Couples Retreat

There are RomComs that make you go oooh and aaah the entire time in mushiness (I can’t believe there is a word like that in MS Word). And there are RomComs that are nothing but an attempt at soft pornography under the garb of a RomCom or slapstick American comedy. Couples Retreat falls under the second category and that too quite easily. It is actually a no brainer about 15 minutes into the movie. And whats worse is that on Indian television most of the soft porn is edited. So you don’t even have that to look forward to. There would be more soft porn on the trailer that you find on imdb or on you tube than what you would see in the 2 hour slot that the Television channel provides for. So you are now caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. If you are really tempted to watch Couples Retreat then I suggest that you spend some time downloading the uncut version from wherever it is that people download movies. That too if you are that desperate. (if you have time to download stuff, you may as well download porn right why waste your time on soft porn).

Appealing to the Indian audiences however, would be a matter of supposed pride in the fact that this would be A R Rahman’s 2nd movie in Hollywood. Rahman could not have picked up something that was worse. He had Slumdog before this which was quite good as a matter of fact and 127 hours after which was average at best. But he should consider himself reasonably lucky that he got an opportunity after Couples Retreat because the music was an uninspiringly put together combination of songs and music that would be associated with the Caribbean and nothing more. There was hardly anything original about the entire project. And therefore, it is more embarrassing than a matter of pride when the credits say “Original Music By” and not just “Music By”. Regretably it has to do with one of my favourite composers of all time and in fact probably the most popular composer of our time.

Couples Retreat tries to cover the story of 4 couples who are apparently at various stages in a relationship. One is apparently doing reasonably well. The next is in a relationship that can best be described as promiscuous – they are both unaware of the word fidelity. The third spends time making power point presentations about how their married life has lost its spark – rather than do something about it. And the last guy is divorced and general humping around with a girl that is old (or should I say young) enough to be his daughter. All of this along with the direction (or should I say the lack of it) of Peter Billingsley in his first (and probably last) movie provides us with a cheap concoction of what is termed as classic American comedy. A true waste of time. 3 on 10 for some parts that are reasonable.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi2681274905/

Extraordinary Measures

Now I have to give some kind of a spoiler alert for this. OK, not a spoiler alert but an alert nevertheless about how the more emotional of you would be challenged big time to keep your tears back, a few minutes into this movie. And from then on, you would face the worry every few minutes. Yeah it is that kind of a movie. One that would go extremely well with your family on a Sunday afternoon with the kids around because there are just so many messages that the kids can take away. And it surprises me a lot (actually it should not) that this one again never saw the light of the day on the big screen in this country. Why is it that there are so many movies that are not released in India despite there being a reasonably large sized market out here? In sharp contrast, there are movies which are premiered in India along with other markets – for e.g. Avatar. Well anyways we live with what we get I guess.

Muscular Dystrophy or Pompe has no known cure but there are therapies that help reduce the impact in a manner of speaking. But if you are a father of two kids who have Pompe, then what would you do? How far would you go to find a cure for the disease? Would you quit your job which pays you enough and more money as a senior manager and more importantly the $40K that you need every month as insurance for the kids medical fees? Would you consider relocating from Portland to Nebraska – only about 2500 kms away only because the one person who could be in the right direction for the cure is based out of Nebraska? Would you consider picking the scientist’s cure and raising half a million dollars for starting up on the cure all by yourself? And would you consider that the only purpose in your life is to find a cure for Pompe despite the fact that your kids may not have more than a couple of years and the cure would take an indefinite time? John Crowley (Brendan Fraser) answered yes to all of the above questions. He decided that nothing was less when it comes upto his kids and he would go to whatever extent required to find the cure for Pompe.

