Bullett Raja

Tigmanshu Dhulia is associated with hard hitting intense movies that have really solid dialogues and more importantly a really solid story.  Bullett Raja ticks most of the boxes but at the end of the day it is nothing we haven’t seen before.  The narration, the overall feel of the story, the performances and even the music had “seen that” written all over it from frame 1 (technically frame 1 + 10 mins coz I came in late) to finish.

Hum Hai Raahi Car Ke

Jyotin Goel used to be a director in Bollywood in the 80s and 90s.  I am not sure if you remember a movie called Inaam Dus Hazaar starring Sanju Baba, Meenakshi Seshadri and Amrish Puri.  If not, then maybe u may remember Zahreelay (1990) or Safari (1999) both starring Sanju Baba in the lead. If not, then you must go back and check out these classics from Bollywood.

Ishkq in Paris

She turned 38 earlier this year.  So she would have been say a little over 36 when she shot for the movie.  Not an age that one would expect leading ladies to look terribly old right? But all efforts by the make-up man to mask the strained look on her face fail miserably.  Much like the movie itself.  Ishkq in Paris is as disastrous as Preity Zinta looks in her home production.  Will no one produce a movie for her going forward?

Kya Super Kool Hain Hum

Before you go to watch this movie, have a look at the video of the attempt that the lead stars have made towards promoting the movie in this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=dJ6Ge5ITCUA&NR=1

Let me assure you that it is nowhere remotely close to whatever these guys claim and that too in the most unconvincing manner. The closest thing to the truth is in one of the dialogues of the movie itself, “Hum log marne nahin waale hain. Kyonki yeh ordinary movie hai” (We aren’t going to die because this is an ordinary movie). By calling it ordinary they were indeed glorifying themselves just a little notch.

If you are one to get your kicks from really cheap slapstick humour – something on the lines of American Pie – then Kya Super Kool Hain Hum is a brilliant movie for you. It is an all out sex comedy with not one line exists where you could use the phrase, “No pun intended”. Lets sample a few of them.

“Aaj mere shareer ka sirf ek hissa kaala hai…… meri aankhen” (Only one part of my body is black as on date… my eyes)
“Mera Naam Bhagyashree Rajshree Mitali Joshi hai. Mere friends mujhe BJ kehke bulaate hain. Arre… yeh sunke aap ka muh kyon khul gaya” (My name is Bhagyashree Rajshree Mitali Joshi. My friends call me BJ. Why have you opened your mouth on hearing this? – apologies for the crude literal translation)

Many more such corny one liners and if these two have caught your fancy then KSKHH is just the right movie for you on a Sunday afternoon. Not much of a story either. Just 2 losers – one a struggling actor (and he calls himself one) and the other is an up and coming DJ. The former is called Adi (Tusshar) and the latter Sid (Ritiesh). They keep getting themselves in into all sorts of trouble thanks to their loose tongue more

And then there are the two pieces of eye candy. Simran (Neha Sharma) and Anu (Sarah Jane Dias) who do everything from rejecting marriage proposals to pretending to be lesbian and having a wardrobe malfunction in between for good measure. That they are absolutely gorgeous is a huge saving grace to themselves and the movie.

Do not, however, go there expecting any performances of any sort. There is some decent music for certain including the hugely popular “Garden Garden Ho Gaya”. Overall as mentioned earlier – slapstick. Not my kinds. But you may like it. 4 on 10.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vq8QjEtrrbQ

Hello Darling

You would watch Hello Darling for any of the following reasons

1. You went for the show of Madholal Keep Walking (which I am sure would have been a far superior choice of a movie) but the show got cancelled.
2. Your definition of a good time is watching a slapstick sex comedy where characters are named “One Hung Low” (Chinese customers of course).
3. You get your cheap thrills by looking @ Celina Jaitley’s cleavage and it is sufficient for your fantasies for the next 30 odd days.
4. You are a movie critic and it is an occupational hazard.
5. You strongly believe, “Never Judge a book by its cover” and therefore you thought the posters did not do justice to the high quality of cinema that you expected it to be.
6. You ran out of places to make out and what better a place than a half empty hall.
7. You simply are a sucker for punishment.

Take your pick folks but avoid the movie like the plague.

Mansi Joshi (Gul Panag) is a department head in a local fashion house. Her boyfriend (Anil Mange) is in London waiting for her to say yes to his proposal. Her boss, Harddick Vasu (Javed Jaffrey) is the epitome of sexual harassment. He is married to Purvi (Divya Dutta) who believes that her ever horny husband is actually “Dudh Ka Dhula”. HDV’s secretary is Candy (Celina Jaitley) who is the atypical office blonde who strongly believes that what she wears is not skimpy at all. Candy’s boyfriend (Chunky Pandey) is a run of the mill musician who lives in with her. Rounding off the shebang is Satyavati Chaudhary (Eesha Khoppikar) who has been recently hired for a position in Mansi’s team.

All the women in the office are quite frustrated with HDV’s sexual advances towards them. But thanks to Mansi’s convincing powers, they stay back for as long as womanly possible. Mansi keeps resisting his advances and keeps swearing to herself that she will kill HDV someday. His favourite way of ticking her off is to ask her to make coffee. In a frustrated moment, she inadvertently adds Rat Poison to his coffee. When she realizes her folly, she finds HDV on the floor of his office. Total chaos ensues.

Hello Darling is definitely the outcome of a bet that the producer had with someone that even a lousy movie can make money in India. What surprises me is that there were quite a few people in the hall and more importantly, enough who were actually amused with the cheap slapstick comments. I guess the producer definitely won his bet. What surprises me even more is that quality actresses like Gul Panag and Divya Dutta are actually jobless. What else could explain the fact that they have willingly accepted to waste their talent on a senseless piece of work. Ladies – you must surely have been in some severe financial strain. Celina Jaitley as always can do no better than show as much cleavage as allowed by the censor board. Eesha Khoppikar doesn’t have much of cleavage to show but she tries to make up with as much skin as possible. Chunky Pandey is almost non existant & JJ is at his pathetic best.

Manoj Tiwari, it would seem was the Assistant director for the Subhash Ghai debacle – Kisna the Warrior Poet. Not that it would have made any difference if it was someone else coz the story in itself is crappy to say the least. A sheer waste of 2 hours is what is say. 1 on 10 just for the attempt I guess.