inclined to think that Johnny bhai was really not interested in doing this movie.

Net Net Khatta Meetha was an experience worth forgetting. Keeping aside the fact that Trisha’s earnings were as big as the screen or the fact that she was a municipal commissioner wearing silk south Indian kancheepuram sarees in Satara or that girls in satara have started showing the bra strap as fashionably as they would in Mumbai or outside the country or the fact that the Computer animated elephant really appeared computer animated – it was still a bad bad experience. I would be kind if I were to give this movie 2 on 10. Clearly Ms. Kazmi has been bought out.