I like Brendan Fraser. I think he is an under rated actor and needs to just find himself the correct roles so as to get him into the really quality league. No inputs required for the most bankable star in Hollywood and Keri Russell as the simple mother of two was also pretty good. It is indeed a very commendable effort from director Tom Vaughn to have managed to get the required emotions out from every single person of the cast. The movie is after all primarily driven by the emotions of a desperate father. I thought it was a couple of hours invested well. I am quite certain you would also find it to be the same. The TV premiere was on HBO last nite. I am quite certain it would be repeated over the next few days. Catch it if you can. 7 on 10 is what I would give it.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi2237007129/

Phhir

Starting 1920, Vikram Bhat has taken to the genre of the super natural a little too much for my comfort actually. First 1920 then Shaapit: The Cursed and then the mother of all “Oh save my life” movies called Haunted 3D (notice that I am consistent with the naming of the movies as well. This time however, he hasn’t directed it but produced yet another super natural movie which uses words like “medium” and “bhagwaan ka bheja hua banda” (someone sent by God) like there is no tomorrow. This one has to do with a psychic with definite inspiration from some Hollywood movie or the other which I am not able to recollect (so much for being someone who reviews movies). Basically it is not anything that we haven’t seen before.

The story revolves around Dr. Kabir Malhotra (Rajneesh Duggall) is a name that figures in a list of “Asians who rocked Europe”. Now how is that for a list to be in? Too cool in the Vikram Bhatt world I am sure. Anyways, he is well and truly in love and also married to Sia (Roshni Chopra). Sia is a lawyer and is applying to be a professor in a local university in Newcastle. That’s where they stay. Kabir is a doc alright but he is also one hell of a late latif. He has always made Sia wait for all their dates and on the day when they are due to have their celebration dinner for Sia getting the job, he doesn’t turn up on time for once. He lands up only a couple of hours late. Now hows that for taking your wife for granted. Not too cool Mr. Malhotra. Because this time around, Mrs. Malhotra doesn’t wait for too long and leaves. She isn’t reachable and neither is her best friend. A night goes by without any calls and eventually Dr. Malhotra files a missing person report. That’s where he bumps into (literally) Disha (Adah Sharma) who is actually a psychic and helps the local police quite often in solving several cases. She gets a vision that Kabir actually needs her help and what do you know – she is there.

Phhir is an extremely tackily made movie – add this to the ever growing list of tackily made movies from the Vikram Bhatt stable. It is strewn with exceptionally bad screenplay. The dialogues / script are atrocious at best. The only person in the cast who seems to have tried to act is Adah Sharma but even she is average at her best attempt. The rest of the cast should seriously consider alternative professions. Roshni Chopra should stick to television, Rajneesh Duggall to modeling and Dr. Mohan Agashe (notice the Dr. before his name these days) should stick to social networking advertisements which is the only way he is going to get any action. The good part of the entire experience of watching Phhir was that I got what I had expected. A 3 on 10 movie.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViSp08n5Dfk

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

And yes the rumours are true – The Rise of the Planet of the Apes has nothing to do with The Planet of the Apes starring Mark Wahlberg which released in 2001 OR for that matter the Charlton Heston version 33 years before its remake. This one works the other way round actually. The previous two spoke about how the lead cast find themselves in a planet where the Apes are way ahead in terms of civilization and how homo sapiens sapiens come to terms with the existence of such a race. However, this one is far more normal to begin with but over the course of the movie kind of morphs itself into yet another one of those sci fi movies which you take at face value and assume that it is possible. Don’t watch TROTPOTA (that acronym itself is so long one would forget the movie before it starts) unless you would go to the movies to watch something totally real (which would make you someone who doesn’t like James Bond).
Will Rodman (James Franco) is a scientist who is working on a cure for Alzhiemers through Genetic Engineering. He has been working on it for quite a while (I could have been fooled considering that he hasn’t aged one bit in his job – would have started quite early in life). He works for an organization called Gen Sys and he boss, Steven Jacobs (David Oyelowo) like any average business man is clear that he is willing to invest more money in the project provided there is some progress. Will thinks that they has been a lot of progress made thanks to a chimp which the project fondly calls Bright Eyes shows loads of improvement. However, hell breaks lose for no apparent reason and Bright Eyes goes on a Gen Sys destruction spree only to lose her life. Jacobs orders all the other chimps to be put down. However, Bright Eyes has left a baby just before she died. Turns out she was only trying to be protective. But she has passed on the strain to Ceaser.

