Dilwale (Hindi) (2015)

Ever get a feeling that you tried to do something differently but could not change who you stand for and ultimately landed up making a big hash of everything? If the answer is yes, then Rohit Shetty’s Dilwale will give you that sense of déjà vu.  It would have definitely given Shetty that feeling.

Happy New Year (2014) (Hindi)

Recipe for a successful Farah Khan Movie

Chennai Express

Someday, I am going to give up wondering about the reasons for audiences laughing at attempted humour on screen when actually, the joke is on them.  I am only tempted even more to make it a subject of my thesis (whenever I get to it).  I was not just flummoxed but downright exasperated to see the reaction in the hall to Chennai Express. I hope the audience realizes someday that quality cinema is their right.

Veer Zaara

Now this is the kind of movie that reeks of Yash Chopra all the way from start to finish. And it also reeks of being written by Aditya Chopra. Because it is a larger than life and unbelievable kind of romance. The one that transcends all sorts of boundaries – in the literal sense of the word. One that can be described using the word – unrequited. Very few instances where this ten letter word can be used.

Jab Tak Hai Jaan

Samar Anand (Shah Rukh Khan)… oops… I am sorry… Major Samar Anand (Shah Rukh Khan) is pushing 40 I would guess. His hobby is on the lines of what James Bond says in Skyfall – reincarnation. Only, Samar believes in playing an extremely risky version of Russian Roulette. And he isn’t doing it with a gun which has one bullet. He is doing it with Bombs. Yep. Our hero is labeled as “The man who cannot die”. He disposes bombs for a living – without protection that too.

And why does he do that? The nosy and extremely irritating Akira Rai (Anushka Sharma) is about to find out. How? Because she decides to dive into the freezing waters of what one can only assume was the Pangong Lake. Did I mention it was in her Puma bikini (Saurabh – please ensure you pay me money for the additional publicity). Well, as luck would have it, Major Anand waits for her to drown and then rescues her. Army protocol you see. Watch when a half naked woman jumps into the water and rescue only when she goes under (if you know what I mean).

Army protocol also dictates that after resuscitation, you should leave your fatigues with the chick and your personal diary so that the back story comes to life where Samar Anand is a 25 year old who can barely speak English and makes a living by doing multiple jobs including singing the same Punjabi song on the London Bridge everyday. Coincidentally, the woman – Meera (Katrina) who he makes the song for is willing to pay 500 sterling to learn the song and impress her father – Mr. Thapar (Anupam Kher who has been wasted) – who turns 50 in a month.

A passionate love story develops but when Samar has an accident, Meera, who has a current account with Mr. Jesus of Nazareth (Samar saw her first @ the church where she swore to give up chocolates in return for… never mind), asks for Samar’s life to be spared. In return, she promises never to see him again. Erm. WTF????

By this stage of the movie you are half tearing your hair apart. And if you check my twitter post out, I refuse to believe that Yash Chopra directed this movie. So what if the end credits show video footage of the great man directing people who look like the cast of the movie. Impossible!!! I request the Chopras to come clean of this cheap marketing gimmick. I am quite certain, this is an Uday Chopra directorial venture. Even Adi and Karan Johar cannot make such pathetic cinema.

The number of loop holes that the story has can substitute for perforated sheets. The execution is tacky – green screens for jumps into water @ Ladakh should at least look right. Yash Chopra could not have signed off on this final product. Other than the title poem (lyrics at the end of this review) there is no semblance of a dialogue or screenplay worth mentioning. The direction seems non existant – which is why I repeat – THIS IS HAS TO BE UDAY CHOPRA!!! NOT YASH CHOPRA!!!

And the movie just doesn’t seem to end. It took about 90 minutes to get to an interval which was also cheating. It first seems that the interval has come in and your much needed loo break is around the corner. And then they continue for 5 more minutes. Unfair. I call for a ban on such cheap tactics.

Shah Rukh Khan makes it 2 flops in a row with this Diwali. But the movie will make tons of money and cross 100 crores within this week. Sad but true. 3 on 10 only driven by a reasonable performance from Anushka (although she could have toned herself down a bit). And of course – the ever dependable A R Rahman who saves the movie with a soundtrack that can be heard.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0UXgoJ9Shg

Teri aankhon ki namkeen mastiyaan
Teri hansi ki beparwah gustakhiyan
Teri zulfon ki leharati angdaiyan
Nahi bhoolunga main
Jab tak hai jaan
Jab tak hai jaan
Tera haath se haath chhodna
Tera saayon se rukh modna
Tera palat ke phir na dekhna
Nahi maaf karunga main
Jab tak hai jaan
Jab tak hai jaan
Baarishon mein bedhadak tere naachne se
Baat baat pe bewajah tere roothne se
Chhoti chhoti teri bachkani badmashiyon se
Mohabbat karunga main
Jab tak hai jaan
Jab tak hai jaan
Tere jhoote kasme waadon se
Tere jalte sulagte khwabon se
Teri be raham duaao se
Nafrat karunga main
Jab tak hai jaan
Jab tak hai jaan

Don 2

I liked Don when it was remade. The secret to that was to look at it as a completely different movie, independent of the Big B block buster which released some 3 decades earlier. A lot of people I know loved Don (2006) and the so called “purists” hated it to the core. I was, as accepted earlier, part of the former set of people. I thought Farhan Akhtar’s adaptation was superb and deserved a 7 on 10 on my scale to say the least. It was slickly made. It had great music. And most importantly it was finished beautifully.

