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Friday, 13 June 2014

Machhli Jal Ki Rani Hai

I am prioritizing this review over How To Train Your Dragon 2 because it is my moral, ethical and fundamental responsibility to ensure that you, as an audience, are not put through the pain that I went through.  If I am late and could not warn you well in time then do accept my sincerest apologies.  I shall endeavor to post my inputs at the earliest possible in the days to come.

Machhli Jal Ki Rani Hai (A Fish is the Queen of Water – loose translation) has little or almost nothing to do with Machhlis (Fish) other that the fact that the protagonist doesn’t like the smell of fish.  There is also a sequence wherein she, in her possessed form, takes a sudden liking for them and chops up one of the fish from the tank at home.  She proceed to eat it raw and cook the leftovers as dinner for her hubby dearest.

It has very little to do with Jal (Water) other than one sequence where the protagonist’s son is miraculously drowned by one of the spirits in less than 2 ft of water.  All the poor kid had to do was stand up and he would have been fine.  He is equally miraculously saved over an hour later (one can only estimate) by an express version of CPR that doesn’t involve resuscitation of any form. Just a few pumps to the chest and voila!!!

As regards the Rani (Queen) part I am yet to figure out where it featured.  Mind you, the phrase even in its entirety has no relevance to the story.  The answer to this deep query can be given only by veteran director Debaloy Dey who thankfully makes movies only once in 21 years (as per most sources, his previous movie was that Salman Khan Sridevi potboiler called Chandramukhi from the previous century).

MJKRH is a yawn worthy story of Ayesha (Swara Bhaskar) whose believes is reckless driving to show her husband Uday (Bhanu Uday), how she feels when he drives fast.  This leads to an accident and magically Ayesha gets off Scott Free despite killing someone!!! Next, she moves with her husband to Jabalpur – his home town.  Scary things start happening in the house.

The script and screenplay – or the lack of it – are horrendous.  Jabalpur has been shown as a hep city where half naked Caucasian women prance around in a discotheque to a song that goes Aaj Hai Saturday Night toh hona hai tight (or something like that).  There has been little or no thought given to the costumes.

If you think the acting may save some face you would be wrong again.  This has to be Swara Bhaskar’s worst performance and we are talking about an extremely talented actress.  The rest of the cast is as good as non existant.  As always, I will close with my request to the Censor Board to not allow such movies to release just because we have freedom of expression as part of our constitution.  1 on 10 because it makes you laugh.

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