One would find it quite obvious that loads of scenes in the movie have actually used the “green screen” or in other words appear pasted. It is quite surprising in this day and age considering the extent of technology that we have access to. And then there is James Franco who continues to be just about average. I am totally convinced that Franco got his nomination for 127 Hours purely on sympathy. I mean he is good alright but doesn’t seem to get under the skin of his character like a lot of actors from his age do like Leo DiCaprio if I were to name one. Freida Pinto is just part of the furniture and nothing more. The movie pretty much belongs to Ceaser and no one else – in terms of focus that is. The transition from just average intelligence to one that yearns to lead a pack of apes and does it successfully is shown quite well. One of the few good things about TROTPOTA. Not too great or too bad actually. 5 on 10 is what I would give it. The hall was full however, so I guess the world would beg to differ.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi1615502617/

The Spy Next Door

Bob Ho (Jackie Chan) is a plumber by profession and he stays in a quiet suburb somewhere in the US. He is of Chinese origin (of course) and is single. He is an exceptionally sweet guy to say the least and helps the people of his neighbourhood at the drop of a hat. Especially if the person is Gillian (Amber Valletta) who is his next door neighbor. With Gillian he doesn’t have much of a choice honestly. He is well and truly head over heels about her. A fact that Gillian is well aware of and endorses. So much that she has already said yes to his proposal for marriage. Something that hasn’t gone too well with Gillian’s 3 kids – Farren (Madeline Carroll), Ian (Will Shadley) and Nora (Alina Foley). I would be unfair if I said that all 3 hate him. It would seem that Ian and Nora are fine but are under the influence of Farren who is Gillian’s step daughter actually. So as you can see, it is all a very complicated situation that these five people find themselves in.

Complicated? You must be kidding me. Ho is regarded as one of the best spies to ever have existed in the world and is on loan from Chinese Intelligence. In fact, he goes by the pseudonym – Super Spy Man – in most inner circles of spydom. He also has a lovely song that has been written for him like there is one for Spiderman or Fireball XL5 (if you remember). In short, he is a revered person in his circles. And he has already called out to his colleagues Colton James (Billy Ray Cyrus – I thought the only time he acted was in Hannah Montana) and Glaze (George Lopez) that he is on his last assignment which has to do with the capture of renowned world terrorist and most wanted Poldark (Magnús Scheving). After that he will retire for good and settle down with Gillian and her 3 children. He does catch Poldark in the first few minutes of the movie. But then the movie would be finished right? And as expected Poldark manages to escape!!!!

The Spy Next Door is one of the four movies of Jackie Chan that released last year. And for those who do not know, he turned 57 this April. 57!!!! And I am struggling to get to work @ 36. He does 4 movies that involved all of his antics and more in the same year???? He is indeed Super Spy Man. I have always loved Jackie Chan for his absolutely humility on and off screen that makes him an actor who is so sought after no matter what genre of movies you like. I have yet to meet anyone who really hates Jackie Chan movies. If there are any, I say – get a life guys. The man has enthralled us for nearly 50 years now. And with stunts that most people cannot even imagine. I liked The Spy Next Door since it is vintage Jackie Chan again. The rest of the cast pales in comparison. They do their jobs for certain but it is the Jackie Chan Show all the way. You will not get bored for the 90 odd minutes that the movie runs for. Director Brian Levant ensures that there are enough and more action sequences with the little master and lots of slapstick comedy also thrown in. I may not a give it a great score at 6 on 10 but I do believe that it is extremely enjoyable for both Jackie Chan fans or otherwise alike.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi3031631129/

Traces of Red

Someone was mentioning not 2 days before I saw Traces of Red that he or was it she who keeps confusing James Belushi with someone else (I cannot remember for the life of me who it was). And whaddya know. A couple of days later, I am sitting at home flipping channels and this movie pops up and it was the only one playing, that I had not seen before. And it seemed to have a decent story line. But then most movies seem to have a decent story line when u press the “i” button on your Tata Sky remote (makes mental note - must evaluate that as a possible side career option. I am quite certain I can do it extremely well :D). Movies made in the late 80s / early 90s have this really weird feeling about it right? And I have kind of come to the conclusion that it is totally due to the entire fashion disaster that this period actually was. I mean who really invented baggy pants must be rolling in his grave as of now and if not then I condemn him to roll in his grave :D – show of hands for how many people agree with me.

