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Friday, 26 September 2014

Desi Kattey

Anand Kumar’s previous attempts should have made me a bit wiser and it did.  I walked into Desi Kattey expecting the worst possible storyline, a random item number that just pops up in the movie without any build up or reason and of course some really bad performances from the cast.  I was anything but disappointed – in my expectations that is.

Gyani (Jai Bhanushali) and Pali (Akhil Kapur).  One can only assume they were orphans because they run around the streets of Kanpur as 6-7 year olds brandishing locally made guns and stealing lunch from kids in school.  Did I mention that the school has an English teacher who pronounces FUTURE as FACHAR? Of course Anand Kumar thought that it would go a long way in establishing some arbit thought in his head.

The boys’ only ambition is to be the Judge (Ashustosh Rana).  They aspire to emulate the Judge Saab who is nothing but the local gangster cum contract killer cum goon cum administrator who runs everything in the area.  They consider Judge Saab as good as their God and everyone else to be scum of the earth who can be shot at will.  Surprisingly no one shoots them down.

Somewhere along the way, a dishonourably discharged Major (Suniel Shetty) from the Indian Army notices them and decides that our heroes should use their shooting skills for the benefit of the country.  Before you can say Walter PPK, he convinces the hardened goons to leave their boss and train to be competitive shooters.

Yes you read that right.  Major Saab’s version of using skills for the country didn’t include passe stuff like joining the army or police forces or working undercover for the services.  He actually meant to coach these 2 for the state championship and then onto the nationals and then of course the world championship!!! AWESOME!!!!

Along the way, in this totally random journey that Anand Kumar calls a story, you will see Claudia Ciesla crooning “Patney waali hoon” in the voice of Rekha Bharadwaj (Why oh Why???).  As mentioned before, this exquisite item number jumps at you out of the blue without warning.  So if you do decide to watch this movie, be prepared.

If you want an example of the absence of a casting director or a movie in which even the chairs and tables act better than the entire cast put together, this is has to be it!!! Newcomer Akhil Kapur is synonymous with disaster and Jay Bhanushali cannot do much to hide the fact that he cannot emote even though he has a full grown beard pasted onto his face (badly at that).

Kailash Kher’s music does little to push this horrid movie up the value chain.  Ditto for Ashutosh Rana and his random 2 liners that even the script writer didn’t understand – leave alone the audience.  So, if after all the gory details if you would still like to put yourself through this unique form of torture, I can only wish you the best.  1 on 10.

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