Recipe for a
successful Farah Khan Movie
- Shah Rukh Khan (Don’t even think about Akshay Kumar ever again) ü
- A Reasonable Story line that involves SRK as the lead hero who
can do anything and everything including speak Korean (or should I say
North Korean? – I am a bit confused on this count) ü
- Add some patriotic angle and a diamond hiest to the story to
keep interest alive ü
- Sign on a tall leading Indian actress who is not less than 1.7m
tall ü
- Assign item number to said tall leading Indian actress after
naming her after the most memorable dance character in Indian cinema ü
- Include at least one dialogue that is repeated ad nauseum
throughout the movie. It will help if there are 2 such dialogues.
- Kismet badi kutti cheez hai.
Kabhi bhi palat jaati hai (translation available in trailer at end
of this write up) ü
- Duniya mein doh tarah ke log hote hain – Winners and Losers
(refer 5a for translation inputs) ü
- Work really hard towards getting your music right.
- 1 love song – Manwa Laage ü
- 1 item number – Lovely ü
- 1 medley that doesn’t make sense but is fun – Nonsense ki Night ü
- 1 song that appeals to local lingo – Satakli ü
- 1 song to be played at parties for a long time – Dance like a Chhamiya ü
- 1 song that appeals to national sentiment – India Waale ü
- 1 song for the credits that is foot tapping – Sharaabi ü
- 1 mash up that features all of the above for a grand finale
- Add some flavor with some decent support cast that involves a
high tech dude whose fingers type the right code no matter which key on
the keyboard is struck and a tapori (roadside romeo) who is played by bottom
of the rung Category A star (it would help if this person is the son of
India’s biggest star to date). ü
- Assume that everyone in the world understands Hindi and
therefore introductions at the World Dance Championship (which could have
been any championship in the world) are made only in Hindi. ü
- Pick a run-down Bollywood loser as the villain to reduce
expenses and ensure that his character heads the committee for this prestigious
Dance contest. ü
- Add some really cheesy one liners and gross scenes such as truck-loads
of pewk (with just enough screen time to not gross you out
completely). Also put in words like
Breast-taking (instead of breathtaking).
Ensure that the Korean contingent is insulted a couple of
times. All of this is just for
garnish ü
- Under the garb of paying tribute to as many of your
predecessors as you can, poke fun or blatantly plagiarise stuff from Italian
Job, Oceans Eleven, Chak De India, Moulin Rouge and Main Hoon Na amongst
others. ü
- Throw around terms and names such as hacking, Mossad, KGB,
Boston University topper for effect. ü
- Ensure all theatres have a minimum of 16 shows if not more ü
- Last but not the least, keep family (read Shirish Kunder) far
far away from the sets. Family shouldn’t
be shown even a special screening of the movie till the movie is released
and has raked in 300 crores on opening weekend. ü
Mix all of the
above together with total disregard to finer details (because you have anyways
classified it as a Masala Movie meant for entertainment only in all your build
ups). Say Happy Diwali and Happy New
Year to everyone. Enjoy. 4 on 10 is my critics rating. 8 on 10 on a Farah Khan scale (I loved MHN and
OSO – this one didn’t measure up to that level).
Watch the
trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0mrzMQJMQ8
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