Anyways, moving on to the crappy movie that Andy Wolk – no prizes for guessing how many movies he has made and the reason for the number after he delivered Traces of Red. In parts, Traces of Red just seems like a soft porn movie. In fact it is just that – a soft porn detective flick where the lead role is of a police officer – Detective John Dobson (James Belushi) and his partner Detective Steve Frayn (Tony Goldwyn) are like 2 sides of a coin. Different but yet the best of friends. The latter is married and settled down with sort of hot wife who is willing to have sex with him in the patio of his house (now how many wives would you know who do that?). Which would kind of explain why he has been loyal to his wife – or has he? On the other hand, Dobson is this casanova of sorts who changes his women by the night if not the minute. Adding the element of mystery is Ellen Schofield (Lorraine Bracco) who is an extremely rich and influential woman and also promiscuous – a very lethal combination and Donson and Frayn are about to realize when they start investigating a series of murders that start plaguing the town. Is Schofield the killer or is it someone else?

Now I would not want to spoil the movie despite the fact that it is not the best made movies of all time. The element of mystery is definitely existent and kind of manages to keep you held to the screen. What is really bad is almost everything else. The acting is obnoxious and totally gets to you within a few minutes of starting. There is absolutely no semblance of direction or screenplay or dialogues or editing or anything else that one can associate with movie making. Thank goodness for the element of mystery else this 1992 flick would not have seen the light of the day for certain. That and of course the sleazy soft porn scenes are what would have got this movie a release. 3 on 10 is what I say.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUidYmbrl44

Tree of Life

Now these are the times when you really really really believe that the existence of the amateur critic is threatened. How do you expect us lowly mortals to first of all sustain nearly two and a half hours of psychedilia and then understand the depth with which it was made and then write a review about it? Mind you the world seems to be raving about Tree of Life. The imdb rating is 7 on 10. But then when you go through some more research about the movie – you have to, just so that you can be sure that you are not the only person in the whole wide world who almost slept through a movie that the whole world seems to be raving about – you finally find out that you are not alone. It seems to be a movie with ratings that are poles apart. There are 9 / 10 on 10s and there are 0/1 on 10s. So either people have totally loved it or totally hated it. Phew. That was a relief. Because I was all this while thinking that I was the only one who was part of the latter group. Such a welcome relief.

The only Terrence Malick movie that I had seen before Tree of Life was one called “Thin Red Line”. In part though I must confess. And I do not remember it being psychedelic and so lateral as Tree of Life. The movie – Tree of Life that is – is littered with lines from the Bible which are whispered all through the movie and ring in your head as if it were someone speaking in your head and you so desperately want to get that person out. And then there are visuals of asteroids crashing into planets like Saturn and Jupiter to the background of arias ala 2001 a Space Odyssey – only Malick should have realized that he is not a Kubrick and Zarathustra wasn’t on his side unfortunately. After a while (not more than 30 minutes) it gets really really really irritating and you yearn for the movie to end sooner than later. Only you have to wait for nearly another 2 hours before you can make it through. I swear I caught myself sleeping at least 4 times in the 2 hours and then also almost fell asleep on the way home.

It is called as impressionist cinema by some websites. Simply put, art cinema for the likes of us. But really, Tree of Life, is not meant for the regular movie goer at all. It is meant for only those who are studying the so called “impressionist” cinema and are going through the formalities for a class project. It takes a while for one to figure out that the movie is about Jack (Sean Penn) who has been bought up by an exceptionally stern but typical father O’Brien (Brad Pitt) in the 50s. Today Jack is kind of going through his childhood days and actually trying to figure out the actual nature of the relationship that he had with his father. Malick sure knows how to make a story like that so complicated and convoluted. Avoid the movie if you aren’t into art cinema in its truest form. 1 on 10 just for the courage to put it out there.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi612735001/