The twist towards the end has kept people waiting for the past 5 years. Everyone who left that hall knew there was a Don 2 coming. It would have been stupid not to have capitalized on the brilliant opportunity that Farhan had created. Now why would he wait for 5 years to come up with Don 2 is a question only he can answer. It baffles me to no end. The concept of making the sequel along with the first movie and only delaying the release was not new to the industry when Don released. I would have released Don 2 within a year of Don. Excel Entertainment thought differently I guess. Excel was wrong.

Don 2 opens 5 years after the dramatic escape that Don (Shah Rukh Khan) manages to pull off under the noses of Roma (Priyanka Chopra) & Malik (Om Puri) and Co. By then Don has complete control of the Asian Drug Market and is hot on the heels of the Europeans who have created a cartel to kill him. But then as everyone knows “Don Ko Pakadna….”. So killing him would be out of the question right? After escaping from the attempted murder, he turns himself into the Interpol which continues to be led by his favourite Junglee Billee. All a build up to get into the same Malaysian jail that Vardaan (Boman Irani) is housed in and use his help in his next venture – stealing the plates for that are used to make the Euro from the DZB.

Don 2 may as well have been called Mission Impossible (Hindi). The list of inspirations from Hollywood is endless and that’s what probably disappointed me about this movie. Why? Because I think Farhan Akhtar is one of the finest directors and story tellers we have in our time. Why he would stoop down to “inspiration” is a bit beyond me. It will be for the first time that I would give a Farhan directed movie less than 7 on 10. Also disappointing is the finishing which is really Farhan’s forte. The effects seem “chipkaoed” (Stuck) and not seamless. The screenplay and dialogues lacked the impact usually associated with him with the exception of some instances such as “No Autographs please”. The story was well – nothing we haven’t seen before. The editing was just about acceptable. The consistency errors were just shooting through the roof!!! All very unlike Farhan. Seriously wonder if he was on LSD or something while shooting.

In the acting department, Boman Irani was head and shoulders above everyone else by a country mile and a half. No one but Shah Rukh can pull off this role which demands so much of arrogance – a trait that comes naturally to the King. Piggy Chops continues to look good as the Interpol officer who has time for a French Manicure and the best of fashion – but only look good. Lara Dutta is the sincere water girl, room service girl, courier girl, odd job girl etc. with no role per se and also ill fitting clothes. Kunal Kapoor’s role is pivotal but really badly essayed. To make matters worse the Shankar Ehsaan Loy music is lack luster to say the least.

In all, is Don 2 worth watching. Yeah I guess so. Is it close to Farhan’s best – nowhere. Worth spending time on? You would have booked your tickets by now and so go ahead I and watch it. Will you come out of the screen feeling happy – nope. Disappointed? – nope. It is the feeling of being let down by some of India’s finest coming together and delivering a product that is barely average which is worse than being disappointed. Is it better than MI4 Ghost Protocol – hell yes!!! 6 on 10 I say.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi2265947673/

RA One

I had passed judgement on RA. One after seeing the first trailer itself. It looked so much like Tron Legacy that I was completely turned off with the idea of RA.One. You could argue with me that I get too biased too soon but my regular readers would agree with me that of late, I have tried my very best, not to be biased at all – and successfully at that. I was in fact hoping and praying for a good movie to begin an otherwise dull Diwali day. However, it was not meant to be. Approximately 100 seconds into the movie, when you come across the characters of Lucifer and Desi Girl (Priyanka Chopra), you do check if you are in the right movie hall. And then the corniest characters of all come in – Bruce Lee’s sisters i.e. Iski Lee, Uski Lee and Sabki Lee and you are left, yet again praying that it is just a bad start to an otherwise good movie. But the final nail on the coffin is drilled about 2 minutes later when the Khalnayak i.e. Villain (Sanjay Dutt) says, “Abhi Spiderman ko maarke aaya hoon – Baygon Spray se”.

About 140 minutes later (if you survive that long), you are left with teeth that have almost been chewed and hair that is disheveled to say the least. You have just been subjected to the latest method of torture (cannot venture to comment on the country of origin because I have yet to discover the same) – movies designed for the IQ of a 2 year old. It progressively reduces itself over time to the IQ of a 1 year old over the period as defined 2 sentences back. Not surprising therefore that the cricket team of kids to my right had a blast. I can assure you that us adults would not get what the hullabaloo is all about. The guy at the snacks counter did mention to me, “Bachchon ki film hai sir” (It’s a movie meant for kids.

Anubhav Sinha is not best known for producing block buster movies as such but Cash and Tathasthu weren’t really atrocious if you know what I mean. They were slickly made and had reasonable consistency. At least they didn’t show Karwa Chauth before Dushera… duh!!!! Come on Mr. Sinha you could have at least sequenced your movie well. And lets not go down the direction track because poor Anubhav seems to have lost whatever basic capabilities he had in this department.

