Rajdhani Express

There is nothing much that director Ashok Kohli can look forward to after his debut in Bollywood. Maybe he needs to destroy all evidence of being associated with a movie titled Rajdhani Express (RE) and the cast and crew associated with it. But the cast and crew will be less of a worry. They would have died of shame anyways after watching themselves.

Hence my hypothesis that the people associated with this disaster of a start for 2013 for Bollywood have not seen their own handiwork. There should be a rule in Bollywood or some contact with the censor board that prevents such jokes on cinema from being released at the beginning of a calendar year or any auspicious day. There should in fact be a censor board arm that prevents release of such disasters.

The movie begins with our ace tennis star who has done his image and future no good by being part of this venture. He starts with a guttural laughter that is intended to create fear. I assume that because he is shown with his hands and legs tied up to a chair. But what he doesn’t know that the audience is laughing at him at the end of the day. In the same guttural way that he attempted to laugh.

Turns out he is Keshav (Paes) works for a local small time Don in the capital city called Bhaijee (Kiran Kumar). Now Bhaijee’s daughter Reena (Sayali Bhagat) and our man have a love hate relationship. They grew up together. He was the domestic under age help. She was the rich man’s daughter. And from then on the divide has been obvious. So when Bhaijee finds out about the hanky panky under his nose, he ostracizes Keshav and sets him up to be caught in the Rajdhani Express carrying ammo.

If by now, you are not tearing your hair apart, then you definitely will, when u see Keshav’s Ist AC Co-Passengers. Banerjee (Priyanshu Chatterjee) who is a Bollywood screen writer. Munish (Sudanshu Pandey) who is a fashion designer. Sunita (Pooja Bose) who is a Bollywood Item girl.

Attempting to add spice to this lousy curry is Deputy Commissioner Yadav (Jimmy Shergill) who must be regretting the day he signed this deal. And there is Shilpa Shukla who plays a Sub Inspector with her right hand in her pocket at all times looking grumpy as ever – I am sure because Kohli asked her to put her hand in her pocket and she didn’t.

She also had reason enough because Kohli asked her to mouth what will be the dialogue of the year, "Loyalty se behter sincerity hai. Loyalty is for dogs. Sincerity is for human beings". Please Please Please tell me you have pulled all your hair out by now. If not, please get a medical mental check-up lined up ASAP.

RE is the kind of movie that will actually make you tear your hair apart in agony. It may even send you on a witch hunt for Kohli because the cast has otherwise given reasonable performances to date. The only difference this time is a Kohli (maybe bad times for the entire clan). There is an absence of everything that goes into a movie. So adding to the list that has 2 movies to date on my blog, we have a 0 on 10 to begin 2013 with.

Trailer on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-rXXW7fBtM

Murder 2

This is the country of the formula movie is what they say. And who better to understand the fine art of formula movie making that the Bhatt family. They have cracked it ages back and continue to dish out the same stale formula time and over again. But whaddya know??? It still works. The full houses @ movie halls would indicate that. Murder 2 has opened to a strong reception from the audiences who have lapped up every one of the formula movies that the Bhatts have released over the past couple of decades. And what was surprising from my perspective was the fact that the couple which was making out right next to me in the hall was actually seeing the movie for the 2nd time!!!! Aaaargh!!! Let me assure you that there is not much in Murder 2 that can make you come back for a second helping. But the woman next to me would disagree with what I say. If she had it her way, she would have jumped onto screen and licked the serial kisser to death when he says – “Haan teri biwi ne thappad maara tha jab meine uske saath raat bitane se mana kar diya tha” (your wife slapped me when I refused to sleep with her last night). Pardon me if the narration is not verbatim but it was definitely to that extent. That the crowd didn’t explode into a huge cheer and throw money on screen was only because it was Emraan Hashmi narrating the dialogue and not Rajni Saar.

Mohit Suri continues his love story with the Bhatts which started back in 2005 I think with Kalyug & Zeher – another one of those lucky directors like Abhinay Deo who gets 2 movies in his debut year. Deo can take heart coz Mohit Suri has delivered 5 more pot boilers after that and is considered to be reasonably successful. That Suri has not improved in his direction capabilities should not bother Deo much because he has definitely shown marked improvement with Delhi Belly. Mohit Suri on the other hand trusts the standard formula which distracts the audiences from seeing the oh so startling flaws in consistency. The formula is very simple actually. Every once in a while get Jackie Fernandes to take her top off and stand in a bikini and the male part of the audience is staring at the screen with the jaw on the floor and the tongue that has rolled on about 6 feet in front under the seats. The ladies are probably at the same time fuming through their ears about how anyone can look so hot. That Jackie’s role is restricted to making phone calls which don’t get a response, stripping off her bikini in a loo, smashing wine glasses, trying to act drunk (and badly at that), kissing Hashmi (and really well at that) and getting tied up at the end with scotch tape and almost killed is the disappointing part. I have always thought she is a decentish actress. This one doesn’t help her cause in Bollywood much I can assure you.

The only acting visible in the movie is that of Prashant Narayanan who is quite solid actually and a contender for this year’s awards in the Best Villain category for certain. He is ice cold and definitely makes you feel a chill down your spine. I am glad because it was time that he got a break that makes use of the immense talent that he has and doesn’t portray him as the usual “Sadak Chhap Mawali” (Street Urchin – crudely translated) that he lands up playing. What is also disappointing about this Bhatt movie is that there is only one song worth its while. Overall as below average as any of the movies starring the serial kisser. 4 on 10 is what I would give it. If I had a choice to watch Chillar Party and Murder 2, I would go for the former.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZkUz_fFJck