Aarakshan

The power of marketing or should I be more specific and say “Jab PR kiya toh darna kya”??? (Corny as hell ain’t it :P). But that is exactly what you could describe the events over the past 2 days as. First there were reports from Uttar Pradesh and then Punjab if I am not mistaken. And then finally Andhra Pradesh joined the bandwagon. One can be quite certain that this bandwagon is not going to grown exponentially. The reason – Because there is nothing objectionable at all in Aarakshan. Its nothing but a brilliant piece of PR and I tip my hat to the agency behind it. A superb way to generate more excitement around a movie that was anyways expected to be good and fare quite well at the BO. The news of the ban and the intense promotion around the news has only helped it more – or has it? I would have thought that people would have anyways gone to see the Big B in his 2nd movie for the year and his first truly respectable role since Paa. I thought BBuddah was OK but nothing immensely respectable by a country mile for the biggest star in Indian cinema. As such the entire PR stunt was generally much ado about actually nothing. In fact I thought I may have missed a thing or two since I was so eagerly looking out for what was it that people of UP or AP and most surprisingly Punjab found in the movie to ban it. Weird I say.

Aarakshan (Reservation) tries to deal with the ever controversial topic of reservation on the basis of caste and creed. Is it justifiable to use reservation as a means of getting back at another caste or group of people from a specific caste purely because hundreds of years back, you were a victim of the same? Doesn’t it make sense to reserve seats for the truly economically backward and that too if and only if they really show some spark? Why is it that teaching as a profession is not given as much importance as say the Police or Civil Services. So where you have options to become an IAS Officer or an IPS Officer, why is it that you don’t have the option of becoming an ITS Officer (Indian Teaching Services)? And then again should the government not be doing its bit to really work on quality primary education and providing facilities to those who are economically backward or for that matter from the so called backward communities which give them a level playing field with anyone else and encourage fair competition? Are these coaching classes just converting education into a full fledged money making business and nothing else? Just some of the questions that Aarakshan throws up. What was so controversial about it, I would never know. Just leads me to believe that we are still just a literate nation and far from being an educated one.

I have always loved Prakash Jha’s direction especially since Gangajal where he really got his levels of intensity into direction really high. A trait which kind of seems missing in the first few minutes of Aarakshan but if you are a bit patient, it slowly creeps up and comes to the Prakash Jha that we are familiar with. The tempo also keeps fluctuating but Jha keeps the overall interest alive all through. What I did find a tad tacky was that some scenes were not seamlessly stitched together. From a perspective of performances, I could only find fault with Pratiek Babbar who still seems like a struggling child artiste. The screen presence of the Big B and Manoj Bajpayee are superb to say the least. And Saif continues to do reasonably well with the exceptions of some robotic moments. The same case with Deepika (who is totally stunning especially for 10 seconds when she wears the blue saree and pink blouse). Music was average. A couple of consistency errors which I found too surprising just added to the feeling that not only was this clearly not Jha’s best effort to date but also one where not much attention has been put in either. A tad disappointed but still a good movie to catch up with. 6.5 on 10 is the verdict.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi792042521/

He's Just Not That Into You

I love the way this movie starts. The first few statements are simply superb. It actually solves the age old mysteries that I had about the female mind. You start watching He’s Just Not That Into You (HJNTIN) and it clears every little doubt about the convoluted female brain (I am certain to lose some female fan followers after this) that you may have had in your mind. Heres the way it goes. The theory says that as children most parents teach their young girls that, “Boys who behave badly with you actually have a crush on you”. This theory then morphs into statements such as, “He cannot handle your emotional maturity” OR “He cannot handle the fact that you are good looking” Or his capability to manage your success is very low”. All of these are statements made by closest friends and relatives who will follow it up by promptly saying, “But he loves you a lot you know”. And dim witted women actually get suckered into it!!!! =)) =)) I mean how difficult is it to believe that, “HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU”??? I could not have said it better.