One cannot expect much in the acting department when King Khan is sharing screen space with the appallingly irritable Kareena Kapoor – some may argue that she looks heavenly in the movie but I can assure you that the only angels you will find in the movie are those which are referred to in a couple of sentences. Newbie child artiste – Armaan Verma looks more like a girl than a boy throughout the movie. I mean whats with his hair yaar??? And girls who thought would get a glimpse of the chiseled Arjun Rampal would be disappointed with his 4 minutes and 38.5 seconds on screen in the role of Pi / 2 aka Ra.One. Shahana Goswami is much too talented to be wasted on movies like these. Please to be reconsidering your choices in future.

Overdoing the Tamil angle also didn’t quite go well with my roots. And whats with “Paityakaran (Mad Man)” playing continuously in the background for about 10 mins after the movie started. The only Tamil angle and probably the only good part of the movie was the 30 seconds that the one and only superstar of today made his presence felt. As the joke goes, Shah Rukh made a 2.5 hour special appearance in the movie that was led by Thalaivar. Rajani just dazzles in the role of Chitti.

Discouraging you from watching RA One will fall on deaf years because it is destined to beat Bodyguard in terms of first week collections. But try to avoid it. Its no more than a 3 on 10 and that too for some good special effects and of course the track that is going to be around for a while – Chammak Challo

Oh yes and as I had tweeted – taking inspiration from Tron or Hancock or Iron Man or Terminator is definitely acceptable. But doing the same from “You Don’t mess with the Zohan”???? What??? Zohan??? Come on Anubhav Sinha – what in the blazes were you thinking.

Sorry about the longish review. An extremely frustrated viewer here as you can see.

Trailer on http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi1860607513/

Chak De India!!!

16 ladies who were converted to being household names 4 years back (will be 4 years in 1 week) - Vidya Sharma (Malavade), Balbir Kaur (Tanya Abrol), Gul Iqbal (Arya Menon), Nethra Reddy (Sandia Furtado), Soimoi Kerketa (Nisha Nair), Rachna Prasad (Kimberly Miranda), Raynia Fernandes (Raynia Mascerhanas), Nichola Sequiera (herself), Rani Dispotta (Seema Azmi), Bindia Naik (Shilpa Shukla), Gunjun Lakhani (Shubhi Mehta), Mary Ralte (Kimi Laldawla), Molly Zimik (Masochon V Zimik), Aliya Bose (Anaitha Nair), Komal Chautala (Chitrashi Rawat) and Preety Sabharwal (Sagarika Ghatge). It will take a while before people are able to forget these names which probably go us closest to a victory in a world cup hockey. Shimit Amin’s second movie was an even bigger block buster than his first one (Ab Tak Chhappan) and went on to cement his position as one of the better directors in Indian Cinema.

Shimit’s capability to generate enough enthusiasm to deflect the audiences attention from the really finer details is what makes him a solid movie maker. What he does beautifully is creating the excitement from the first shot of the movie where Kabir Khan (Shah Rukh) misses the penalty stroke in the final few seconds and so the world cup. Every few minutes he ensures that the movie actually touches an emotional chord with every viewer – and he does so beautifully with almost every Indian through Chak De India!!! Such as when Nethra Reddy is asked, “Tamil” and she says “Tamil aur Telegu mein utna hi farak hota hai jitna Punjabi aur Bihari mein” (The difference between Tamil and Telegu is identical to that between Punjabi and Bihari) Or when Mary Ralte and Molly Zimik say, “Aap apne hi Desh mein mehmaan banke rahoge”? (Would you like to stay as a guest in your own country) A Superb way to touch the regional sentiments and then get the nationalist sentiment also up and running with “Vidya Sharma. India”. Very slick movie making Mr. Amin.

Each character is clearly defined in terms of origin, aspirations, problems and what she expects to achieve from the campaign to win the world cup. Whether it is Komal’s desire never to be in a kitchen or Preety’s wish to prove her boyfriend wrong or Vidya’s need to win the world cup so that people at home let her live her life or Gul’s family’s legacy which she must live upto. Every single person with the exception of probably Nichola Sequeira, Rachana Sharma and Raynia Fernandes have been given their due.

Having said that, there are enough and more gaffes which would be visible to one if and only if s/he were to watch the movie through the eyes of a critic who wants to find mistakes. And even there Shimit would have a decent explanation to offer. The inspirations from Miracle on Ice are unmistakable though. The only place where I could question Shimit on his complete “originality”.

It is exceptionally difficult to review a movie that the entire world has seen and without doubt is completely in love with. Chak De is definitely the best sports movie made in India to date and could compare with some of the better ones world over for sure. If we were familiar with Ice Hockey or American Football I am certain we would find the same consistency errors that we do in Chak De. But the fact that Shimit has made this move as true to field hockey as possible is all credit to him. I would still give it an 8 on 10. Cant give more because I am aware of the flaws. But for those who haven’t seen it, you have definitely missed something. Add this to your MUST WATCH list.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NWwrarwqPE