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Friday, 18 September 2015

Katti Batti (Hindi) (2015)

Nikhil Advani is definitely not known for brilliant movies with the one exception of D-Day where he made his only genuine attempt to aid the effort of quality cinema in Bollywood.  Back to Back releases in a week may indicate that Shri Advani over estimated his prowess in the field of direction.  Regretably he has botched up both stories – one which was a classic and the other that had a lot of promise.

Katti Batti starts off with our famous hero with one expression being wheeled into an emergency room because he drank phenyl – thinking it was beer.  Apparently he was so drunk that his taste buds refused to respond to the acrid taste of phenyl.  All ye beer drinkers beware – apparently, too much of beer in the shower leads you to consume phenyl to the point of being rolled into an ER.

This is preceded (I am sorry to have said it started with phenyl) by a mock wedding between Madhav aka Maddy Kabra (Imran Khan) and Payal (Kangana Ranaut).  The wedding is shot on a camcorder in a PoV format – probably the only decent attempt at cinematography in the 2 and a quarter hours that Advaniji tortures you.

The story then proceeds to flash back and forth between the current day and the good / horrid days of the relationship between the freebird Payal and the desperate to commit Maddy.  The story is narrated in patches with some really tacky screenplay and dialogue that was obviously written by someone suffering from a terminal case of writer’s block.

Advani makes meek attempts to spike the dead script with slapstick moments that involve the ever dependable farting scene – probably the only moment where the audience allowed themselves a snigger.  Even peeing on a ₹5 lac gold plated toilet with 5 massage streams (each worth ₹1 lac – or one can only assume) did not elicit a response.  In fact the casualties had totaled to 3 out of 30 odd by the interval – the ones I saw.

Imran Khan’s repertoire has not received any boost whatsoever. Kangana Ranaut’s role is shockingly limited.  The weak script doesn’t help her either.  Advani has successfully managed to make the exceptionally hot Manasvi Mamgai turn into someone you wouldn’t give a second look.  The only saving grace is the kid that plays Maddy’s sister and has been conveniently left out of the cast and crew on any website.

If all of the above doesn’t get to your nerves then you will definitely tear your hair apart – one by one – after the introduction of Roger and his band called F.O.S.L.A. The acronym expands into Frustrated One Sided Lover’s Association. The saving grace is that breath of fresh air who goes by the name Sasha Chettri in real life and appears in the new Airtel 4G commercial.

I could count the high points in Katti Batti on one hand.  I had gone in expecting a mish mash of “No Strings Attached” and “Friends with Benefits”.  I was treated to a mish mash alright but one that included “inspiration” from “500 Days of Summer” and “Fault in Our Stars”.  Save yourselves the trouble.  I sacrificed ₹350 for the tickets and another ₹250 for the popcorn and coffee (the only way I could survive).  I hope you don’t.  3 on 10.

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