HJNTIN follows the lives of 9 people who are in various stages of a relationship. And this narration is going to get very complicated. So please bear with me. We start with Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin) who believes in putting herself out there as often as she can irrespective of whether her heart gets broken or not – lovely approach but needs an immensely strong heart. She is on a date with Connor (Kevin Connolly) who isn’t too interested in her but more interested in the sizzling hot Anna (Scarlett Johansson). But Anna doesn’t really care much about Connor. To her, Connor is just a squeeze which she uses when she is feeling low. Why she doesn’t see the merit in Connor is beyond my reasoning. Anna bumps into Ben (Bradley Cooper) at a supermarket. Ben is extremely smooth with her and charms her off her feet despite openly declaring that he is married to Janine (Jennifer Connelly). Janine and Ben are having severe problems with their married life and Anna is just the release Ben shouldn’t be looking for. His closest buddy, Neil (Ben Affleck) definitely doesn’t approve of this. Ben has been in a seven year releationship with Beth (Jennifer Aniston), is truly in love with her but doesn’t believe in marriage. Something that Beth is not willing to live with. Now Beth, Gigi and Janine are colleagues. In between all of this is Alex (Justin Long) who is Connors room mate and has trust issues. He appears to be extremely happy go lucky but does let anyone too close to himself. And yes, there is Janine’s good friend Mary (Drew Barrymore) who is struggling to come to terms with technology and how it has affected relationships.

Thrown into this complicated Khichdi (Goulash) are some great one liners (watch out for Drew Barrymore’s small monologue on the tech bit). The 9 people in the lead roles are given pretty much equal screen time and deliver some really solid performances. Ken Kwapis is the guy who also directed Dunston Checks in (Remember the chimpanzee movie?). Predominantly a TV director, he seems to be one of the rare cases of a TV director being quite good on his big screen ventures as well. Some good humour thrown into this heady mix of complicated relationships makes HJNTIY a very enjoyable flick – chick flick nevertheless and my love for them keeps growing. 7 on 10. I liked it. A lot. Most guys may not (I am the exception). Most girls will.

Watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi1239875865/

Hollow Man

It has been 11 years since Hollow Man released. I should have managed to see it a lot earlier right? Definitely a lot earlier than last evening. But then there are loads of movies that I haven’t seen as soon as they have released. This year itself, I would have missed about 20-25 movies already. And hold your horses. I had not seen Deewar till about 3 years back. OK I can already feel the brickbats coming in. *sigh* what can I say. Deprived childhood  (grinning simultaneously at silly joke).

One thing I can say for certain though is that I don’t think I missed much by delaying Hollow Man by 11 years. Maybe it would have been a different reaction 11 years earlier for certain considering the amount of special effects used in that day and age would make it a great attempt and that the likes of Inception and Avatar would make Hollow Man seem pale in comparison. Yes, there would be a bias to that extent. But even if I were to eliminate the bias and look at the concept and the way it has been fleshed out and executed, it leaves a hell of a lot to be desired. The absolute casual manner in which genetic changes are discussed and played around with makes the experience of the movie exactly that – casual. Actually one could have expected a director like Paul Verhoeven to deliver exactly this considering. His previous sci fi movies were good, in fact great at effects but not too great at execution – Total Recall and Robocop being good cases in point. Guess Mr. Verhoeven did not learn much. Got swayed with his experience in Basic Instinct – but not every movie has a Sharon Stone that will distract people’s attention right Paul Sir?

What Paul Verhoeven has done right though is to show the negative side of having the gift of invisibility and how much one can misuse it. The transition of Dr. Sebastian Caine (Bacon) from being obsessed with being the first person to crack the code of invisibility to going insane with the power of his very creation has been shown quite well I must admit. If only the passion of the character was transalted into the passion of movie making by coming closer to perfection and not giving a half baked product. Forgive me for the repeated comparison with the likes of Christopher Nolan but I guess that’s what differentiates decent directors from great directors. The complete focus on attention to detail and thereby getting an end product that is super memorable.

Cannot say much about the casting either. Kevin Bacon, Josh Brolin and Elizabeth Shue would have made for a solid combination for certain. But all seem quite listless. The only person who seems to have given close to a 100% is Kevin Bacon who is quite intense through the entire movie. Overall, a barely OK watch. Would have been great in its time but did not stand the test of time for certain. 5 on 10.

Watch the trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hI4uJec4qHc